taboo Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 This is a story of two people both married for years and love they're spouses. However, they are in love with each other and have been intimate and continue to communicate as they are geograpically 800 miles apart. They talk to each other everyday and have never experienced this level of splendor they share with each other with anyone even spouses at anytime in either of their lives. They are not all evil people both have raised families and children all grown and moved out and families of their own. One of these individuals is being torn up by guilt for being in love with her new found love after the last encounter which was heavenly for both. The female has had many opportunites and never did anything until she met him. The male as well never did any cheating of anykind until he met her The fact here is these two people are very deeply in love and though they love their spouses they are not in love with them but they love them and have not displaced any love from either. Both the spouses of these two people have done their share of abuse mainly emotional and controlling fashion as well as being accusatory and mindlessly suspicious and jealous taking for granted the other over the course of their marriages. Please somebody some input but would be very welcome Please help
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 The male as well never did any cheating of anykind until he met herThe fact here is these two people are very deeply in love and thoughthey love their spouses they are not in love with them but they love them and have not displaced any love from either. Sometimes loving somebody means letting go, especially if your IN love with someone else. Besides... the ugly truth comes when you ask an affair partner to choose. Otherwise it's all smoke and mirrors.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 If anything the two cheaters are bad people. Affairs are bad and yet they choose this! so what does that say about them. Also what gives these two people the right to drag their spouses through hell for which they dont know about. Is that fair to them or their future? The cheaters dont love their spouses, they dont even love themselves. They just love the gratification loving others while attached to someone else brings. They need to be divorced so that way both friends can get together, And let's see if that relationship works out!
seibert253 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Both are very selfish and self absorbed. The right think to do would be to cut contact, admit to their prospective spouses, then go from there. Give the marriages a shot, but if it doesn't work out, they can return to each other, enjoying the fact the destroyed not one, but two families.
1Angel Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Is there a reason divorce isn't an option? For real. Am I missing something here too?
TaraMaiden Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 OK, taboo, quit the hypotheticals. You're in love with someone. Someone is in love with you. You're married. They're married. You say it's wonderful. They say it's wonderful. You say you both love your spouse(s) but, and I quote, they love their spouses they are not in love with them but they love them and have not displaced any love from either. Both the spouses of these two people have done their share of abuse mainly emotional and controlling fashion as well as being accusatory and mindlessly suspicious and jealous taking for granted the other over the course of their marriages. Which frankly is Bu11$h1t, because you either love them, and want to be with them, or you don't because of the black picture you have painted of them (leaving you looking saintly, of course, even though you've opened your legs for another man/slipped it into another woman....yeh, whatever.....) Why would you want to stay an extra second with spouses who "have done their share of abuse mainly emotional and controlling fashion as well as being accusatory and mindlessly suspicious and jealous taking for granted the other over the course of their marriages".... ....When you have fallen in love with Mr/s perfect? ('Accusatory, and mindlessly suspicious and jealous?' So they're not wrong though, are they?) Think, before you post such diatribe. You're playing with fire. At least wear something flame-proof.....
Mr. Lucky Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 ('Accusatory, and mindlessly suspicious and jealous?' So they're not wrong though, are they?) I had to laugh at that one too. What's that old line about how it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you? At least in this case, it would seem that their "mindless suspicions" were pretty well grounded . The fact here is these two people are very deeply in love and though they love their spouses they are not in love with them but they love them and have not displaced any love from either. Another contradiction. How do you have the obvious infatuation and intimacy you feel for your AP and not have it come at the expense of your marriage? Amongst other people, you're also fooling yourself... Mr. Lucky
boomboom63 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 hmmmmmm..................... perhaps that should read rightly suspicious
2sure Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Who are you to decide for your spouse and the spouse of your affair partner that the love you give them is enough for them ? They are living their lives & making decisions, while all the while their marriages and lives are being undermined without their knowledge. Something is not quite right but they dont know what. Who are you to decide that given the choice of your love or the betrayal ...they would choose you? You claim that you can love both your H and your OM. Of course you can. But who you love the most is yourself. Your justifications dont change that. And if its ok with you, then fine. What are you asking for help with? Feeling guilty? You want to feel better about this?
never deny love Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 forget about those responses they are not in your situation and i can relate to your circumstances. i have been married for 23 years to a wonderful woman we are best of friends before spouses. i have never kept anything from her except the fact that i have been in love with another woman she knows as does her spouse know me. if you are in love with each other and cannot comprehend the thought of devastating your spouses then just handle it! you are both a big boy and big girl and as you say "no love displaced" i totally understand you. as far as the guilt one of you has well i suspect whoever feels this guilt is feeling it because they are catholic or jewish as being raised as one you are bestowed plenty of guilt for nothing. to love is not a sin and love has no guilt and if you are in love with each other as you say by all means cherish each other because as much as i love my wife i have never been in love in my life as i am with my soulmate. sure can say 7, 10, 15, 20 year itch...blah blah, but you know if you are a bad person or not and if you mean what you say then it wasnt about the sex at first that is the icing on the cake! if anything this affair of 10 years has kept my marraige in tact and healthy. the bottom line is dont deny your hearts if you are in love with each other just handle it the best you can
Author taboo Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 thank you everyone for your advice especially you neverdenylove i thought that no one could understand my dilemma thank goodness you do understand i was losing my mind and you are so on the button...like breaking these codes of behavior and these basic laws of our hypocritcal civilized society and yes much of the guilt the other feels does originate from religion! i want to thank you once again as we talked and we continue to love our spouses and each other you were so right...people so judgemental and ready to condemn you as evil as they pass ridicule on people. they talk from a "very warm spot"...their ass perhaps?...people again thank you but please put yourselves in the situation before you so casually dismiss and form opinions and conclusions to how evil people are.
