Nikki Sahagin Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Haven't made contact for a long while now but I can't resist snooping on his facebook - its become a habbit and quite addictive! It actually helped me move on at first because I saw people he was speaking to/his attitude and it made a massive difference to how I viewed him but now I check on it every few days (sometimes a few times a day) and I know this is probably stopping me completely moving on in some ways. Can someone please be supportive and help me not want to look?
angelface78 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Stop doing this. Its a waste of time and you are just hurting yourself. I was also doing this and all i did was inflict pain on myself. I saw pictures of him and his new girl on her myspace and all his dumb headlines on his. I would literally wake up and first thing i would do was look at his page. It would literally define wether i was going to have a good day or not!!! Myspace and facebook are not real life!!! Stop doing this to yourself and learn to let go. Try not looking for a couple of days and you will see the difference. Its hard because its not giving into temptation...but its for the best!!! Trust me...ever since i stopped looking i feel so much better. The truth is his life is no longer any of my business.!!!
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Thanks angelface The first few times I looked I got upset and cried. Now if I look I don't feel much...but still feel compelled to look. And i'll try to stop....its hard...so easy to give into a habit The only thing that helps me is that by deleting him i'm helping him move on because he can't snoop on me but i'm not helping myself by checking. I guess I want the upper hand to see how he's life is progressing.
novack Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Honestly took me 10 days to delete my ex gf from facebook... i deleted her friends too. When ever i see a picture of mutual friends tagged of her it hurts bad... YOU NEED TO DELETE them as a friend... it seems stupid and immature but honestly thats what you need to do
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 I don't have him as a friend, I deleted him straight away but I check it through a mutual friend and only started a couple of months back, before then I never checked.
angelface78 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 But you dont have the upperhand!!! Its exactly what you said....because he cant see yours.. he is moving on, but youre not. Youre playing yourself!! I had this same dilemma..i was going to put my myspace on complete private....but no.. screw it.. let him look at my myspace (which i know he still does) and stay stuck. I however will no longer look at his and im moving on. Look out for yourself because thats what they do. They only care about themselves!!!
DustySaltus Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Nikki, what are you looking for??????? This is not healthy for you. I deleted my profile entirely and I am almost positive my ex reactivated and deactivated my account to check on...yeah, that's the type of person that I was dealing with. I will assume that because you came clean on here about your escapades that you do know what you are doing isn't helping yourself. Every day that you look at his profile you are back at DAY ONE of the healing process. Have your friend delete him and take things one day at a time. Occupy your mind with other thoughts like how much you are looking forward to the day when the person that you are supposed to be with Forever appears in your life.....
PinkToes Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 For me, it became such a habit that I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing, it was sort of automatic. But when I started intentionally avoiding it, one day at a time, I eventually didn't even have to fight the urge anymore. I think it's one of those things that really does die off if we just stop feeding it!
Odyssey Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Damn facebook strikes again. (I'm so glad i don't have it). Can't you just take off your account for now, so you can't log in to FB? If you can't even do that, then ban yourself from the computer...hell unplug it and put it away if you like.
weltrav Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I looked at my ex's facebook today and was devastated to see a pic newly posted of her hanging out with a guy she had a crush on recently (and pic was taken while we were dating so that messes with my head) and saw that the new boyfriend wrote on her profile. I guess I know that I need to stop looking at her facebook, but as already said here, it is somewhat addictive and lets me see kind of what's going on with her while not talking to her at all.
Ultiman Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I removed my ex as a friend from facebook and myspace. It was just necessary no matter how wrong it seemed. It was disgusting watching myself check her facebook every 5 minutes at work, as soon as i got home before going to sleep as soon as i woke up etc etc. I had to do it for myself and you should as well
BigBubbs Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Hey Nikki I was totally addicted to checking my exes online profiles including the ones she had on dating sites. I remember feeling the need as soon as I got up in the morning. It frustrated me soo much because I felt totally out of control and embarrassed in myself. It is like a drug and although it maybe easy for some to go cold turkey I know it can be much much harder than that. I've been separated and no contact with my ex now for almost 3 months and have not checked up on her in 2 months. What I did to stop was I booked a time for myself. I said to myself I could do all the checking I wanted to but only twice a week (Wednesday night and Sunday morning). I wasn't going to allow myself to check at any other time. It made it so I easily was able to do that as it didn't seem so permanent. After a couple weeks of that I made it only once per week and did that for a couple of weeks. From there I decided I would go for 2 weeks and the 2 weeks came and went and I have not checked again 8 weeks later. Ween yourself off and as you do trust me you will see how much better you feel. I also convinced myself that there is nothing I could possibly see that would make me feel any better about things. The best case would be a neutral feeling and the worst case would be totally rejected, replacable, worthless and hurt again. Be kind to yourself and don't do something that you know will bring you pain, but also realize you are hurting and are searching for answers. Take baby steps and ween yourself off. Trust me you will feel so much better when you do. You'll do it. Take Care
Ilovecake Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Nikki I was the same way. I would check all sites he went on obsessively. Don't even know what I was looking for since whatever I would find would just hurt me. After a while I just sort of started forgetting to check more and more often. I think that time will come for you too.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Thanks for the support guys! I forget which poster asked this question BUT someone asked what am I expecting to find? Or whats the point? Well I guess for me it was to know what he's doing and keep ahead of him? Almost in a weird way comparing how our life's are going. Its like a comparison thing. To see who's in he's life/what he's doing without us speaking. I don't really know why...I guess its the last tie to sever. But anytime I feel the urge to look i'm going to write back on here and hope maybe someone has some words of encouragement for me!
