weeble78 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Hey guys, I'm sure I will get a few tuts for what I'm about to post, but as long as that comes with some good advice/opinions I'll be happy! Ok, I'm 2 months out of a 7 year relationship - very happy, going out on dates and generally in disbelief I didn't do it sooner. 3 weeks ago one Saturday night I was feeling a little lonely;) and found a naughty dating site - with the intention of finding somebody to flirt with, maybe more. Got chatting to this guy, arranged to meet up in several days. Day before he called me and we chatted for 2 hours - lovely guy - eek. Liked the sound of him so told him he was the kind of guy I'd date as he sounded nice. He was happy with that, took me out somewhere lovely and we had a very nice kiss at the end of the night. We did chat about it during the night and I told him that although I wanted a date, I wasn't looking for Mr Right at the present. So, he texts me when he gets home saying what a wicked night he's had etc, then the next day we arrange to meet again. I'm sick and blow him off until last Sunday, when by that time I'm still sick but he wants to come over anyway. He comes over with a box of chocolates mid-afternoon. We sit playing cards, listening to music and chatting loads for hours. Then we do some naughty things - woo hoo. During the chatting, he's talking about me meeting his family - I reiterate that it might not be sensible for me to be thinking about relationships so we agree on friends with benefits. Anyway, the reason I'm posting here is that I have an inkling that he's such a nice guy I can see I might have more feelings in the future for him than one should for a friend with benefits. I have had 2 such 'relationships' previously and had no connection with these people other than we respected each other and made each other horny as. So, I'm wondering whether I should tell this guy next time we go out on a date. He's said he's open for anything to happen, and jokingly suggested 'you might find your Mr Right off the internet'. Now since last Sunday, he texted me when he got home a very sweet message, I replied in a horny way and he texted me back again but very sweetly. The thing is I don't really know what I want - and this guy is HOT!!! He has a six pack to die for and is very energetic - as well as being lovely lovely lovely. Any advice or opinion would be lovely - sorry this is so long! Thank you!xx
Author weeble78 Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Ooh other thing is I haven't heard from him since Sunday and he hasn't tried to call or email, so I'm getting the feeling he might be trying to show he's not interested in that way. Just to clarify, he's 32, only had a 2 year relationship, live-in girlfriend 5 years ago and she cheated on him. He's very independent, hates clingy girlfriends and says he doesn't get attached very easily. I'm 31, have had 2 big relationships (3 years and 7 years), had 2 **** buddys long term. I'm very independent and hate clingy guys, do get attached and am never looking to be in a relationship.
aerogurl87 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Hey guys, I'm sure I will get a few tuts for what I'm about to post, but as long as that comes with some good advice/opinions I'll be happy! Ok, I'm 2 months out of a 7 year relationship - very happy, going out on dates and generally in disbelief I didn't do it sooner. 3 weeks ago one Saturday night I was feeling a little lonely;) and found a naughty dating site - with the intention of finding somebody to flirt with, maybe more. Got chatting to this guy, arranged to meet up in several days. Day before he called me and we chatted for 2 hours - lovely guy - eek. Liked the sound of him so told him he was the kind of guy I'd date as he sounded nice. He was happy with that, took me out somewhere lovely and we had a very nice kiss at the end of the night. We did chat about it during the night and I told him that although I wanted a date, I wasn't looking for Mr Right at the present. So, he texts me when he gets home saying what a wicked night he's had etc, then the next day we arrange to meet again. I'm sick and blow him off until last Sunday, when by that time I'm still sick but he wants to come over anyway. He comes over with a box of chocolates mid-afternoon. We sit playing cards, listening to music and chatting loads for hours. Then we do some naughty things - woo hoo. During the chatting, he's talking about me meeting his family - I reiterate that it might not be sensible for me to be thinking about relationships so we agree on friends with benefits. Anyway, the reason I'm posting here is that I have an inkling that he's such a nice guy I can see I might have more feelings in the future for him than one should for a friend with benefits. I have had 2 such 'relationships' previously and had no connection with these people other than we respected each other and made each other horny as. So, I'm wondering whether I should tell this guy next time we go out on a date. He's said he's open for anything to happen, and jokingly suggested 'you might find your Mr Right off the internet'. Now since last Sunday, he texted me when he got home a very sweet message, I replied in a horny way and he texted me back again but very sweetly. The thing is I don't really know what I want - and this guy is HOT!!! He has a six pack to die for and is very energetic - as well as being lovely lovely lovely. Any advice or opinion would be lovely - sorry this is so long! Thank you!xx Ok read what I highlighted and bold and see the theme? This guy is not interested in just being FWB, he wants a relationship. The fact that you're not even sure what you want, is probably going to make things worse in the long run with you being wishy washy. Also, why are you two going on dates? That's what people who are dating do, they go on dates. If you want to strictly keep this just FWB for now, do not, I repeat DO NOT go on dates together. That's just giving him the wrong idea about the whole situation and in essence you're sending out mixed signals to him about your intentions. So, you have three options. 1) Put your foot down and tell him this is strictly FWB and you can't do the whole pseudo dating thing because you don't want him to get it twisted on what you two have or 2) stop being FWB and just be friends (hang out like you've been doing and all that) and see where things go or 3) just drop this FWB facade and date him as you're basically already doing.
