Tinman034 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I hope someone or a bunch will give me honest opinions on this topic!! Ok- I am a divorced dad, now in a blended family. My son is 11 years old. I have 50/50 shared custody with my ex. I work nights, 7pm-3am. If it is my weekend with my son, we normally are together all day, have dinner and I go to work. He is then with my fiance until i get home and then we start all over again. Is my fiance bound to watch my son, if his mother is available. For example, once my fiance was sick in bed and I advised my ex of her illness. My ex's response was, "everyone is sick, Billy is 11 years old, he can take care of himself, I have soooooo much to do tonight." So his mom didnt want to watch him because she had plans, but is she ultimatley RESPONSIBLE to watch him since I had to work, or is her weekend "HER TIME" like she believes.....I am looking for right and wrong here....please help.....discussion??
Lizzie60 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 When it's YOUR weekend.. then it's YOUR responsibility... if you can't take care of him.. and your fiancé can't ..then you need to hire a babysitter.. simple as that.. it's HER weekend off to rest and do her stuff...
quankanne Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I'll have to agree with that – the court document explicitly states you get him certain hours on certain days, and unless you and your ex-wife have set up some kind of agreement ahead of time for situations like this, the responsibility definitely falls on you. suggestions: 1. Approach your ex to see what kind of emergency illness clause you can invoke – remind her this works both ways, that it's to her benefit as well if she ends up sick and unable to care for herself AND him (like the flu, etc) 2. Find family members who agree to be your back up in a pinch like this, and be prepared to swap favors 3. If he's got friends where you're staying, check with their parents to see if he can spend part of an evening with them, or even invite an older kid to be a kind of mommy-minder but who still can play games or entertain him (a teenage sitter kind of situation) while you/your partner is recouperating from an illness.
fooled once Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I hope someone or a bunch will give me honest opinions on this topic!! Ok- I am a divorced dad, now in a blended family. My son is 11 years old. I have 50/50 shared custody with my ex. I work nights, 7pm-3am. If it is my weekend with my son, we normally are together all day, have dinner and I go to work. He is then with my fiance until i get home and then we start all over again. Is my fiance bound to watch my son, if his mother is available. For example, once my fiance was sick in bed and I advised my ex of her illness. My ex's response was, "everyone is sick, Billy is 11 years old, he can take care of himself, I have soooooo much to do tonight." So his mom didnt want to watch him because she had plans, but is she ultimatley RESPONSIBLE to watch him since I had to work, or is her weekend "HER TIME" like she believes.....I am looking for right and wrong here....please help.....discussion?? If it is YOUR nite, you are responsible for your son on your time. BUT - visitation is a right - there is no rule that says you MUST take your visitation/parenting time. But if you have your son at your home, your ex is right, it is your responsibility to find someone to watch him. She would get 'first right of refusal'... meaning you can ask her if she wants him and if she doesn't (and she doesn't have to take him) then it is up to you to find someone. But at 11, as long as your fiance is home, how much does he really need to be 'watched'?
silverfish Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 If you have 50/50 custody then it's your responsibility to cover childcare when he's with you. Don't assume that your wife isn't doing anything, as I'm sure she has to work etc as well. If you can't get any childcare do what the rest of us have to and call in sick to take care of him yourself
Boundary Problem Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 IIs my fiance bound to watch my son, if his mother is available. So his mom didnt want to watch him because she had plans, but is she ultimatley RESPONSIBLE to watch him since I had to work, or is her weekend "HER TIME" like she believes.....I am looking for right and wrong here....please help.....discussion?? Basically on your weekends, here is the priority list for care - and you just go down the list as you cross off the various options: 1. You caring for him; 2. Ask child (once he is 12 - he is entitled to an opinion) 3. Fiance if she wants, or mom if she wants 4. Babysitter that you pay for because it is YOUR weekend. Bottom line, on YOUR weekend he is YOUR responsibility. If either of the two women decline (for any reason), reach for your wallet and cheerfully get a babysitter. Your fiance isn't really even part of this. But if it is only for a couple hours, your child might prefer to stay at your place even with you at work if he is settled in and he doesn't want the hassle of traveling to moms for a couple hours. As a courtesy, it is nice to ask mom if she wants the child, because a preference of many co-parents is they would rather do the "babysitting" for the other parent, than hiring a stranger. In this case mom was busy - which is fine. Fiance was busy. That left you with babysitter as the best option. No big deal.