deadboy666 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 it's times like these that i hate the internet. why can't it be ten years ago when you just had a geocities page and a guestbook? we are friends on twitter, myspace, facebook, and livejournal. i want to delete her, and ive even told her that i will be, but i cant(yet). i guess i still am interested in whats going on in her life and how she is doing with my replacement... facebook is probably the worst, because it records every action you do. there is a way where you can remove a friend from the news feed and make it so you can only look at what theyre doing if you actually go to their profile. im blocked on chat, but there is a way you can get around that with the iphone app... ha. it's only a matter of time before i delete her though, i just cant bring myself to do it yet. livejournal is hard because we are still talking on there a little bit, and i guess i dont even think about myspace or twitter because she is never on either it's been about 6 and a half weeks now, and while it's still hard, it's getting a bit easier. every day helps, for me at least.
lilbelle Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 i don't check his fb and im not friends with him. i don't need to check it to know what he is doing cause i don't care anymore. he obviously left for his ex and he can do that. i cannot make him want me. thats just reality.
LostInLA Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Haven't made contact for a long while now but I can't resist snooping on his facebook - its become a habbit and quite addictive! It actually helped me move on at first because I saw people he was speaking to/his attitude and it made a massive difference to how I viewed him but now I check on it every few days (sometimes a few times a day) and I know this is probably stopping me completely moving on in some ways. Can someone please be supportive and help me not want to look? I'm in the same boat right now and I know it's bad to do this but I can't help it either! I feel sort of out of control but in control at the same time, weird huh? The responses have been great on here...I like the weening off thing, which is what I did subconsciously I guess...now I just need to stop it altogether. We can do this!!!
almostpassedit Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) only when i was almost over it did i stop checking. when she changed her relationship status to "in a relationship" 8 months after the breakup and 1 day after i unblocked her, that took back a bit... it was odd because of two reasons a) i just unblocked her b) she was fawking this guy 6 months prior to me finding out... every since then i would randomly check it, even added her boyfriend to a new profile i created with fake name... his profile was odd, his said "in a relationship", about 5 months later, it said "single" her's said "in a relationship" still figured they broke up, on top of that looking at the facebook just made me realize how little in life i must of been toward her. for a female that didn't mean anything to me in the beginning, she messed up my head for about 2 years and along with it, the demise of my business.. i am still recovering being in that situtation and looking back at it now, its just odd how i cared so much for this person and now i feel as if it was all in my head. Edited November 5, 2009 by almostpassedit
OneCoconut Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Well I guess for me it was to know what he's doing and keep ahead of him? Almost in a weird way comparing how our life's are going. Its like a comparison thing. To see who's in he's life/what he's doing without us speaking. I don't really know why...I guess its the last tie to sever. But anytime I feel the urge to look i'm going to write back on here and hope maybe someone has some words of encouragement for me! I heard it's not great to dwell on things like this. BUT. I also checked my ex's facebook page obessesivly when we first broke up. The major problem in our relationship was all career-financial. He just couldn't ever keep a good job and his EGO was too much. At that time we broke up, I had just lost my job as well. So I was also checking his facebook status to see where he was going/what jobs he was going for. Just like you.. comparing lives. It worked out for me because I realized that he made a lot of plans and promises that he couldn't keep. Made me realize he's not the man I could ever want. At the same time, I was working on myself(moving on) and when you compare it to his life.. I was so much better. I have a great job now and living a great life while he's just... jobless and STILL making these "plans/promises". I have completely no feelings anymore for him and checking has stopped for me. I have "closure"? He just wasn't the man for me and he will always never be the man for me. So I'm not trying to encourage checking his facebook but you know.. it's the way you look at it. You're not trying to "care" for him but more like see why are so much better without him. But alas, it's time to focus on yourself, girl! So just do that! Better your life! Once you do that.. you'll forget about checking and the point of checking will be stupid.
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