midnight Posted December 8, 2003 Posted December 8, 2003 I'm really lost here, and I could use a bit of friendly advice... I met this really amazing girl... I'm 24, she's 22. We met, by pure chance, 6000 kilometers from home on a trip on the other side of the continent and found out we only lived 300 kilometers apart. We spent about a month together (as friends), with other people who became our friends too. I spent two weeks more over there than she did, and when I came back, asked if we could see each other again. We dated for about 2 weeks, and have been together ever since (3 months now). It's been an incredible time. I've been in relashionships before, but I don't think I've felt so deeply a connection with someone before (and this is not something I've been able to say about my other relashionships, even when I was still in them, except the first one of course, being young and naive...). Everything was going great, with little bumps or bruises (we never fought, never got mad at each other). Then she called me Friday night at midnight (we call each other everyday and speak for about an hour (often much more), and we see each other every weekend). We'd already spoken before that evening. She wanted to know what I was thinking about our relashionship, what I felt about her. To make a long (4 hours) story short, she felt she loved me, that she felt good being with me, that she wanted to be with me, but said that she didn't as great being with me as before, and that that wasn't enough for her. Not that it wasn't good, but that it wasn't as great as before. She'd been feeling like that for a week, maybe two now. Maybe it's just me and I'm weird, but it seems to me that when I'm in a new relashionship, I'm kinda on top of a cloud, and everything is just perfect, and you think of the other person every second of every day, but after a while, things get back to earth, and while you still love the other and feel passionatly about them, you can think of other things too... (or maybe I'm just crazy and something is wrong with me...) But for her the cloud was too high (she said she never felt like that before, and I see no reason to believe she lied; that she said it just to make me feel better) and the ground, while good, wasn't high enough to compare with her cloud. She hung up, crying. So you can understand that I felt pretty miserable that weekend and that I did nothing but think of ways to get her back. I wrote her a long letter, letting her know what I felt for her, what she meant to me, and how I so very much wanted to stay with her, but if she had made her choice and was sure that it was what she wanted, I wouldn't push it. I planned to post it today. But she called me again last night, she wasn't sure about it anymore, she was afraid she was making an horrible mistake. We spoke again for nearly 3 hours. I read her my letter, it made her cry and she said she felt the same things for me as I did for her, but maybe not just as intensely anymore. We agreed not to decide anything now, to give ourselves a few days to think, and maybe meet each other this week before making any final decision. I glad we talked, it helped me make up my mind. I still love her, I still want her, badly, but I not sure staying togheter is the best decision, or even a right one. She wants to stay with me because she loves me, and because what we had felt so good. But she would be staying not because she'd hope to get used to what we have now, but because she'd hope to get back what we had... and how long would it take her to get it back? A day? A week? A month? A year? Never? And all that time she'd be in a relashionship she doesn't want to be in, hoping to get something she may very well be unable to obtain. And it's not something I can fix... I wish so much I could... And I'm afraid that situation would just ruin what we have left now. I think we could stay friends, very good friends, not "let's stay friends"-and-then-never-see-each-other-again friends, we have so much in common. We're not mad at each other, we still feel strongly about each other... I really think she'd want that too. I want to stay with her, but I just don't think that's the right thing to do. I know that, in the end, it's her decision, her's only, and not mine, but I'd like to be able to help her make the right one, even if it means breaking up. Am I making any sense? Do I sound crazy or it that the right thing to do? Or is it just defeatism and I should work hard on how to keep her (how?) I don't know, because I can think straight anymore, and I'd really like to know what you people think (don't be too harsh on me please, it's been difficult to write all this.)
wakeboard_28 Posted December 11, 2003 Posted December 11, 2003 A lot of us on here have similar stories of someone leaving us because they wanted more or they don't feel the same way they felt at the beginning of the relationship. My only advice to you is pretty much what I'm trying to do right now and that is trying to remain friends. You said you two have a lot in common and that is a good point. You may feel better to never speak to her again because of all the emotional pain and frustration she has caused you. If it was me I would continue to stay in touch with her and be there for her as a friend and who knows maybe in the future she can see she has made a mistake and has you there for her. Love isn't finding someone you can picture yourself with, it is finding someone you can't picture yourself without.
Melinda Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 Over time, of course the feelings going to die down, it's going to be there, but it's not going to be as exciting, you know...I mean I've been with my bf for nine months now, and still every day I can't wait for him to get home from work...he still gives me butterflies etc etc...so if this has fallen apart in just a matter of a few months, then maybe you should save yourself the hurt, by letting things go. Maybe she confused the excitement of meeting someone she liked in such a faraway place, finding out you lived near each other, and then made herself think "well that means we're meant to be together"... If you beg her stay, she will only do so because she doesn't want to hurt you. You want her to be with you because that's what she really wants, and you want her to be confident about that... What I'm saying is, why would you want to be with someone who didn't really know if they wanted you or not? I couldn't do that... But if she's worth it then I say (provided it doesn't destroy you) to stay in her life as a friend like you said...but you can't live your life in the small chance she will wake up years later and discover she made a mistake...do you really want to be in her life when she starts seeing someone else? And you have to hear about it? or hear that she's actually happy without you? Prepare yourself! Ultimately it's up to you...but i'd be wary...
wakeboard_28 Posted December 12, 2003 Posted December 12, 2003 I agree whole heartedly. The only person that should matter right now is you. You need know that you can be happy with or without her. Make the decision that will make you feel the best about yourself. Lots of Luck!
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