Dexter Morgan Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Hard to say...I think you have to look at everything a person has been and has meant to you throughout the years. Some on here are so all-or-nothing in their views it wouldn't matter if the WS was voted wife of the year 30 out of 31 years and gave the guy a kidney...there'd still be no redemption. oh I dunno....if she gave him a kidney, that would have to give her some points and be worth something:rolleyes:
confusedinkansas Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Glad you came by? For all this "objective" advice and opinion? 31 years is a long time to be with somebody...do you think her goodness through the years counter-balances this betrayal? Worth thinking about. EXACTLY! BS' automatically think you should LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. I've been married almost as long as you have & you most definitely have a lot of things to consider. In your questioning her.....(you are obviously church goers) I was just watching a show yesterday morning Beth Moore was talking with a room of women & she said "There are things in our lives that only GOD needs to know & can handle" She did not say you shouldn't tell things like this - but omitting some of the "nastier" details - because we are human & there's only so much we can endure. There is a thing called TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Be careful how much you're asking since so many years have passed. (I personally would not be able to remember details that long ago, she may not be able to remember them either) She did however say that, "If you find these things out - that may be too much for you to bare, then God will help you to deal with them" Think about your marriage in the last 20 years - How have things been? Only you truly know your wife. I am a WS & I do not believe in "Once A Cheater" philosophy as many here do. I think marriages can be repaired after something like this happens.
schewter Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 <<I agree that for many here cheating is a deal-breaker regardless of past history. Interesting that many that feel that way are those that have been married to a WS. Maybe they've learned a lesson only experience can teach... Mr. Lucky>> I'm a BS...I just see more grey in the world than black and white.We're all wired differently and what's right for some may not neccessarily be right for others. I didn't suggest this gentleman not be angry with his wife...nor did I suggest he forgive her and let the past be the past...I just said 31 years of marriage was worth considering when sorting one's feelings and weighing one's options. I agree that for many here cheating is a deal-breaker regardless of past history. Interesting that many that feel that way are those that have been married to a WS. Maybe they've learned a lesson only experience can teach... Mr. Lucky
Snowflower Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 <<I agree that for many here cheating is a deal-breaker regardless of past history. Interesting that many that feel that way are those that have been married to a WS. Maybe they've learned a lesson only experience can teach... Mr. Lucky>> I'm a BS...I just see more grey in the world than black and white.We're all wired differently and what's right for some may not neccessarily be right for others. I didn't suggest this gentleman not be angry with his wife...nor did I suggest he forgive her and let the past be the past...I just said 31 years of marriage was worth considering when sorting one's feelings and weighing one's options. I am also a BS married (obviously) to fWS and I also see more gray in my world than black and white. Trust me, my husband's infidelity taught me some harsh lessons which are gained only by this awful experience...but even through that ordeal, I still see differences in cheating scenarios...none of them are right but none are black and white either. In this case though, a veritable lifetime has passed since the OPs wife cheated on him...20 years...that is longer than many marriages last even if there was no cheating. And heck, even my marriage hasn't reached the 20 year mark yet. People change over that period of time and no matter what, the OP cannot go back and change the past. Deal with the present and go from there rather than wishing for what could have happened 20 years ago. I'm not advocating the OP 'forget' what happened 20 years ago but honestly, the 'coulda, woulda, shoulda' is pointless after all this time. Deal with the reality of the marriage now and how it has been for the 31 years you have been together.
metalsman Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 "oh I dunno....if she gave him a kidney, that would have to give her some points and be worth something:rolleyes: " I reckon this might be good for her to give up and prove her validation for him...then he ought to cook it in front of her and eat it!!