eeyore1981 Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 I am so confused by these last two posts. Hey, there is this thing, it's called 'Open Marriage'. I guess you have never heard of it, so let me explain how it works. 2 people are married, but they also see other people on the side. Both of them, with full knowledge and consent of their respective spouses, not just one sneaking around, telling lies, and pretending to be in a monogamous relationship. You guys feel YOU are entitled to have a spouse, and also someone on the side. Why not the same benefits to your spouses, after all, you both are so right, and the rest of us are so wrong. So go to your spouses, explain how you feel, and allow them the same privilege of stepping out you allow yourself. I don't understand why you haven't already, as you see nothing wrong with it, at least where yourself is concerned. Did I see the word 'hypocritical' in one of these posts? Hmmmm..... Go ahead, I dare you. Oh, btw, most sane people with an operating conscience don't have to experience a situation to know right from wrong. Cheating on my husband is not going to make cheating right, sorry, and I don't have to to know that.
2sunny Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 i find it fascinating that you deliver the story from a distant perspective... part of who you are, perhaps? a person's writing style shows many facets - and yours is just - distant - almost as an observer or storyteller. so i say what the heck? your spouses DO have a right to understand the full scope of what you bring to your marriages... that is part of being married. tell them the truth, then you can figure out what role they play in all this... otherwise - you have eliminated their right to choose, based upon the truth of the whole situation. it's only fair, right? and that's not bringing judgment into it at all, just going by your written words and the facts you laid out.
Bryanp Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your husband was betraying, disrespecting you and putting your health at risk for STD's? You are playing your husband for a fool. If you had any honesty and integrity you would be honest with your husband and allow him the opportunity to decide how he would want to proceed with your marriage. What you are doing is pulling all the strings and making your husband a puppet. Does your husband really deserve the enomous disrespect and betrayal you are showing him? If you believe everybody is such hypocrites then why can't your be truthful to your husband? You and your lover are manipulators of those people who love are committed to you. Would you want your children to grow up and do the things you are doing to their loving spouses? Speaking of hypocritical please do not go on about how much you are loving toward your spouse. You continue to betray, disrespect and humiliate him. Again how would you feel if your husband was manipulating you the way you are manipulating him?
kuma Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 This is a story of two people both married for years and love they're spouses. However, they are in love with each other and have been intimate and continue to communicate as they are geograpically 800 miles apart. They talk to each other everyday and have never experienced this level of splendor they share with each other with anyone even spouses at anytime in either of their lives. They are not all evil people both have raised families and children all grown and moved out and families of their own. One of these individuals is being torn up by guilt for being in love with her new found love after the last encounter which was heavenly for both. The female has had many opportunites and never did anything until she met him. The male as well never did any cheating of anykind until he met her The fact here is these two people are very deeply in love and though they love their spouses they are not in love with them but they love them and have not displaced any love from either. Both the spouses of these two people have done their share of abuse mainly emotional and controlling fashion as well as being accusatory and mindlessly suspicious and jealous taking for granted the other over the course of their marriages. Please somebody some input but would be very welcome Please help If you love your husband, let him go. Right now you're the one controlling your husband. Can't you see it? You're wasting his time and you have no right to do that. And how do you know your MM's wife is an abusive woman? Have you met her?
tami-chan Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Where is the logic? None....love is an emotion, how often is that logical?
tami-chan Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 This is a story of two people both married for years and love they're spouses. However, they are in love with each other and have been intimate and continue to communicate as they are geograpically 800 miles apart. They talk to each other everyday and have never experienced this level of splendor they share with each other with anyone even spouses at anytime in either of their lives. They are not all evil people both have raised families and children all grown and moved out and families of their own. One of these individuals is being torn up by guilt for being in love with her new found love after the last encounter which was heavenly for both. The female has had many opportunites and never did anything until she met him. The male as well never did any cheating of anykind until he met her The fact here is these two people are very deeply in love and though they love their spouses they are not in love with them but they love them and have not displaced any love from either. Both the spouses of these two people have done their share of abuse mainly emotional and controlling fashion as well as being accusatory and mindlessly suspicious and jealous taking for granted the other over the course of their marriages. Please somebody some input but would be very welcome Please help Tell us what is a perfect world for you? keeping the marriage and having a BF on the side? your OM/MM leaving his marriage and you and he run off together and live happily ever after? Telling your spouses the truth and them tolerating your affair? what is it that you want? or....you are just not sure what you want and hope that talking about it here will somehow help you put things in perspective and hopefully, make a sound, honest decision?
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