dt311unity Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I have been dating a woman for a few months now. We had a talk the other night about life goals and things we want to accomplish. I am 25 yrs old and she is 21 yrs old. She doesn't really have any goals except that she wants to have kids eventually. Right now she lives at home, isn't going to school, and currently works at a fast food place. I like her as a person, she is really great. She is kind, fun, interesting, funny, and overall a great person. I am having a hard time though with the fact that she isn't really doing anything with her life right now. She doesn't seem to be trying to find a better career or go to school. She doesn't really know what she wants. I think it's bothering me because I am getting to that point where I want to start to settle down and I like her a lot, but I just don't see it working if she doesn't have any goals or ambitions with her life. Am I being stupid by passing up a good person just because of their career choices and ambitions? Or is it just not going to work because we are both at different stages in life?
TaraMaiden Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 When you start a relationship with someone, you seek similarities. You seek points of connnection and things in common. This is a big issue, which will only get bigger. This is not to say there is anything wrong with what she wants to do. It sounds like she may be a maternal homebody... and she's just working to earn a bit of cash. Alternatively, she may be bone-lazy and expect a guy to support her. (I can't tell from here, it's a bit far.....) But you can probably tell better.... In any case, if that is not how you envision your partner - because you want someone with a bit of dynamism, a bit of chutzpah, a bit of pazzazz and 'get up and go'....(as opposed to got up an' went!) then she's not the lady for you. Because in time, you'll resent having to support her, or wish more for her, and resent that all she wants to do is raise kids...... No, I think you have to find a more like-minded partner, in order to be comfortable with what you want, and what they want for themselves.
darkgold Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Some people take longer than others to find out what they really want in life. 21 year olds generally still have a long way to go-although you may have found your path be more considerate-she might not have found hers just yet. Perhaps you could help but it won't be easy. Perhaps you could suggest some careers that might match the good points of her charecteristics and skills. Good luck!
Ody Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Am I being stupid by passing up a good person just because of their career choices and ambitions? Or is it just not going to work because we are both at different stages in life? Are you uncomfortable being a majority provider financially in the long run? Will it bother you in the future if your spouse has little ambition or accomplishments? If either answer is yes you should probably move on. If not, and you are in a settling down mood, maybe you should go for it. Based on what you say about yourself in the post, I would move on if I were you.
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