hey_beautiful Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Cheating is such a disrespect no matter which way you look at it. However, it has been a significant amount of time since it actually occurred. While it would not diminish the feelings of hurt, betrayal, and the feeling that quite possibly there was more that was hidden, I'd say that would be the worst part of it all. The act was not appropriate at all, but it happened 20 years ago. I doubt you feel the rage that some people feel when they just found out about their wife having an affair last night. You obviously don't feel very secure, though...which is understandable. I think you need to sit and have a talk with your wife. You need to be clear on how you feel. Ask if she ever had an affair with anyone else, and ask her why it took so long. Then ask her if she feels you should stay and ask why. You know your wife better than anyone else does, I think you can accurately gauge whether or not she is pulling your chain. The cat is out of the bag, it's not like she has the capability of hiding it. Also consider your wifes behavior when she told you this. Were you fighting and then it slipped out? Or maybe she came to you because it was eating her up. Take those things into consideration. You have been together 31 years, and this happened 20 years ago -- that matters. That is not typical in these situations, so unlike people who have been together 6 months, you have some serious, serious history. In every case you can't just walk out the door and give up. If she is not a douchebag about it, if you trust her honesty on other issues, and if your marriage has generally been good -- I see how this is a bump in the road and it's hurtful, but I don't think being unfaithful in your younger days should mean that your marriage, 20 years later, should be ended.
JamesM Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I agree with hey_beautiful. You have history with your wife. Simply kicking her out will not solve anything. And despite what has been said, the past twenty years have not been a lie. Many of those who say to kick her out have been betrayed but have not been in a long term marriage. You are experiencing anger, hurt and sadness. This is normal but not the basis for an immediate decision. You DO need to sit down with her and perhaps a counselor to get the full story. I do think details matter if you are to resolve this in your mind. She may have very well been emotionally connected to him. She may have had more than just a physical relationship with him (and it is quite likely), but you should know as much as possible because the less questions that remain will mean the better chance you can move on. Having questions and wondering what really happened will simply cause you to reopen the wound when something comes up that reminds you of it. Did the sermon make her want to come clean or was the sermon an excuse? My guess is that this has been on her mind for awhile. Perhaps she has reason to believe that somehow it would come out. Perhaps she feels that as she gets older it needs to be resolved one way or another. Who knows. What matters is...the future. What do you want? Do you believe this can be overcome? As of today, you undoubtedly are confused on which direction to go. I am guessing that you have children and perhaps grandchildren. This will enter your decision. What of your wife...does she want to truly resolve this, or is this her way of exiting a marriage she emotionally exited years ago. Did this guy come back into her life recently? If this is to be resolved, then complete openness and honestly on her part are very important. How does she feel inside? Does she think that you will hang with her because of the affair being so far in the past? Do YOU feel that you are stuck because of the length of your marriage and the age of the two of you...or perhaps because of the children? After being married myself almost twenty years, I understand the many decisions and confusion you feel. It is not so easy simply to say that ending it is the answer. Yet so much anger and hurt inside pushes you to do that. Perhaps a separation will help. This will get you alone and give you some control over your future. It will let you know that you can leave the marriage. And while separated, you can decide if she is important enough to you to move forward together.
boldjack Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Kansas, therein lies the problem. This OP believed he knew his wife, and now finds out that he really didn't know her at all. OP, you need to tell her that you want ALL of the details, and if she hedges on anything , she is gone. After all, you are only hearing , what she wants to tell . You don't KNOW anything. You don't even know if this is her only affair. Right now, you can"t believe anything she says. If you want to take a chance and stay with her, good luck. I could never live with a cheater.
freestyle Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 You can't be expected to forgive............ .........until you know exactly what it is you're forgiving.
