DukeofBama Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I've known my current GF since high school, I'm 29 she is 27. We have only been in a relationship now for 7 months now. Before me she was in a pretty bad relationship with her ex which changed her alittle, so when we started talking I wanted to continue just being friends because I didn't want to become a rebound and hurt our friendship and myself. Everyday she started to call or text me and ask if she could come over and see me. She was the pursure in starting of the relationship. As far as telling me she had strong feelings for me holding my hand and then kissing me. I explained to her and was very honest with her in telling her that I was looking to settle down and that I didn't want a relationship with her if she wasn't looking for comentment. The more we talked the more my defenses droppped, I had always thought she was a very intelligent, beautiful lady that had a personality that just made you attracted to her from the moment you meet her. For 2 months everything was going great then suddenly one day she gives me the "we are moving to fast" which we was and the "I need some time to find myself" speech. I'm a big boy and know this means we are done and so I told her that I would be moving on. Then she say's "no please just be patient with me, I don't want to see other people I just want to find myself I want to keep you." But I just figured it was over, but after that day she continued on as if we were still a couple so it left me very confused. Things went back to normal and after that, the next couple of months she started talking about our future together, marriage, kids,etc.... and I started falling deeply in love with her and wanting the same. She made me feel very loved and extremly happy. But 2 weeks ago she ran into her ex BF and he asked her to go out with lunch with him and talk. Later that night she came over and was honest with me and told me about it. I couldn't understand why she would give him the time of day and was alittle hurt by it. I did tell her that. She said she didn't think it was a big deal ( to me it was) and that she was in love with me and there was nothing to worry about. So a couple of days later she gives me the "need to find myself, be patient, I don't wanna see other people" speech again so I broke it off. Hearing her cry destroyed me and my heart was breaking but I was very tired of the backpedaling and confusion so I set up NC and decided it was best I moved on, even though I felt like my world was crashing in. The following days I was bombarded with text after text with I love you's and please don't let this be the end of us to I'm misserable. On the 3rd day I cracked and told her we could talk. I explained everything I was feeling. She Said she was in love with me and didn't want to lose me. So this week I've just felt very confused. I don't want to end this relationship and I really felt like I needed to now where we stood so 2 days ago I asked her and she said " your not going to want to hear this but I'm just not sure." But then the following day up to today she has looking me dead in the eyes and said "I'm so in love with you" and talking of our future to marriage and kids again. So what is the deal here? I do love her and I do believe she is worth the chance of my heart being broken. But part of me wants to throw dirt in her eyes and spin her around real quick and while she is disoriented run like hell. Is she just scared to break up with me or does she really love me and I should I just show some patience?
BCCA Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 " your not going to want to hear this but I'm just not sure." I feel like she wants her ex back, and is only interested in you when he is clearly out of the picture. If/when he makes contact with her, she back peddles on you and makes herself available for him. Honestly, she should know what she wants, so shes just not telling you. Its probably because if she told you the honest truth, she knows you would bail, but its still pretty selfish of her. I would just calmly tell her that you cant do the revolving door, and she should only contact you if/when shes 100% sure she loves you and wants to make things work with you. Tell her if you hear anything about her needing to clear her head or being unsure again, thats it. You cant let her keep doing this, shes just stringing you along.
Lovegod Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Hearing her cry destroyed me and my heart was breaking After you've seen lots of women cry, you become immune to it. So what is the deal here? There's a few things happening here. First of all, women want what they can't have. Whenever you cut her off, she wants you back. Whenever you take her back, she's not sure. Second, she's not going to take you very seriously if you're constantly letting her back into your life. Make a decision about her and STICK WITH IT. Third, she's a flake. Your best decision is to get rid of her. Breaking up multiple times is NOT what a relationship consists of. Find yourself a woman who is more stable. This chick is NOT good relationship material.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Yeah sounds like she cant make up her mind. and you dont need the damn headache trust me you'll be better off until she makes a final decision. some Women are so damn fickle with their emotions.
JohnP82 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Sounds like she's conflicted and isn't sure about you. Keep dealing with her if you're fine with dating a woman that's not 100% sure about you. But you and I both know you deserve someone that is 100% sure about you.
BCCA Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I think we all know that if someone is really into you, they arent unsure all the time. If they are, chances are high that you are simply filling a void for the time being, but they dont think youre the long term solution. The push/pull is very hard to break free from, because youre unsure if they are into you and affraid, or not into you and leading you on. Naturally, nobody wants to assume theyre being played, so you pateintly wait for them to make up their mind. Problem is, its usually already made, youre just the last one to know.
Tiz Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 This woman is a loser and inconsistent. She's toying with you like a cat to a string. Do not wait for this woman to be 100% sure. This will never happen. Her inconsistency will carry over into a marriage. She loves that you're giving in and taking her back. People get off on others caving in like this. It's sick, but it's reality. You were smart trying to end it the first time when she said you were moving too fast and she needed her space. In women's language this was her telling you her interest level in you is low. You need to see this clearly, and accept it. Bottom line what she is telling you. She doesn't like you enough to stay with you. It's hard to say that and admit that to ourselves, but that is really what she is saying. Women always give you the second and third reason for breaking it off and never the real reason. I'm sorry you didn't stick with the NC. Get out of this one. End it with her for good and no going back. Be strong.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 She is absolutely not 100% into you, and she never will be. Dump her now, before she dumps you, and don't look back.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Also, I find the title of this thread very telling. After all her stupid games and back and forth BS, who cares what she wants? What do YOU want?
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 For real... OP... you kept going back to her and so she knows what to do. She likes the drama. If she was in love with you, she would not be pulling this back and forth, up and down, blah and blah crap. Be real with yourself and accept her for what she is, move on and forget about her.
Author DukeofBama Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Thank you guys for the reply's. Tonight at work I had 10 hours to think things through and pretty much came up with the same conclusion you guy's did. I'm tired emotionally in giveing 100% and not getting the same, as much as the truth hurts, it is time to face the facts and move on with life. I wish people could sometimes see the blessings that God laid out in front of them, but we all know they don't till it passes them by.
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