McGrupp Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) ugh. give me the lashing i deserve LS. so dumb. told her i was sorry for calling her a bitch again. didnt talk about the relationship. she said i still havent given her enough time (its been 2 months) i told her i wouldnt be contacting her anymore. she said you keep saying that, i wished her well. made her laugh but what was the point? actually dont feel that ****ty, just keep going back to square 1. the end. picks at scab:: why do i give her my time or energy? i texted her a pic of me in my halloween custome and she said "cute" ugh. i need to leave this. NOW> Edited November 5, 2009 by McGrupp
Thebob Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 no comment, you know what you have to do Thebob
EricaH329 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 What i'm about to ask, is not to be taken as an attack what-so-ever. I'm curious to know, have you always lacked self-discipline? Or did this just start happening because of this situation? It's been 2 months since me and my ex broke up also. I have my bad days, but I don't contact him. It's the other way around actually, and the strength needed to ignore him is enormous. But I do it. Because, realistically, nothing is going to come of any of it. What do you expect her to say when you contact her? "I've had enough time! I want to be with you again!" ?? What you are doing now is not only pushing her further away, but showing her that you don't have much respect for yourself. I understand that you loved her. The majority of us here on LS loved our ex's, and that's why we are here... trying to get over the pain of losing them. But it sounds to me like you not only aren't allowing yourself to get over her, you actually enjoy, on some level, the pain caused from doing this to yourself. When a person puts their hand in a fire, they pull their hand away quickly. Why? Because it hurts!! Sometimes, we will forget how bad it hurts and occasionally stick our hands back in it, realizing it was a dumb thing to do the first time and it was most certainly even more rediculous to do it the second time. But what you are doing, is consistantly putting your hand in that fire. Why??
Author McGrupp Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 i honestly think some part of me likes it. the wallowing the self pity, the contact. i dont know what to do. im seeing a pychologist this weekend. i need it man. and to let go.
EricaH329 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 i honestly think some part of me likes it. the wallowing the self pity, the contact. i dont know what to do. im seeing a pychologist this weekend. i need it man. and to let go. I am so glad that you are putting in the effort to see a therapist! That's fantastic! Maybe there you can sort out all of the things that are going through your mind. I'm proud of you for trying to do something about this! I'm rooting for you! Please keep us updated!
Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 McGrupp, you are addicted to her. Until you have a victory over this addiction it won't stop. Look at contact with her as an addiction. Stop it. Do you have unsettle business with her? List it out here first, or discuss it with a friend, or your dad. (Since he know knows your depressed.) If it's just the pain of the lost relationship, you need to change your thoughts about it, change your view. Or you haven't worked hard enough to get yourself out of the rut. But from what I'm reading........... It's an addiction. You're addicted to the thought of her, even though it's over. I felt addicted all the way up to yesterday. I think what happened was I recognized the addiction, hammered it all out on here... oh, and I attended a very helpful seminar. That helped, too. It was about creating who you are TODAY. Creating the moment. Not acting out as to what you've always done, but becoming fully aware of what you are doing.
angelface78 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 You need to stop McGrupp. SERIOUSLY!!! Or you are going to lose her!!! If i can do it you can do it!! I did 3 months of NC and then broke it and now im 29 days back in NC!! Please stop!! You CAN stop you just dont want to. Show her that you are a man of your word!!! You will look much more attractive to her...trust me on this one. Women like men who do what they say.
Author McGrupp Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 well she is not coming back. its so weird how i can write that out but not admit it to myself. no pity party though
soheartbroken Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Agree with all others that it literally IS an addiction. You are in withdrawal. Every time you contact her you get a "hit" of the drug, but it's becoming less and less satisfying, and more painful. I'm glad that you have an appointment with a psychologist. Keep in mind though, that one session is not going to solve all your problems and take away the pain. I've been going to a lot of therapy and I still have really awful days. But I go because it gives me an outlet to talk, and it gets me out of the house...especially when I was couch-ridden with depression for a month or so. Just don't want you to have all your eggs in one basket and be disappointed that therapy doesn't "cure" you and be even more down on yourself. Likely if you keep contacting her she will be forced to stop responding one of these days. I don't think you want that to happen. It might be best to start NC now, under your own power, instead of having her initiate it.