Samantha0905 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Glad you came by? For all this "objective" advice and opinion? 31 years is a long time to be with somebody...do you think her goodness through the years counter-balances this betrayal? Worth thinking about. Yes it is. A long time. Make a list if it helps you OP. What has been good about your marriage? What are positives your wife has contributed? Did she give birth to and raise your children? Has she provided you with any happiness at all in your life? I don't buy into the thought process an affair makes the entirety of your marriage a lie. That's BS -- and I don't mean betrayed spouse there. Sure you have every reason to be angry. Go to marriage counseling and sort out what was going on at the time. Hell, I don't know if I could remember back 20 years to give much detail. It could even be the problem that existed then is no longer a part of your marriage period. It could have been something she was going through at the time. I am in no way saying what she did was justified. It was WRONG. If you're churchgoers, you know we all fall short of the glory of God. Does it mean we shouldn't pay consequences for our actions? No. I'm sure your wife has if she is to the point of wanting to tell you after 20 years. She's been holding on to that a while. I'm surprised she has chosen to tell you after all this time. I'm not so sure about the explanation a sermon motivated her to tell you. It could be, but you really should seek counseling to make sure there isn't something more there. Do you love her? Do you love the two of you together? You are entirely different people now than you were 20 years ago. Go to counseling and see if it's something you can work through with her. <<Would your advice be the same if the cheating was recent rather than long ago? She's really deceived him twice - once when she cheated and a second time when she witheld the truth for the next 20 years. He doesn't have the same options he might have had two decades ago...>> Hard to say...I think you have to look at everything a person has been and has meant to you throughout the years. Some on here are so all-or-nothing in their views it wouldn't matter if the WS was voted wife of the year 30 out of 31 years and gave the guy a kidney...there'd still be no redemption. Yes, it does seem some think a betrayal of trust is IT and the marriage should be over. I think people screw up sometimes. People we love. It doesn't mean we have to end a life together with them in all cases. Forgiveness can be a wonderful thing. EXACTLY! BS' automatically think you should LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. I've been married almost as long as you have & you most definitely have a lot of things to consider. In your questioning her.....(you are obviously church goers) I was just watching a show yesterday morning Beth Moore was talking with a room of women & she said "There are things in our lives that only GOD needs to know & can handle" She did not say you shouldn't tell things like this - but omitting some of the "nastier" details - because we are human & there's only so much we can endure. There is a thing called TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Be careful how much you're asking since so many years have passed. (I personally would not be able to remember details that long ago, she may not be able to remember them either) She did however say that, "If you find these things out - that may be too much for you to bare, then God will help you to deal with them" Think about your marriage in the last 20 years - How have things been? Only you truly know your wife. I am a WS & I do not believe in "Once A Cheater" philosophy as many here do. I think marriages can be repaired after something like this happens. I agree with you and have also been a WS. I don't think once a cheater always a cheater. I believe in the healing power of the Lord. I am also a BS married (obviously) to fWS and I also see more gray in my world than black and white. Trust me, my husband's infidelity taught me some harsh lessons which are gained only by this awful experience...but even through that ordeal, I still see differences in cheating scenarios...none of them are right but none are black and white either. In this case though, a veritable lifetime has passed since the OPs wife cheated on him...20 years...that is longer than many marriages last even if there was no cheating. And heck, even my marriage hasn't reached the 20 year mark yet. People change over that period of time and no matter what, the OP cannot go back and change the past. Deal with the present and go from there rather than wishing for what could have happened 20 years ago. I'm not advocating the OP 'forget' what happened 20 years ago but honestly, the 'coulda, woulda, shoulda' is pointless after all this time. Deal with the reality of the marriage now and how it has been for the 31 years you have been together. Agreed. I've been with my husband 28 years (married) and 33 if you count dating. We are different people now than we were then. There's nothing that can be done about past mistakes other than learning from them. All situations are different as they involve unique individuals so there is no "set in stone" best way to handle them. I honestly think it's a selfish and prideful response by those who immediately say leave her, dump her, she will always cheat, etc. I also think it's rooted in anger issues. The issues may be understandable, but eventually they need to be let go. Remember, seventy-seven times......... Forgiveness is a state of the heart and can only be achieved with God's help. Here's something interesting I found in a bible study: Faith is an essential part of forgiveness. We must first believe that it is possible to forgive someone, no matter what the circumstances. Many times I have said to myself, “I just can’t forgive.” “I am too hurt.” In essence what I am saying is that I don’t believe that God can change my heart so that I can forgive. Cheating is such a disrespect no matter which way you look at it. However, it has been a significant amount of time since it actually occurred. While it would not diminish the feelings of hurt, betrayal, and the feeling that quite possibly there was more that was hidden, I'd say that would be the worst part of it all. The act was not appropriate at all, but