Von Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I'm not sure where my other thread went, but it's been awhile so I'm starting anew one. To catch up, she broke up with me 2 months ago over fighting last two months of our relationship over stupid stuff and for trust issues and she had said she fell out of love with me. I decided to not initiate contact with her to help me heal, but she would send me txts a few times a week, which I took my time to respond to, and we met up 3 times over the course of 2 months. On the second date I tried to kiss her and she denied me, she said she liked us as friends and I didn't accept that and we talked and agreed to not date other people and try and see where things would go. Well during that time it was driving me crazy, I felt she was leading me on, and this past weekend we talked and I put pressure on her that we should start dating and to show it with actions, cuz up to that point she hadn't been showing much interest. She kept blowing me off when I tried to make plans with her, we only met up when it was her idea. I tried all kinds of things, playing hard to get, reversing roles, ignoring her txts for days, giving her space, none of it worked. We ended up meeting yesterday and she called it all off. She said she couldn't give me 100% and realized she was happy on her own, and didn't want to be with anyone right now, and she doesn't know what she wants (ya right). I accepted it and told her how I felt and reminded her of why I was an amazing man and that she won't realize things with me around, and I said if were meant to be together we will. I told her I was walking away and closind the door but she has a key to that door and if she comes back someday and the lock hasn't been changed, we may be together. I left her with the idea that if she came back I'd give her a good life. We hugged and cried and said goodbye. I completely blew it at trying to get back together. I should have broke things off and gone complete no contact when she threw out the friend card, so that she could miss me and possibly come back as her idea not mine. And I should have been more patient with her. Dammit. I am completely heartbroken and devastated, but I know I have to take time to heal and try to move on. If anyone has had something similar happen or insight, do you have advice for me? I'm hoping she may come back someday. I'm going no contact, I will never initiate contact again, unless she really comes back. Do they ever come back after they have finalized the breakup and lost all interest? They say absense makes the heart grow fonder.
amtz Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) My brake up was very similar to yours.. We hugged, told her how much I loved her & that if some day she ever wanted to come back it would be nice to talk about it and see what went wrong and what options we have to fix them. My advise to you is just delete her from your life ASAP. This includes social networks Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, IM's, Phone Book, Digital Photos etc.. This may seem childish but it is the best thing to do and many people recommend it. If you want to forget her you must delete or hide things that remind you of her and what you lived with her, also don't push things!!! THIS IS A BIG NO!!! I know how much you want to see him/her and call and tell him/her what you feel but the other person already told you she doesn't want you in his/her life and you must respect this ASAP!! And eventually calling & looking for him/her can easily become stressing and can make him/her feel harassed... By stepping away you bring hope of getting back since eventually the other person will think and realize that you moved on with your life and this might make them nervous and can re consider at a later time. Perhaps he/she took this desicion because they were having a bad day, they felt chocked, they didn't know what they wanted, but sooner or later they will have time to think of what they have lost or gained by braking with you.... In simple words "how many times have you regretted in spending money in something you didn't need??" or " Would you come back to a restaurant were they treated you nice?" If you treated her with respect & kindness she will notice this at one point of her life. The worst thing you can do is let him/her see you cry and broken. This make them feel confident and in the same time think they can come back to you at any time they want since they know you want them back sooo much!!!! By all means do cry this is part of heeling and will make things much easier, but just don't make that other person see you a mess. Eventually if he/she don't come back you will find someone else at some point in your life!!! In the end there is no one more important than YOU!!! Be firm soldier Edited November 5, 2009 by amtz
TaraMaiden Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Von, I take it you mean this one? if you haven't read it already, then you should carefully go through the caliguy No Contact guide in my signature. You do this for you, and nobody else. No ulterior motives, nothing. It's Over. Now it's time to start getting over it. Move on, there's nothing to see here, any more....
Pfiend101 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I know how you feel bro. I was NC for about 3 months and came back in saw her twice and now I get nothing. No text's no calls nothing. I put so much into the relationship and didnt get much back. Just burnt. Move on and do not contact. The whole time I was trying to get her back it just caused more pain that hadn't surfaced in awhile. Uncovered memories. Made me lose confidence I had built up. Stay NC. She has to want you back. Nothing you can do will change her mind right now.
name witheld Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 What if she broke up with you because she thought you didn't care and would never committ? Surely NC would make that worse?
Author Von Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 What if she broke up with you because she thought you didn't care and would never committ? Surely NC would make that worse? Are you meaning that for me? I tried my hardest at the breakup to show I wanted to be with her. Then after for the last 2 months I tried different ways to get out of friend zone but leave the door open, and all it did was help her heal and move on. She never got a chance to miss me or realize my worth. I for sure let her know I was ready to start over. So that's not what happened. I need time to heal and try to move on. If she comes back it has to be her idea not mine
name witheld Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 No I think its pretty clear you cared and she knew that, was just offering up a scenario on the flipside. Just questioning NC within a different context.
Recommended Posts