Interesting article that might some poeple.

[lostmirthfulness]

I came across this little article and found it somewhat enlightening.

 

I hope it can help somebody in some way, in the sense that they can see they are better off without their SO.

 

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171

[Exit]

The two things that make sense for my ex from that list are (2. Quick Attachment and Expression) and (7. It's Always Your Fault).

 

She came on to me sooooo heavy at first, insane flirting, talked about being in love right away, and I was too stupid to see this as a red flag. I had never experienced this before and figured I just met someone who totally loved me. Wrong. Now I realize how scary her behavior really was.

 

And everything being my fault, especially after the breakup. We communicated back and forth for a few months after the split and I would type out these amazing heart felt apologies but she never wrote one sentence about any of it being her fault.

[Confused728]

i could fit the following so im not sure how this applies, but i have tired to look out for my ex because he was haning out with drug addicts and tried to keep him from seeing them, and i didnt want them around because of that, i encouraged him though to go out with his sober freinds and his family and people who didnt do drugs, does this make me a loser for tryign to take those freinds away, the drug addicted friends didnt like me becuase they thought i was changing him but i was trying to help him stay way from drugs, i would tell him his drug addict freinds would take advantage of him becuase they would come over do drugs in his house, take drugs in his car, encourage him to drink and drive where he got arrested once before when i wasnt with him... so am i a looser??

 

here the what it said

 

5. Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. "The Loser" feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior. "The Loser" begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don't understand the special nature of the love you share with them. In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them. If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. "The Loser" then tells you they are treating you badly again and you'd be better to keep your distance from them. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase.

[lostmirthfulness]

Support that is positive and good for a person on their health is different then support that is dangerous to a person.

 

My ex fit 3 points of that article.

[angelfish2552]

That is an excellent article! I just ended a 5 year dead end relationship..... all the red flags were there - I chose to ignore them. He was not a violent or mean person, but then abuse is not always physical. Early in our "relationship" ( like after 2 weeks), he told me how much he loved me, there was never anybody like me before, and he could not wait till he got divorced, so he could marry me...... After 5 years, we stilll just lived together....... his divorce was final after a year. He has a new girlfriend living with him, she was there less than 2 weeks after I left, and I hear that they are getting married - Isn't she the lucky one????!!!!!!!