LostLozz Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Okay so I will try and stick to a very brief overview of my sad story. I thought I was in a relationship with a wonderful man that loved me deeply. Turns out he is a commitment Phobic and that he pushed me away to the ends of the earth. Obviously I chased in order to fulfil my role, and this just made it ten times worse....so almost three months ago I forced him to end the 18 month relationship so that he could sort his head out. I didn't want to end it and sure as ever, his role stuck to non commital! He could not commit to staying in the relationship and could not commit to leaving until I forced him to. So I tried NC. I intially deleted him as a friend on FB, only before adding him again. I slept with him even though it really didn't change a thing and even went on a date with him at the beginning of October. In other words he kept me hanging. He always knew that I would be waiting for him to sort his head out and come running back to me. This clearly has not happened and it really doesn't look likely either. On the 21st of October I called him after a short period of NC and asked him outright.."Can you see us ever getting back together?"...I got the great answer of "I can't say yes and I can't say no"...I askeed him if he wanted me to move on and I got..."I do and I don't".....so people please tell me this....what on earth can possibly be going through his mind???? This was a pleasant enough conversation and I ended it by saying that I was letting go and he said ok. I told him that he would have to leave me alone now and he also said ok. The conversation ended by me saying "I love you" and he said it back. That night was like the first day we broke up. The pain was immense and I knew that I had been wasting 2 months of healing time. I kept me hanging like his little contingency plan only to put me back to the beginning. So...I struggled over the following 3 days going NC but I was adament that I would not cave in. Then at work he made a crappy excuse to enter a part of the building that he didn't need to be in, all so he could pop up yet again! He must have seen my face. I was so angry and I panicked, desperately trying to escape that room and him now in it. I was fumming that he was not allowing me to move on because, yet again there he was! Maybe he twigged on to this because he left moments after. I then saw him again and he just stared at me. I did the same back and displayed pretty much hatred on my face. I hated how he made me feel and he looked so calm and relaxed. He waved goodbye to me and I nodded in response. I felt sick in the pit of my stomach. Even when we had fights or rows in the past, I never blanked him!...then about 2 hours later I received a text from him to let me know that the motorway was closed and thought he'd let me know. (This was obviously him trying to show that he cares in someway and that he didn't want me getting caught in traffic..I don't really know??)...I replied about an hour later, fighting the urge to stay NC. I said a basic and simple "Thanks". So since then I had not seen or heard from him. That was on the 24th October. Then today, 10 days later whilst working, I went to the cafe for lunch and he was already there. He sat a few tables up from me and had his back to me. I sat down with my colleagues and also had my back to him. When he was leaving with his colleagues, everyone said hi and bye to each other as they passed my table. I didn't look up. I didn't say a thing and he carried on walking right out of the cafe. I blanked him again and I hate this. I know I need to be self protective but I hate the fact that I can't speak to him. I just need my space so that I can get over him totally. Can someone tell me if I am doing the right thing and whether he would be bothered at all??? I felt dreadful for most of the day after that. I miss him and I want him to be happy but I feel I don't know him anymore and it hurts. Please help me cope with this crap!!!
TaraMaiden Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I think you're doing might fine, missy, I really do. I'll get in before anyone else can, because several members are carrying the link in my signature, in their signatures too...! Read the Caliguy no contact guide. And know that he too, works in the same company, same building as his ex.... Short of setting up a trapeze and swinging from it naked, covered in glitter sparkle - she did all kinds of things to get his attention..... You'll be fine. But don't respond to anything, at all. no reaction, no reply, no retort, nuthin'....... Good luck!
LostInLA Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Wouldn't you rather have a guy who would go to the ends of the earth to be with you? Just sayin..
sugahoney Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I am going through the same thing you are, he works on the same floor as me and I have been trying to go NC for the longest time and let me tell you it is not the easiest thing to do. Continue with NC do not give him the satisfaction of seeing you crumble, Ignore his lame attempts at staying in your life and try to move on as hard as it will be you must try. A wise person told me that my ex is where he wants to be; if he wanted to be with you he would be. Dont worry about if he would be bothered or not just worry about yourself and you moving on, just pretend that he doesnt affect you. I know at some point you will miss him,(right now I miss mine, I am off from work today and I refuse to email him) and that is normal, just try not to focus on it too much and you will be fine.
Author LostLozz Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Thanks guys. I know that I am doing the right thing and that it really is the only way that I can move on. I hate that I have to literaly have to cut him out of my life in order to move forward. This is the hardest thing as he turned into my best friend. It is true, that it does get easier the longer it goes on. I think I am now roughly two weeks of NC and I can honestly say that I will not be contacting him. I see no point to it whatsoever. There is a possiblity that I could bump into him this evening whilst at work, but if I do, then I plan to be civil and polite. Nothing less, nothing more. I have also made a huge milestone...I have deactivated my FB account. Maybe one day I will rejoin the social networking site, but for now I think it best to just disappear until I have a new special person in my life.
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