hpnutter Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I'm so unhappy. I think I may be in the middle of breaking up with my boyfriend. :-( We've been together for 4 years since I was 19, the last 2 have been long distance. I wrote him an email yesterday explaining that I was worried we were drifting apart and didn't see each other enough. Today he replied and said he feels the same and thinks we might be drifting towards friendship instead of lovers... I've been looking for jobs where he lives so we can live together, but now he's said he's not sure if that will work as a solution. He says he needs some time to work out what he thinks and feels. He's always been such a good boyfriend, I can't reproach him. There's nothing unfriendly going on, we still care so much. I don't want to break up, but if he's sure there's nothing we can do that will bring us closer again, then there's nothing left to do. I've told him to take his time to think. I know my email yesterday was out of the blue so he's confused right now. Don't think I'll know for a couple of days. I'm just so anxious! I don't want to break up! He's my first boyfriend and I can't imagine not being with him! The wait is unbearable. I know he read my email yesterday at half 5, but he didn't reply til 6pm today, those 24 hours were torture. Now I have to wait to find out if he thinks there's a chance we could get back to how we were before or if its too late. This is my first ever breakup and I still care about him so much. I'm living at home with my parents and sister and don't want to tell them until I know one way or another, but I've been crying in my room for ages, can't let them see me like this. But I have to go and eat my dinner now... I just want to hide in my room until I've heard from him. I have such a bad feeling about this, I think he's going to end it :-(
stace79 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I know how you feel. You can read all about my story if you care to. I am not sure what advice to give you, other than to just give him time and be patient. The last thing you want to do is bother him over and over for a decision. The only advice I really have is to be totally honest whenever you talk to him next time. Make sure you tell him how you really feel, especially if you really love him and want to make it work. I live with my family right now, too, so I know how hard it is to put on a happy face and pretend like nothing is wrong. Do you have any friends you could spend time with?
Lamak Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Sad to say it, but you're young and this is just your first relationships. LDR are hard for anyone at any age to maintain, and this being your first relationship has made it harder. At the point where you two are, you might need to just let him go.
letmejustsay Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Your post brought me back to my first break up. Give him the space and time that he needs, and give yourself the distance and time that you need to be OK with your life and your self. You are both still quite young, but that doesn't demean the loss. Its possible that you'll get through it as a couple, just as its possible that you both may end up dating other people and being happy with other people in the future. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have a good relationship and communication, so whatever happens, remind yourself that you will get through this. It will hurt to be without him for awhile, but the hurt will gradually fade and one day, you will be happy again. Be sure to honor the depth and significance of your feelings. If things do end for you two, be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve the loss. You'll feel messed up, hurt, sad, angry, jealous, etc as you are going through the process. That's all completely normal. Your very fortunate that you live with your family. Lean them on support when the time feels right to you. If you don't feel comfortable sharing with family, lean on your trusted friends. Losing a love is a very real and raw process to go through. But, however it turns out, have faith that you will get through it.
Author hpnutter Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 Thank you for your support. Its still going on. He still needs time to make a decision. Yesterday I told him that I dont want to break up, that I still want him as my boyfriend. But I also said its up to him, depends if he still wants me as his girlfriend or sees me as just a friend - there's no point us being together if he doesn't want me anymore. I told him not to think about my feelings, but decide on his. Its so hard tho! I hardly contacted him at all yesterday tho I wanted to. I don't know how long it'll take him to decide. I feel like I'm in limbo! I just don't understand why it would take someone so long just to figure out if he still loves me in that way. I saw some friends yesterday and ended up crying all over them. They were supportive tho and helped so much. Only thing is, I fear they've given me hope where there is none. They've suggested things and I want to believe them, but I don't know if I should because I don't know if they're true. I know my boyfriend used to really love me, everyone said he did so much. Which just makes it hurt more now if he says his love has changed and if he makes the decision to end it. I'm not sure how much longer I can wait like this. I just want things to be good again, I want him to love me properly. I wish I'd never sent that message to him the other day. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really trying not to pressure him but I just don't understand and he can't answer my questions.
GrayClouds Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Thank you for your support. Its still going on. He still needs time to make a decision. Yesterday I told him that I dont want to break up, that I still want him as my boyfriend. But I also said its up to him, depends if he still wants me as his girlfriend or sees me as just a friend - there's no point us being together if he doesn't want me anymore. I told him not to think about my feelings, but decide on his. Its so hard tho! I hardly contacted him at all yesterday tho I wanted to. I don't know how long it'll take him to decide. I feel like I'm in limbo! I just don't understand why it would take someone so long just to figure out if he still loves me in that way. I saw some friends yesterday and ended up crying all over them. They were supportive tho and helped so much. Only thing is, I fear they've given me hope where there is none. They've suggested things and I want to believe them, but I don't know if I should because I don't know if they're true. I know my boyfriend used to really love me, everyone said he did so much. Which just makes it hurt more now if he says his love has changed and if he makes the decision to end it. I'm not sure how much longer I can wait like this. I just want things to be good again, I want him to love me properly. I wish I'd never sent that message to him the other day. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really trying not to pressure him but I just don't understand and he can't answer my questions. Read: So you want a second chance? and follow
Author hpnutter Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 Well after all that, after being kept in limbo for all those days, he's finally decided to leave me. I knew he would by now. He didn't even seem to want to try and save us. He cried though and seemed so upset too. He is a decent guy and we have been together for a long time. I know people can't help it if their feelings change, I don't think he wanted them to. I will miss him. I hope one day we can be friends. I've told my family now and they are shocked and surprised, but supportive. I think I'm still in shock really. Thank you all for all your posts. I appreciate it.
stace79 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Well after all that, after being kept in limbo for all those days, he's finally decided to leave me. I knew he would by now. He didn't even seem to want to try and save us. He cried though and seemed so upset too. He is a decent guy and we have been together for a long time. I know people can't help it if their feelings change, I don't think he wanted them to. I will miss him. I hope one day we can be friends. I've told my family now and they are shocked and surprised, but supportive. I think I'm still in shock really. Thank you all for all your posts. I appreciate it. I'm really sorry. I'm with you in spirit -- my ex told me and other people as recently as last night that he still loves me. But he can't be with me right now -- maybe not ever. He wants to be friends. So I understand the kinda pain you're going through. I've been there before, and typing here helped at least get out my thoughts and feelings. Fake it 'til you make it -- just keep telling yourself every day that things will get better and you will feel better if even only by a degree each day. Thinking of you.
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