it happened 20 years ago. I doubt you feel the rage that some people feel when they just found out about their wife having an affair last night. You obviously don't feel very secure, though...which is understandable. I think you need to sit and have a talk with your wife. You need to be clear on how you feel. Ask if she ever had an affair with anyone else, and ask her why it took so long. Then ask her if she feels you should stay and ask why. You know your wife better than anyone else does, I think you can accurately gauge whether or not she is pulling your chain. The cat is out of the bag, it's not like she has the capability of hiding it. Also consider your wifes behavior when she told you this. Were you fighting and then it slipped out? Or maybe she came to you because it was eating her up. Take those things into consideration. You have been together 31 years, and this happened 20 years ago -- that matters. That is not typical in these situations, so unlike people who have been together 6 months, you have some serious, serious history. In every case you can't just walk out the door and give up. If she is not a douchebag about it, if you trust her honesty on other issues, and if your marriage has generally been good -- I see how this is a bump in the road and it's hurtful, but I don't think being unfaithful in your younger days should mean that your marriage, 20 years later, should be ended. I agree. Kansas, therein lies the problem. This OP believed he knew his wife, and now finds out that he really didn't know her at all. OP, you need to tell her that you want ALL of the details, and if she hedges on anything , she is gone. After all, you are only hearing , what she wants to tell . You don't KNOW anything. You don't even know if this is her only affair. Right now, you can"t believe anything she says. If you want to take a chance and stay with her, good luck. I could never live with a cheater. Could you live with a lustful person? A sloth? A greedy person? A glutton? A wrathful person? An envious person? A prideful person? No offense, but how do you live with yourself? LOL I'm looking at that list thinking I've been guilty of each of those things -- I'm sure more than once in life. We're not perfect. We do all have the right not to forgive, but I think that must be a sad place to be in life. In any event, back to the OP -- that's a whole lot of history. I'm not saying you can't both forgive and move on from your marriage, but there's so much history there. Do you love her? Do you want to work on your marriage? I think a marriage is at least worth attending counseling to seek some answers.
boldjack Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Forgiveness only has value if you know what you are forgiving, and if the cheater is truly repentant, and both of these things cannot be done until the OP knows about ALL. We are just assuming that his wife only had one affair, 20 years ago, what if there were more, that he hasn't been told about yet? Trust, once broken , can never truly be repaired. In the OP's wife's case, how will she be able to prove her love and respect for her H, when she has just told him that she didn't do either in the past, and is continuing to disrespect him and lie to him, by evading his questions? Sam , what is it about integrity that you can't seem to grasp? I am guilty of ALL KINDS OF SINS, the difference between me and you is that I am perfectly willing to address my sins, and honestly confess my guilt to those I have sinned against. You call on the Lord to forgive you, but as the Bible says: " Rise and sin no more", which you haven't done. As long as you don't confess to your H, YOU ARE CONTINUING TO SIN AGAINST HIM AND GOD. Only honest repentance can set you free.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I agree that for many here cheating is a deal-breaker regardless of past history. Interesting that many that feel that way are those that have been married to a WS. Maybe they've learned a lesson only experience can teach... By George, I think someone has finally gotten it!!!
Dexter Morgan Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 "oh I dunno....if she gave him a kidney, that would have to give her some points and be worth something:rolleyes: " I reckon this might be good for her to give up and prove her validation for him...then he ought to cook it in front of her and eat it!! :lmao: LOL. Certainly wouldn't put it in my body...you don't know where its been:cool:
schewter Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 <<We are just assuming that his wife only had one affair, 20 years ago, what if there were more, that he hasn't been told about yet?>> What if this? What if that? That is the real language of assumption. Here's a thought, perhaps she's actually being honest.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I agree with hey_beautiful. You have history with your wife. Simply kicking her out will not solve anything. And despite what has been said, the past twenty years have not been a lie. Many of those who say to kick her out have been betrayed but have not been in a long term marriage. Oh, I would tend to agree since it was 20 years ago. Cuz afterall....whats he gonna do now being single after all these years with her? but now the problem is, she has proven herself untrustworthy and no matter how long ago it was, she has exiled him to a life of envisioning her cheating in his head. some life. I guess the good thing is, now he can realize she played him for a fool. And she DID rob him of his younger years and the respect of the truth. He now can change his attitude. If he decides to trust her again, he can do so......but not blindly. He shouldn't take anything she says any longer at face value. He should now, if he so chooses, carry on with his marriage with caution and a wee bit of skepticism. and 20 years ago or not, she needs to be an open book. NOTHING shall be a secret......she kept one for 20 years, I think her entitlement to a secret has run its course. So sure, he shouldn't just up and leave(although I wouldn't be able to look at her face on a daily basis....20 years ago or not)....but he should now man up and realize, she is more than capable of cheating and playing him for a fool. And she needs to do WHATEVER it takes to make this up to him without getting impatient if he is unable to just "get over it".