New Again Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Who knows what's up with him. Maybe he's clingy and gets attached easily. Maybe he's super interested in you for real reasons. Maybe he just is saying what he thinks you want to hear to get in your pants. Maybe I misread, but I thought you already did tell him that you're not looking for a relationship? If you already told him what's up with you, there's not need to talk about it again. And always keep in mind where you met him...is it the kind of place someone places an ad who is looking for a relationship?
Author weeble78 Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Thanks guys for your advice and opinions! Any more for any more? Am still thinking of what to do.......
A O Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 The thing is I don't really know what I want If you don't know what you want then you're basically up shyt creek without a paddle. One of the keys to a successful life is knowing what you want and where you want to go. Until you know that, then you'll be second guessing everyone and everything, including yourself. Not a good way to be. .
Author weeble78 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 That really should be obvious to me, but I guess it's the changing my mind which has complicated things (isn't this what women do?!). So anyway, even though I don't know if we're a match made in heaven and he's said he's looking for a FWB I'm going to tell him I want proper dating with him and nothing less. If he doesn't like it - moving on swiftly! It's funny, I thought that kind of scenario would be perfect for me but it seems that old age has mellowed me into a more loving person I think. Anyone else found that they changed dating personality dramatically once they've come out of a long relationship?
A O Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 That really should be obvious to me, but I guess it's the changing my mind which has complicated things (isn't this what women do?!). Having seen your circumstance a few times now I'd have it a guess that deep down you always knew what you wanted but you were just a tad afraid to admit it to yourself (and others probably). Lots of people, not long out of a long-term relationship, are a lil gun shy about entering another relationship, for various reasons. Singing the 'I just wanna have a little fun for awhile' tune is a good way of shielding them against potential disappointment. That's my take on things. My point being, your change of mind is par for the course given your circumstance. Basic human nature in other words moreso than anything specific to women. I'm going to tell him I want proper dating with him and nothing less. If he doesn't like it - moving on swiftly! Kewl. .
aerogurl87 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Anyone else found that they changed dating personality dramatically once they've come out of a long relationship? After my recent ex and I broke up I realized that casual dating wasn't the thing for me anymore because I came to the realization that I loved being in a relationship where I actually felt genuinely cared for. So I was determined to not casually hook up with guys anymore. From now on they were going into two categories: either friends or potential boyfriend material. Life is short, and I wasn't going to waste more of my time on investing my time and energy into something I knew wasn't going to work out from the get go.
DanielMadr Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Hi there, Most guys cant read mind and we are used to say what we think, so dont count on him he will be different. So if you tell him you dont want anything serious and than secretely love him....ooops. Todays courtship is too complicated for us - its too much talk and on top of that deceiving talk. For ages we were used to silent courtship....you came to strange village, grabbed some girl and most of the times she couldnt even speak our language. So no talk. She either kicked too much or not so much SMS, email is even more misleading - no non-verbal language involved. On top of that we are fed from one side that girls know what they want and on other hand reality speaks different....very confusing:p Advice: Next time save your words and unless its straight "Get lost weirdo", dont blurt out definitive resolutins....buy some time. Whats wrong about getting to know someone better through ordinary dating? Any decent criminal will tell you that its best to just answer questions than to offer explanations.
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