shelby68 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I keep having dreams about an ex gf from 5 years ago and in them, we are talking and having a nice time. She was such a good person and I wanted to marry her, but I just wasn't ready. She wanted to marry me too. She moved away and married someone else. I know there is nothing I can do and I wouldn't want to contact her and make her upset. The thing is, whenever I have these dreams, I wake up crying. It makes me so sad for the rest of the day. I wish I could forget about her because these dreams are so vivid and seem so real. The pain is so bad sometimes that I can't think clearly the next day. Why is this still so painful for me? I wish I could erase all memories of her because this is driving me crazy! This is a serious question, so please only serious answers. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my dad died last year of cancer and he had wanted me to marry her. I have told my mom about this and she says I can't keep beating myself about it. My mom now has a new man in her life and that makes me feel so lonely now because she and I got real close after my dad's death and now I feel like I can only talk to my therapist. Why do women seem to be able to move on better than men? Sometimes I wish it would all end so that this pain would finally stop:( I don't really have anything else to say, I just need to know how I can deal with this.
AliveAndKicking Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Aw wow that happens to me sometimes too. Makes for a very quiet relective day for me... I think it the subconscious mind purging itself of pain. Our counsuios mind runs all day long thinking thinking THINKING all the time. I honestly think that the dreams and crying in one's sleep is themids way of coping with things that our conscious or "waking" minds can't handle or we refuse to deal with. Know this: It is common and it is natural after a traumatic experience. It WILL get better given time. It just takes time *sigh*... Should it happen again perhaps you won't be so alarmed because you now know that it has happened to me too. You also now know that it's gonna be "one of those days" so rather than fight it allow yourself a "quiet" day. It's okay to have a "down" day as long as you're not beating on yourslf mentally remotionally. On those days I tend to keep to myself if possible, maybe allow myself a little cry while awake as well, and I tell myself that it is sign that I am working through the pain, that I am processing things, and that I am on the road, albeit slowly, to recovery. You're not alone in this. Be brave, strong, and patient. It'll get better!
USMCHokie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 It may not seem like it, but having "down days" or days where you are feeling emotional is part of the process of dealing with loss. Obviously you don't have a problem with releasing emotion, which is a good sign. People who bottle up the emotion and try to be "strong" to convince themselves that they're ok are just ticking time bombs...they will either make poor choices along the way because they refuse to deal with their loss, or they just suddenly explode one day...to a point where they may do something bad to themselves... No one said that the pain will go away in an instant...it takes time...for some, it's quicker, for others, it takes a lot longer...you really can't measure how long it'll take you based on how others cope with loss...only you will know that, and you'll only know that after enough time has passed that the pain will go away...
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