Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) I look back and marvel at how I got from *there* to *here* with all this heartache business. I look back at what I did, and the lessons learned. The first time I had ever seen a therapist was for heartache. I broke up with T and was miserable, I was depressed. The first time was in 2007. It didn't help much because, well, that therapist just didn't work for me. I didn't go back. But I reached out for a therapist again in July of this year. I knew I couldn't go through this sort of depression from my failed relationship alone. It was such a relief to talk about things. It took about three sessions to get a new perspective on things. Three sessions for all the depressive stuff to get out, to feel better and to start making up a new mind about things. Now I can't stress enough how important it is to reach out and share what you are going through. At the end of August, I took the Landmark Forum. An exceptional program designed to provide unique coaching, group discussion, transforming exercises and exquisite insights. No joke. The Landmark Forum made me see my life in a whole new way. It made me see how I tortured myself with my past, and how it doesn't have to be that way. It helped me let go of all the negative. It helped me to see that, "Wow, it doesn't have to be that way. The past is gone, it is no more! There is only now, now and my future." I loved the Landmark Forum so much I took the next step, the Advanced Course, also offered by Landmark Education. It was another transforming experience, to say it simply. Therapy, Landmark Education, and various classes (exercise classes, classes of personal interests) have helped me to deal effectively with my heartache. Oh, yes, and Love Shack. Each one of these steps have meant so much to me. I want to thank everyone along my journey who has helped me pull through in this difficult time. From my therapist, to all the participants in every class, to all of you here at Love Shack. I feel better. I am coping. I have coped. And this is my graduation thread, my statement that I have moved on from the relationship that was, but now is not. It's true he is still there, still capable of reappearing, but I have an entirely new grasp of the situation. I no longer want what we had, or desire it, so there is nothing left of us. Asking "will we ever have a relationship again" is like asking me "will I ever have kids". Well, I don't know, but they both do not exists now and so there is nothing to miss. I am grateful for the past. For every suffering, I've learned new insights. For every suffering, I am reminded that this isn't paradise, it's earth. And we are human. And I like it that way. I like it that reality doesn't conform to me, but I have to conform to reality. I like it that I hurt and suffer and cry and become depressed when things don't go my way. There's a bigger, and better world out there than anyone can imagine. Reality brings me the challenges I need to grow, to use up all my energy and grow, keep growing, and grow to new heights outside the smallness of my mind. My heart goes out to everyone experiencing the cruel lash of a lost love, it seems to be the most unbearable suffering imaginable. The pain, the depression, the hurt, the tears....! Love Shack has opened my eyes to all the pain that the loss of love causes. And it has made me aware of just how powerful love actually is. May new love enter into all our lives, coming from within, and not be dependent on any one person or one thing. Edited November 5, 2009 by Ms. Joolie
rp123 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 What a generous posting! I hope one day to reach the same philosophical base as you, and recover from the relentless pain. Thank you.
Dark_of_the_Moon Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I hope I can find the peace that you have found, thank you for the hope!
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 What a generous posting! I hope one day to reach the same philosophical base as you, and recover from the relentless pain. Thank you. Your welcome. I am happy to share the thoughts of my journey... well, it's relatively easy on cyperspace. It is the pain that is the worst part of the healing process. The pain! I've laid crippled in bed with pain... what pain? The pain of my thoughts. Thinking and thinking about what happened, about what was. And I did it to myself. Every painful thought came from me. I have the same thoughts now about what happened, but without the pain. I think that is because I got a new, bigger picture on the event. I talked, I shared, I wrote.... I took classes that opened up my mind to a new view, I went to therapy. My mind changed with all the new views and all the new input. And so I can look back at those same thoughts, without pain, and a new mind. When my logic changed, my thoughts expanded, and the pain went away. That is how I can describe it at best, looking back and learning from it all. Wishing you relief from your relentless pain, rp123.
Author Ms. Joolie Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 I hope I can find the peace that you have found, thank you for the hope! There is a peace I have found. And I've been recovering from an eating disorder, so that gives you an idea of the peace I did not have. My idea of peace is when I can be very still and just enjoy the moment. I have a picture of the sun rising on the beach for my avator. That is a moment of peace I constantly want to keep with me... "Everything is okay as is." That is what I tell myself. ..............what I don't have yet is the strength to live everyday maintaining this peace within, or the courage to face difficulties. Hey, life happens and I have to go back to square one. But it's a journey. Wishing you all the happiness that comes from a peaceful moment, and a peaceful mind, Dark of the Moon.
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