Author JaggedRoad Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 I suppose there was no concrete plan. The "plan" was for me to move to the UK once I graduate or once I am eligible for a UK work visa. But those plans are no longer of value. Her feelings have changed. She deleted the comments that I made on her facebook pictures. Saying "pretty" is apparently creepy, but it was alright for everyone else to say "cute" or make other suggestive comments.
northstar1 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I suppose there was no concrete plan. The "plan" was for me to move to the UK once I graduate or once I am eligible for a UK work visa. But those plans are no longer of value. Her feelings have changed. She deleted the comments that I made on her facebook pictures. Saying "pretty" is apparently creepy, but it was alright for everyone else to say "cute" or make other suggestive comments. Jagged, based on everyone's reponses on here who have gone through this, what do you think would allow you to have your closure and let go of that shred of hope?
Odyssey Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I wouldn't take those FB comments too personally...she's only trying to distance herself from you, as best she could. It's not intended to be hostile. I guess she doesn't want this "make-up, break-up" drama repeated again, 'cause it's, like you said, the discomfort is too great for her to take.
Author JaggedRoad Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Jagged, based on everyone's reponses on here who have gone through this, what do you think would allow you to have your closure and let go of that shred of hope? Realistically, it would be time. Ideally, it would be a proper conversation with her about the relationship and break-up. I wouldn't take those FB comments too personally...she's only trying to distance herself from you, as best she could. It's not intended to be hostile. I guess she doesn't want this "make-up, break-up" drama repeated again, 'cause it's, like you said, the discomfort is too great for her to take.That's easier said than done--not taking it too personally. I don't want the drama to be repeated again either. It's not something that makes me feel at ease. And it certainly didn't help when I was studying either.
northstar1 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Realistically, it would be time. Ideally, it would be a proper conversation with her about the relationship and break-up. /QUOTE] Let me ask you, what can she tell you now that you don't already know, or will possibly help you move on? You will ask questions, she may or may not reply honestly. This will begat more questions, and the cycle will continue. I know the frustration involved, thinking that something has to give, and doing something is better than nothing. But, since I did eventually emerge from the other side, I can tell you that doing NOTHING at all is the best step to get over her. Any other mucking about will just keep you connected and in pain.
Author JaggedRoad Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Let me ask you, what can she tell you now that you don't already know, or will possibly help you move on? I'm not sure. She made vague mention of things after the break-up that didn't seem to make sense.
Exit Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Do whatever you gotta do man, I'm in no position to sit here and tell you not to do it. I was in the same boat, everyone was screaming at me to stop and let it go, but I had to do things my way, the hard way. 5 months after the breakup I was still pursuing her. Like you, I felt like I couldn't rest until I knew that I had tried EVERYTHING. I made one last attempt, waited for her at her house with some flowers, she ended up coming home with her new boyfriend. Not a fun situation. It sucked. But you know what... that next day when I woke up, the healing truly began. I knew I had tried everything I could and I knew she didn't give a sh*t about me anymore. So if you're like me, if you need to take a brick to the face instead of subtle hints that it's time to move on, then go for it. Either you'll have some sort of magical reconciliation, or you'll end up flying home so hurt and rejected that you'll have no choice but to give up.
DustySaltus Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I remember when my EX and I broke up I bought a ticket from Israel back to NYC. The round trip ticket was cheaper than a one way, so the agent gave me a "return date" of July 27th, just as a formality. I almost got back on the plane over there. But she did so many messed up things to me. She really tried to destroy me and do some really vindictive things to me. I realized this MYSELF and ripped up the ticket. Sometimes we get blinded by the good times and forget about all the things that happened to put us in the position we are today. Your relationship ended via email. Mine ended via a VERY NASTY argument in person where she told me to leave and promised me that she would make me suffer going forward....trust me, I would've rather had the email. The pain is still there for me 4 months later. Albeit I was engaged and became a citizen of her country and it still wasn't enough. But the pain does get less and less everyday. You do this and you are back to Day 1...life is too short to go through that process again. There is a woman out there dying to meet a guy like you. Look what you did for this woman??? Hold out for the one that will reciprocate those feelings. Good luck.
Author JaggedRoad Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 (edited) Hopefully that person will have a better memory too. I'm sorry for still having these feelings. The break-up came at a really bad time in my life. I wish she was a little more understanding and patient. Whoever is out there looking for someone like me, I hope she won't mind waiting 1 or 2 years for me to get my life back together. Edited November 7, 2009 by JaggedRoad
hellopack Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Hi, Just been reading all the various posts, you probably dont need me to say again not to do it. My g/f split up with me after 7yrs via text and then only communicated to me through emails. I dont know what happend in your break up and dont know the kind of person you or your ex were, but in my book, breaking up with someone in that manner no matter how long you have been together is a pretty guttless and ****ty way to do it. With my ex I knew that if she could treat me as bad as that then she really didnt deserve someone as good as me (I know that may sound big headed but you really need to big yourself up in your mind). If you do go and see her be prepared that - 1) You will probably feel pretty **** for a week or so after as all your emotions will be mixed up 2) Even if you are feeling a mess on the inside dont let them see that. They will be less likely to take you back if you look desperate. Make sure you come across as being confident and being able to get on with life without her so she can see what she is missing, although dont make it look as if you dont care. Anyway as I say my advice may be rubbish as I dont know you or your situation, but good luck whatever you do.
Author JaggedRoad Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 No, your advice is fine. Thank you for your words. My ex, I would say, is a good person. The biggest behavioral problem that she has is her stonewalling. And although she won't admit it (at least not now), she tends to jump to conclusions and make very rash decisions that are purely affected by emotions. I say this with confidence because she was not afraid of admitting it to me when we were still together. As for myself, I have a very bad temper. I never snapped at her before the break-up, but she was aware of it. Her mother is aware of it too. The thing is, I don't want to be back with her. Nothing is going to change. I really love her, but that's not enough for her anymore. She more than what I am able to give her right now.
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