Author becky2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Okay, yesterday I was emotional and feeling a little insecure I am feeling better today : ) I realize that this whole situation is a big risk, statistically, emotionally, and this is going to take a lot of time. I know everyone says they are different...but we have been best friends for over 12 years and I do think we have a shot at this, or at least I think it is worth the risk. There are going to be many rough days ahead and we probably will not officially be together for another year or two. I really do Love him : )
OWoman Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 OW - Quick Question for you. Did you and your husband separate before getting back together, did he try reconciliation with his W or was it a DDay and he chose you? There was no DDay. We just decided we wanted to be together, full-time, and so we both made it happen. Him, by leaving his M; Me, by packing up and sorting out loose ends and joining him - which took longer. Once his D was finalised, we Md. That took a while longer as his xW tried to stall things. There was no attempted reconciliation of his M once he'd left. He had tried to get her to go for MC but she refused (he went with the kids, for family counselling, and he went for IC). They had been for MC once before - before I came on the scene - but she'd walked out when the MC had intimated that her behaviour was unacceptable. When he left, she did not at first believe there as "someone else" and thought it was a stunt to get her to agree to MC. But it was far too late for him, by then. How did you get past the fear of him going back to her? He has given me no reason in the last week to believe he will but there was back and forth on his decision for over a year. I suppose it wasn't a fear I ever had - and, realistically, if he HAD wanted to go back to that, then it would show him to be a very damaged person... Damaged beyond anything I could see myself investing in, at this stage of my life. I was taking a huge gamble in that sense - packing up my life and moving to the other side of the world - but it was something we both wanted. We knew what we'd be losing, and what we'd be gaining. To us, the risks were worth it.
OWoman Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Okay, yesterday I was emotional and feeling a little insecure I am feeling better today : ) I realize that this whole situation is a big risk, statistically, emotionally, and this is going to take a lot of time. I know everyone says they are different...but we have been best friends for over 12 years and I do think we have a shot at this, or at least I think it is worth the risk. There are going to be many rough days ahead and we probably will not officially be together for another year or two. I really do Love him : ) The worst that can happen is that it doesn't work out. That's a risk with any R - of any kind - whether it shows up straight away or many years down the line. If the good that you get out of it outweighs the bad, it's worth the risk. It's always easier to deal with mistakes you've made over things you've done, that you shouldn't have, than with things you should have done, but lacked the courage to do. Enjoy it.
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