JL911 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 As many of you saw in my previous post that got a huge amount of hits and replies, I did open up to my gf and told her she was becoming special to me. The original post you can see at: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t208348/ Anyways I let things go. Yesterday she kinda brought things up again and we started talking again. My statement was simply this, "I know you have some issues in opening up and trusting people, but ya know if you ever do want to talk about things, I will listen." The conversation grew and before we got off the phone she simply said to me. There are very few people who know everything about me and know why I have these insecurities about myself when it comes to people. I think that we should have this conversation. I do have issues with people, but I am working on that for myself, and I want you to know that everything you have done has been nothing short of perfect for the most part. She thinks that whenever she gets things going well for her that something happens to screw things up....Is it self destructive I dont know....But she is now willing to talk to me and let me in now and I think I have set myself aside from the pack of people who have forced her to put up this wall...
BG1985 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I was one of those people responding to your previous thread. I was one of those "slimeballs" who is afraid of intimacy. Anyway, just because it worked out of you this time doesn't mean it will always work. You can't open up too much because it will freak her out. Just be there for her, but don't overwhelm her.
Author JL911 Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 I never did try to overwhelm her with the original statement...
Lovegod Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 When a woman is heavily attracted to a guy, she will NOT let her issues get in the way. She will allow herself to open up and trust a guy quite quickly. Again, proceed with caution. She may not be as interested in you as she's letting on.
BG1985 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 If you really didn't I'm sorry, but a lot of people come on here saying that originally they didn't really do anything that bad. Then they keep posting and eventually confess to doing something ridiculous and wonder why the girl blasted them pepper spray the next time she saw them. I always assume the worst in these situations. I really figured that you had spilled your guts to this girl and she was considering running for the hills. Sorry for not giving you the benefit of the doubt.
Author JL911 Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Honestly...i think im just gonna let my actions do the talking and just roll with that...If she initiates the conversation I will proceed, but i will not just just run at the mouth. She knows how I feel, I put it out there, its not something i need to constantly remind her of. If it works out great, if not ill find bigger and better things...
threebyfate Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 That's the way to do it, JL! No pressure. Notice the ball was in her court and SHE came to you?
Author JL911 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 That's the way to do it, JL! No pressure. Notice the ball was in her court and SHE came to you? I think this is what I am going to continue to do in the situation. Im just going to try to play it cool but at the same time be a very loving, loyal, and comitted bf who doesnt open up and spew sugar coated lines at her. I hate to act like I have to hold back my emotions with people, however I know with some who are still sorting out their emotions that sometimes a small simple statement simply saying, "your special to me" can make them scared and possibly go running. Im just going to slow things down, allow her to come at me at her own pace, and most of all be myself when we are together. Ill keep the phone calls and IMs light and fun. I already know shes pretty crazy about me but thinks that eventually something will happen to tear us apart...Or I'll end up a jerk...Im just gonna let her know through my actions that unless she lets me go, it wont happen. Ive already met the parents, now she wants to start having me meet all of her good friends both in town and from out of town. I think its safe to say shes fairly happy in our relationship and this was a minor thing where I should have just kept my mouth shut... Good thing is she now knows how I feel and didnt go off running for the hills. A lesson learned on my part... :rolleyes: :confused:
torranceshipman Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Jl911, you approached this perfectly...she sounds really happy with you...
threebyfate Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 A little at a time, JL. Don't overdo it but don't stop letting her know you care. If you stop telling her you care, as in...dead stop...never to say it again, then she'll also be concerned about it. There's a time and place for everything AND everything in moderation. I do really like that you've opened up to her by telling her how you feel about her and ensuring that your actions match your words. As she's a little panicky about trusting individuals, that you initiated the discussion was good. That you keep initiating, then leaving the ball in her court without pressure, is good. Think of it like a timeline. You move forward, then stand still. She matches you. You move forward, then stand still and she matches you again. And on and on until she's all there. If you move too far forward, she'll panic and run. If you move backwards (withdraw), she'll panic and run. Just stand still until she moved to match you.
Author JL911 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Well I guess I am to the point where I know what I am and what I am capable of. Im a catch in many senses. I see progress, and I see her wanting me around, and now I see her wanting to open up to me....Its baby steps really....I do feel that once I get through this wall after maybe a few months of dating and showing her Im worth her time, that I dont think Ill have this issue. Im confident enough in myself to realize if this doesnt work out that eventually I will find someone with who it will....
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