Dexter Morgan Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Perhaps a separation will help. This will get you alone and give you some control over your future. It will let you know that you can leave the marriage. And while separated, you can decide if she is important enough to you to move forward together. and who knows...maybe during that separation, he will meet a wonderful woman.
Samantha0905 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Forgiveness only has value if you know what you are forgiving, and if the cheater is truly repentant, and both of these things cannot be done until the OP knows about ALL. We are just assuming that his wife only had one affair, 20 years ago, what if there were more, that he hasn't been told about yet? What if there weren't and she's told him the truth? Trust, once broken , can never truly be repaired. I don't believe that at all. In the OP's wife's case, how will she be able to prove her love and respect for her H, when she has just told him that she didn't do either in the past, and is continuing to disrespect him and lie to him, by evading his questions? She obviously was not demonstrating love and respect to her husband while having the affair. That we can agree on. It doesn't mean she did not love her husband, however, even during the affair. I can't see where she is continuing to disrespect and lie to him. Heck, she's done what you keep screaming from the rooftops -- she's told him. She may actually NOT remember all the details about an affair from 20 years ago. Heck, I doubt she was keeping a running tally of exactly how many times she had sex with the man. I'd be good to remember his name after 20 years. That's quite a while. Sam , what is it about integrity that you can't seem to grasp? I am guilty of ALL KINDS OF SINS, the difference between me and you is that I am perfectly willing to address my sins, and honestly confess my guilt to those I have sinned against. You call on the Lord to forgive you, but as the Bible says: " Rise and sin no more", which you haven't done. As long as you don't confess to your H, YOU ARE CONTINUING TO SIN AGAINST HIM AND GOD. Only honest repentance can set you free. Wow -- you know all of sorts of stuff about me. Glad you're so clean and always so very honest. LOL I told you as plain as day I know I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. And well -- at the risk of sounding redundant -- I don't think it's best to tell of the affair in every case. I'm not so sure the OP's wife should have told at this point or what her motivations behind doing so were, unless she was consumed with guilt. In any event, it's their relationship and she did tell. He will have to want to forgive her and ask for God's help in order to do so completely. I would certainly not be in any rush to put a complete end to such a long term relationship. And not that it has anything to do with the OP's thread, but I'm not continuing to sin against God because He forgave me.
confusedinkansas Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 but now the problem is, she has proven herself untrustworthy and no matter how long ago it was, she has exiled him to a life of envisioning her cheating in his head. some life. ". How dramatic of you. Not everyone looks at affairs the way you do Dex. Perhaps the OP is a man that can forgive. There are people out there in this world that can do that you know. It is possible. I've seen it happen - in more cases than one. Not many people in this day and age are married as long as he has been. Just giving up now, in my opinion, could cause way more damage than good to both parties involved.
JamesM Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 How dramatic of you. Not everyone looks at affairs the way you do Dex. Perhaps the OP is a man that can forgive. There are people out there in this world that can do that you know. It is possible. I've seen it happen - in more cases than one. Not many people in this day and age are married as long as he has been. Just giving up now, in my opinion, could cause way more damage than good to both parties involved. Well said.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 How dramatic of you. Not everyone looks at affairs the way you do Dex. Perhaps the OP is a man that can forgive. not saying he can't forgive....but just because you forgive doesn't mean you forget, and if you think anyone just forgets something like this.....you are fooling yourself. Forgiveness or not, he WILL have it pop into his head from time to time, once in a blue moon. There are people out there in this world that can do that you know. It is possible. I've seen it happen - in more cases than one. again, you are confusing forgiving with forgetting. I talk about him having a memory, and you bring up forgiving. 2 different things. Not many people in this day and age are married as long as he has been. Just giving up now, in my opinion, could cause way more damage than good to both parties involved. I agree....after all these years...what would he do? all those years have passed...his young years. starting over now would be silly. maybe thats why she waited so long to tell him....to steal his best years from him.