wife Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 (edited) Wow Tinman! Just read your post without reading replies yet. I'm sorry if I sound so harsh towards your ex but umm... She devoted her life to caring for, protecting, nurtering, ect another human being no matter what when she gave birth to your kiddo! She needs to get her bottom out of that tub and take care of her son! That situation gave me the impression of a very selfish woman putting her own needs before her 11 year old boy's to be supervised. If I were you, I'd document it, get that in writing somehow, just in case you"ll need it later if custody issues should arise to support your case. I'm sorry your fiance was sick. And Im sorry for being so rude about your ex's response to you. Editing here after reading some responses. I agree (half heartedly) with the others on the legal aspect. But I also feel that when we divorce, and the court gives us these "responsibility times. ie custody time visitation" we need to remember we are always responsible for our kids no matter where they are, who has them, or what the situation is. Divorcing, in my own belief, doesn't allow us to walk away and be freed from the responsibility of our own offspring at any court ordered time. It's like saying, "I'm a part time parent". Okay I could go on and on here. But I disagree with your ex if she had to work...but if she had the free time at home, she should take her son in a heartbeat and not play the "it's not my time with him" role. It's like saying, "He's not MY responsibility today. even though I BORE him into this world" BUT...Legally, yeah when you have him you should be "responsible" for seeking childcare of your pre-teen. And what a good dad you are for asking the mom herself! Edited November 19, 2009 by wife
silverfish Posted November 19, 2009 Posted November 19, 2009 Wow Tinman! Just read your post without reading replies yet. I'm sorry if I sound so harsh towards your ex but umm... She devoted her life to caring for, protecting, nurtering, ect another human being no matter what when she gave birth to your kiddo! She needs to get her bottom out of that tub and take care of her son! That situation gave me the impression of a very selfish woman putting her own needs before her 11 year old boy's to be supervised. If I were you, I'd document it, get that in writing somehow, just in case you"ll need it later if custody issues should arise to support your case. I'm sorry your fiance was sick. And Im sorry for being so rude about your ex's response to you. Editing here after reading some responses. I agree (half heartedly) with the others on the legal aspect. But I also feel that when we divorce, and the court gives us these "responsibility times. ie custody time visitation" we need to remember we are always responsible for our kids no matter where they are, who has them, or what the situation is. Divorcing, in my own belief, doesn't allow us to walk away and be freed from the responsibility of our own offspring at any court ordered time. It's like saying, "I'm a part time parent". Okay I could go on and on here. But I disagree with your ex if she had to work...but if she had the free time at home, she should take her son in a heartbeat and not play the "it's not my time with him" role. It's like saying, "He's not MY responsibility today. even though I BORE him into this world" BUT...Legally, yeah when you have him you should be "responsible" for seeking childcare of your pre-teen. And what a good dad you are for asking the mom herself! This may all be true but why should his fiancees health affect his ex W's life? Fair enough if it was their child. he should just take the day off himself and stop expecting the women in his life to cover him
wife Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 This may all be true but why should his fiancees health affect his ex W's life? Fair enough if it was their child. he should just take the day off himself and stop expecting the women in his life to cover him that is true. equal parental responsibility. Of corse these days there's no telling if you're going to get laid off or not so going to work is probably a good idea. I'm not sure if I saw the OP say the ex had to work too. Still not sure how the ex's wife's life could possibly be effected if the son is part of her life. What could possibly be more important than him (besides working to provide for him)?
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