Love2love7 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 My husband and I have only been married for 1 year. Before me, he had a gf for 1 year(they dated on and off), he broke up with her in May and met me in June. He asked me to marry him in August and we got married in November. It was love at first sight and since then we have been inseparable. But the issue is with his ex. In the beginning of our marriage I found out that he text her when we got into an argument (it was about her. I sent her a message on Facebook telling her to leave my husband alone because she was still trying to contact him) Then she text him asking him why was I messaging her. He text her back telling her he was sorry that I was acting like that and to not write me back. He also text her saying that he did not want to come home to me. When I read this text messages I was so angry and literally threw the phone in his face. We had a HUGE argument. I was hurt by what he did. He told me he was sorry and text his ex telling her to lose his number and that I sent her the message because I was looking out for our marriage. Since then, I have not anything like this happen again. Haven't even heard from her/about her. He's been a good husband but I still think and wonder about his ex all the time. I think about what he did and for the past few days it won't go away! it's driving me crazy.. I think about them together and picture them together. Help me! what should I do??
Fifi LeFleur Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 It sounds like maybe you were a rebound for him "at first". However, you are married now. His ex is no longer in the picture. I used to be obsessed with my husband's ex. I didn't know what she looked like, where she worked, or anything. His ex broke up with him - pretty much at the alter! So in my mind, he always wanted her and I was only second best. I had a picture of her in mind what she was like - prettier than me - smarter than me, etc... then one day I met her. Wow, I was so unimpressed. She's even a bit crazy. My husband and I ran into her one night at a club. We ended up hanging out the whole night. My husband acted like a complete idiot around her. He obviously wasn't over her. I was so hurt and upset. We never spoke about her after that night. The days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into years. We've been married 11 years now. I no longer feel like I'm 2nd best. We have a life together now. There is no way she can compete with that. If I were you, I wouldn't mention her again. Don't let him know that his past relationship bothers you. You're giving it more substance than it deserves. If their relationship was so good, he would have married her NOT you. But he chose you. Show some confidence (even if you don't have it) it's much more attractive to a guy than jealousy. Remember, you're the one he comes home to at night!
Ronni_W Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I think about them together and picture them together. Help me! what should I do?? L2l7, You are in charge of your own thoughts and the mental images in your head. STOP thinking about them together and STOP picturing them together!!! You are using your mind to create problems, distrust and conflict in your marriage. This does not make any sense to me. Why not put your mind power to more noble or productive endeavours? Paint a picture, compose a symphony, read a book, cure cancer, meditate.
Pavel_B Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Fifi, your situation may not be the same. Obviously, you were much hotter than your husband's ex, but this may not be the case for everyone. Being a 6 when an ex is a 9 is a big confidence stretcher. Sometimes a girl traps her man in order to force a "long-term" relationship. This is also something that obviously doesn't pertain to you. The thing that you should look for in your man is his stalkerness. That's not a word, but you get the idea.
Author Love2love7 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Thanx guys! I haven't been thinking about his ex that much anymore. He married ME and not her and I should worry about my future with him not his past. Thank you again for your advice. Pavel_B..that's not my situation either. I'm definitely way hotter than my husbands ex. I was thinking about her because once she had his love and even though he didn't know me it's hard to think about your husband with another woman.
pappabear Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 What he's doing is certainly unacceptable behavior. When he married you the vow was to "forsake" all others. But jealously is not attractive. Be confident and fun and figure no one in their right mind would leave YOU! It will come out in your actions and that's usually attractive (just don't be arrogant).
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