mononoke Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 this is my first time posting here. i came upon the site looking for some relief from what im feeling. my fiance of almost 4 years left me on monday of last week. i am a mess. we had a very healthy, loving relationship and i didnt see it coming at all. he said he did "alot of soul searching" and "wasnt happy". he said we were too different at the core of who we are to see a future between us. the worst part about this is not just the breakup, but the fact that he encouraged me to go back to school (after 7 years break) and promised to support me this semester while i got adjusted. we lived together and so now i have no money, no job, and am staying on peoples couches and in the middle of school. sometimes i feel like im going to have a nervous breakdown. i know i cant but all i want to do is go back home. i know its new, and time will help, but i am so incredibly sad. he was the man i wanted to marry. i think its especially hard cause i had no idea he was unhappy, he never said anything about it. and usually we talk through everything. and im having horrible nightmares about him. just that we are still together and happy. i wake up in the middle of intense panic attacks, soaked through in cold sweat. i dread going to bed now. im so physically and mentally tired. and in the middle of all this im supposed to be trying to find a job, a place to stay, and do well in school. i just dont have it in me. none of it seems real. i just cry all the time. the anxiety is the worst. i am anxious to begin with and have never seen anyone about it. do you think therapy would help? im at a loss. im trying so hard to figure out how to put my life back together but its so hard. i still have to find a place and then we have to split our stuff and i have to move out. the thought of that kills me. and i cant take my cat right now so hes going to have to watch him for awhile which prolongs it even more. i just dont know how to go from one day thinking you both are totally in love and getting married to nothing. i feel like ive been dropped from a cliff. when i took off my ring i felt like i was tearing out a piece of my soul. we were such a good match. i dont know what happened. i guess i just needed to talk to other people who have been there. i love him so much and its killing me. thanks guys in advance for reading this.
rp123 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Gosh, really feeling for you. You have come to the right place! This is broken heart central...... For now, just try to hang in there. Take it 1 hour at a time. I can really empathize. We are all standing by you, in your pain......
Author mononoke Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 thank you so much. its just so hard not to burst into tears all the time. im sitting at school and all red-eyed and a mess.
Author mononoke Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 and is it normal to feel so needy? i get bugged out about being alone, even panic-y. i am on facebook all day just hoping for someone to talk to...if not all i want to do is be at my friends houses.
McGrupp Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 i feel so needy now. i wasnt b4, but now for some reason its so amplified. so yes, normal.
Odyssey Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Yes it's perfectly normal to feel needy when you've just broken up. That feeling won't die down until a month or so of solid nc, at least for me. (By the way, princess mononoke, right? One of my favourite anime... "Ugh! I smell like a human".) Hang in there princess.
Author mononoke Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 yeah it is from princess mononoke. my favorite as well. i just signed onto facebook (where we have 125 mutual friends in common) and saw a pic a friend posted of a bowl of food. i knew instantly that it was my dishware and she was over at my house tonight. and it made my stomach turn and all the heat leave my chest. i hate that we have so many things/friends in common. how sad is it that just a picture of a bowl of food makes me feel like im going to throw up? i hate this new life. it hurts so much.
Author mononoke Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 im so scared that since i was so happy in the relationship that hell always be the one that got away. i dont want to be missing him a year from now. *sigh*
McGrupp Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 i talked to my ex today. she told me she was alice in wonderland for halloween. i googled the image and that practically made me sick. sometimes we have to go away from the internets. and them. your fresh into this. its going to hurt a lot. but stay NC and you will heal so much faster.
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