Author McGrupp Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 i guess i am just void of anything in life to replace her. i always think b4 i contact that this will change things. my last text:its nice to talk to you though. this will be my last contact. i hope you find everything you are looking for. her: i appreciate that and hope you find the same. shoot myself
Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Silly. Just be honest. Tell her your addicted to her, feeling needy, miss her and ask her to bear with you as you try and get yourself together again. Okay, well that's not too attractive. hehe
Author McGrupp Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 your not serious right? haha. seriously though im going through a rough patch and im doing it to myself.
Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 well I was sort of serious... but then realized how creepy it might sound to tell her your addicted to her. How about: I'm so attracted to you and lost in desperation as I ponder the demise of our relationship. I think of you every waking moment in my pathetic little mind that seems to revel in the thought of you alone. I ask you to assist me in this time of need, until I can heal the wounds of our love which hath ended. LOL. I'm so sorry, McGrupp! I'm just having fun, trying to entertain you... It's okay if your feeling needy. But if you are going to contact her, at least try not to sound so needy....!
PinkToes Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I'm really sorry you're still hurting so bad and going through this, but you're a smart guy, and you'll stop contacting her when you're ready; when you get tired of feeling this way. And I think everyone here would like to see you get out of this cycle asap because I know it hurts. But you'll figure it out in time, and one day you'll just get fed up with the whole thing, and the memory of getting burned will keep you from sticking your hand back into the fire. I hope it happens soon. But, we'll be here, no matter how long it takes.
Author McGrupp Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 I'm so sorry, McGrupp! I'm just having fun, trying to entertain you... It's okay if your feeling needy. But if you are going to contact her, at least try not to sound so needy.... im just going to email her what you wrote. **** it
Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Ok. If your going to email it, it will have to be longer. Such as: Dearly Missed Beloved, Forgive me for contacting you yet again in my sad plight. The misery I find myself in is overwhelming. Everyday the memories haunt me as I consider the foolish part I played in the losing of our romance. I'm so attracted to you. I'm lost in desperation, pondering the demise of our relationship. I think of you every waking moment in my pathetic little mind that seems to revel in the thought of you alone. So I have one request to ask of you, patient and gentle darling, I ask you to assist me in this time of need, until I can heal the wounds of our love which hath ended. X
Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 The way I see it..... it your not going to play the NC game, you'll have to choose another. Like desperate romantic.
NoneoftheAbove Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 If i were you id stop sending emails. You can't make someone come back, even if she comes back she will only patch your wounds for a while. She' ll say sweet things that you will fall for, but the reality is that once that's over she will be back to whom she was. Believe me man don't act so needy, understand that you did all you can and it wasn't meant to be don't beat yourself up it will only drag you into a bigger whole.
Author McGrupp Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 j/k why do i still even care what she thinks? im apologizing. depressing. pretending to be happy on the phone, making jokes and teasing flirting with her. **** it man. im so addicted. why? whY going to a co-dependency anonymous meeting tonight.
lilbelle Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Listen man! Freaking wake up! This woman has you wanting to kill yourself. This is as toxic as it gets. Stop contacting her. Why isn't she deleted? What are you doing to yourself and what are you doing to her with the craziness. Let her be. Heal and stop. You must stop your going way down the downward spiral.
Author McGrupp Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 yer right. yer ****ing right. how do u block a # on your phone?
Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 yer right. yer ****ing right. how do u block a # on your phone? That's the spirit. Good for you. Really going to that meeting? That's great. Get lots of support, as much you can. .....and your doing great. Keep getting support, keep growing stronger.
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