jinx55 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Me and my gf just become offical a few weeks ago. We hung out for the first time at the end of September of this year, so we have only known each other for a little over a month now. Here is where I am confused, up until about last week when hanging out she treated me nicely. However in the past week the few times we hung out she started to seem distant, she claims she is stressed out and not feeling well which is ok but she is acting bitter toward me and I haven't done anything remotly close to make her act this way. An example is when we made plans to hang out Saturday she asked if I wanted to just hang out with just her or hang out with some other people as well. I said what do you want to do?, she replied with "don't turn this around on me" This is only one example but I feel like when talking to her I am walking on eggshells and its as if she doesn't care about the relationship as if I told her we are done she could care less. Another example is I have some hair on my chest and stomach, Im not a gorilla but there is some. When she rubbed her hand over it she was turned off then the next time we were together she said me and my friends were talking about chests with hair and we all agreed a shaved chest is better and more attractive. I know this may seem petty but it seems like any little thing that is wrong with me she points out. I have been nothing but super nice to this girl and treated her the way a girl should be treated. I have even talked about when we are going to have a long distance relationship she said she is ok with it. Which seems cool but she said she will only respond when I call her or email her she said she is not one to intiate these type of things. But she said she will respond when I do. I honestly don't know what I should do as far as staying with her. What do you guys think?
Lovegod Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 An example is when we made plans to hang out Saturday she asked if I wanted to just hang out with just her or hang out with some other people as well. I said what do you want to do?, she replied with "don't turn this around on me" Women like it when men take the lead and make the decisions. This is what you need to do. You will almost NEVER get a preference when asking a woman what they want. YOU need to make the decisions because they won't. Another example is I have some hair on my chest and stomach, Im not a gorilla but there is some. When she rubbed her hand over it she was turned off then the next time we were together she said me and my friends were talking about chests with hair and we all agreed a shaved chest is better and more attractive. Well, maybe you should shave your chest. However, set a condition... Let her know that you prefer a shaved vagina as opposed to that velcro she's got down there. Don't let this woman step all over you. If you do, she'll be bossing you around all the time. Stand up to her. I have been nothing but super nice to this girl and treated her the way a girl should be treated. Women should NOT be treated nice solely because they're female and have vaginas. They should be treated accordingly. If she treats you like sh.t, there is no reason for you to be nice to her. Let her know that her behavior is unacceptable. Too many men on this site bend over and let women shove their attitude up his ass. Then they turn around, buy her flowers, and say "thank you dear for giving me an ultimatum enema." Unless you put your foot down, you're going to get treated like garbage.
bbf Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Ask yourself this. Why would you stay with her? Don't you want someone you can be comfortable around, someone who treats you well and respects you, someone actually makes you feel like she likes you? I promise you that you can do better. Listen, I've been in your position before. I know it doesn't feel natural, you're probably the type of person who avoids conflict like a plague. But you need to have boundaries. You need to tell people off when they treat you badly and if they don't stop, you need to walk away. People tend to treat you how you expect to be treated, and if they don't you can always find someone else that will.
Template Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 What you have to do is ask yourself this? What do YOU want out of this relationship? You are just beginning, and already you clearly have some frustrations and it's clearly affecting your mental well being. If you cannot be absolutely yourself around this person, than you don't need her. You need to have someone with you that will allow you to grow into the type of person you need to be, not compromise yourself to try and ensure her happiness. Let me ask you this, and really think about it. Are you a nice person, or are you being nice? If you can answer in less than a couple mins, you are lying to yourself. TRULY nice people don't state that they are being nice. You are being nice to her because you want something. Her love, affections, acceptance, vajayjay, etc. You want a reward for being nice, and since you aren't getting anything in return, I can already feel resentment in your statements. There is clearly an unhealthy balance in this relationship, and while I'm not saying you should break up, you really should sit down and evaluate what you want out of this. A relationship works only if each partner is willing to give equally as the next, and clearly you've already given more than you recieved. Just think about it.
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