boldjack Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Sam, One more time...If you are continuing to lie to your husband, by not telling him of the affair, then you are sinning against him, and if you sin against the least of my children, then you are sinning against me. Maybe you should actually read the Blble. This OP has NOT been told the whole truth. Maybe he CAN forgive, but he can do nothing, until his wife comes clean about all of her extra-marital shenanigans. You simply cannot solve a problem, unless you know what the problem is. Anymore than you can cure an illness without knowing which illness to cure. If his wife is not forthcoming, what choice is she giving him? As far as whether or not this is the only affair, only his wife knows, and she is not telling. therein lies the problem.
Samantha0905 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 not saying he can't forgive....but just because you forgive doesn't mean you forget, and if you think anyone just forgets something like this.....you are fooling yourself. Forgiving doesn't mean a person will literally forget, but it does imply forgiveness and your "stealing his best years from him" remark is cynical and just not true. I'm sure they've shared some good years and, should he forgive her and continue the marriage, will share quite a few more. In any event, Charles Swindoll has written a lot of good things on the subject matter. Here's something he said about it: It isn't enough simply to say, "Well, okay—you're forgiven, but don't expect me to release you!" That means we have constructed a monument of spite in our mind, which isn’t forgiveness at all. Now, before I go on, let me say this. I don't mean to imply that you forget what happened, or that you are able to erase the incident from your memory, or that you don't hold someone responsible for abusive or criminal behavior or financial debts. We live in reality here. It's impossible for victims of rape to remove the unspeakable crime from their memory. Memories of child abuse cannot be wisped away like leaves falling from a tree. Scars, both physically and emotionally, are lasting pictures of a terrible pain. What I do mean is that we release people from the guilt and no longer hold the offense over their heads. When we choose to "cancel the debt," we unshackle people from the dark emotions lurking in our hearts that say, "Never. Never let this go." In fact, for those who have experienced life-altering offenses, choosing to forgive and release people can be an ongoing process. When Peter asked Jesus, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:21-22). Servants must be broad-shouldered people—big enough to go on, big enough to remember the right and forgive the wrong by releasing the offender of any guilt, pain, or grudges.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I think what James said is good....maybe they need a separation. and like I said, during that separation, maybe he'll meet a wonderful woman. I wonder what the wife would do if OP went out and had an affair after the discovery of her infidelities? No, not advocating it, not condoning it...certainly wouldn't do it...just wondering...if he did...what would she do?
Dexter Morgan Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) Forgiving doesn't mean a person will literally forget, but it does imply forgiveness and your "stealing his best years from him" remark is cynical and just not true. it is true. he thought he knew his wife all those years. and if he is the type of guy that would have divorced her if he found out years ago, then yes, she DID steal years from him. of course you don't want to believe that...because you are doing it to your husband. It happened to me and yes, I felt because she didn't have the guts to come clean early that I wasted 8 years of my life that I'll never get back. If he forgives her, although he may think there is no other choice at this stage in life but to forgive, then thats his choice. I'm sure they've shared some good years and, should he forgive her and continue the marriage, will share quite a few more. ya, you are right...she should get a free pass:rolleyes: "What I do mean is that we release people from the guilt and no longer hold the offense over their heads." gee, what a nice sentiment. works for the cheater.....doesn't do much for the betrayed when the memories cause pain. cheater gets off, betrayed gets to carry the scar. so tell us....why haven't you told your husband and given him information about his wife that he DESERVES to know? and don't give us the usual, "I don't want to cause him any pain" bunk...cuz I'm sure you didn't think about causing him pain while you were with another man. Edited November 6, 2009 by Dexter Morgan
boldjack Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 OP, contrary to what many of the posters say, there are honest women out there, who would never cheat or lie about an affair. If, at the end of the day, you can no longer trust her to be a truthful, faithful, wife, maybe you should separate and look for someone else. Regardless of whether it's 1 year or 20, she has not been honest, can you live with a dishonest woman? Only you know the answer to that question.
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