hdog Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Im just going to jump right into it. I have dated the same girl for over 4 years since i was a sophomore in high school to a sophomore in college. When college started we moved away from our family and got an apartment together. We didn't make that many friends because we didn't live in the dorms and it was hard to meet people especially when your in a long relationship like that and everyone is single. About 6 months in to living together i became depressed with everything life, love, school. I told her we should break up and she got really sad and started crying and that got me upset and i changed my mind because of how willing she was to make it work. Then summer came i told her that i need to figure my **** out and we moved back with out respective families over the summer. We both got jobs and didn't really see each other that often. I worked at a pretty cool place and was so happy just to go to work. Summer came to an end and we moved back down to where our college is and everything slowly went to ****. I am completely depressed again...didn't take that long this time. Ive told her that i was depressed and i think she knows that im gonna probly gonna talk to her about our relationship soon because she kept asking me if i wanted to break up and telling me she loves me. I do love her but im just not sure if i want to break up with her. During the summer i started smoking weed again (stopped aound the time i broke up with her before to clear my thoughts). It was just a social thing with coworkers and friends did it behind her back cuz she didn't want me smoking. When i got back to college i was like a fiend getting weed. I needed it i haven't gone a single day without smoking. Life is just so dull without it. All we do is go to class and go home and do nothing. Thats our life. We no longer have sex or do anything. We have talked about it a billion times and we ended with me saying im done begging you its your turn to initiate since then we have done nothing. All her little things that made me laugh years ago now make me cringe. Has anyone been in a situation like this before or similar? I know its a long post but im at the end of my rope and appreciate anyones time. I hate her family. She wants to get engaged. How can i get engaged with someone in my state? How can she want to get engaged with someone in my state? I know she wants the commitment but im definitely not ready for that or want it. She said if i made her wait any longer we would probly have to end it so idk. Ive been a bad boyfriend all summer and this school year. Ive been pushing and pushing her way always making things mine and her never ours. I never want to do things for her like take her to the doctor or drive her to school when she dosent feel good. I cant help it because for years she was totally dependent on me and i thought that was our main problem but its obviously not. She is almost completely independent of me and im still pushing her away. Please help me
Author hdog Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 i still love her very much. im just really unhappy with our relationship and my life overall. i feel like the only way to get my life on track is to leave her but i know that her life would crumble without me. that makes it even harder
lilbelle Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 love yourself and you can then love fully. seek some help and talk it out on here
GrayClouds Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 It sound like your unhappy with your life so rather then blaming your relationship see the problem for what it is; your unhappy with your life. This means you need to start rying to figure out how to make you life better yourself. If your depressed seek counsling, maybe medication, get off the drugs, start getting some exercise, try some new hobbies. Work at ways to make yourself more satisfied with your life. To many people are unhappy with their life and think changing to a new girlfriend or boyfriend will get them there. They are look for a easy fix rather then doing the hard work on themselves. Sometimes it works but most of the time it is a sort distraction until the unhappiness returns and in the wake is a lot of hurt innocent people left behind. If you do the hard work on yourself and then after you get there if your relationship is still not right for you then move on. You will know with confidence.
Author hdog Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 GreyClouds, what you said made a lot of sense to me. One of the biggest problems i had was afraid if was making the right choice, this way i will have no regrets. I know its the easy way out but i know that a lot of it has to do with her. I know relationships change but i feel ours has mutated. I was smoking behind her back for all those months and it just made everything go away. Im going to take the harder path. Gonna talk to someone, off the drugs, work out and try and find something to do in my free time. Does anyone have a good way to tell her ive got to make changes in my life and that might not include you? She knows im depressed but kind of cloudy on why should i let her know now that the end result there might not be an us or should i wait untill im more certain its her?
GrayClouds Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 GreyClouds, what you said made a lot of sense to me. One of the biggest problems i had was afraid if was making the right choice, this way i will have no regrets. I know its the easy way out but i know that a lot of it has to do with her. I know relationships change but i feel ours has mutated. I was smoking behind her back for all those months and it just made everything go away. Im going to take the harder path. Gonna talk to someone, off the drugs, work out and try and find something to do in my free time. Does anyone have a good way to tell her ive got to make changes in my life and that might not include you? She knows im depressed but kind of cloudy on why should i let her know now that the end result there might not be an us or should i wait untill im more certain its her? I am impressed most do not have the courage that you are showing. Good luck. No matter how it turns out with you two at least you know you are headed to a better place with in yourself. Far as talking to her you all ready said it: One of the biggest problems i had was afraid if was making the right choice, this way i will have no regrets. I know its the easy way out but i know that a lot of it has to do with her. I know relationships change but i feel ours has mutated. I was smoking behind her back for all those months and it just made everything go away. Im going to take the harder path. Gonna talk to someone, off the drugs, work out and try and find something to do in my free time. Does anyone have a good way to tell her ive got to make changes in my life Be honest, tell her that you know that you need to make some positive changes for yourself and for your life. Actknowledge that while your doing this hard work at times it may be difficult for her and the relationship but in the end the only way you can be good in the relationship is to be happy with yourself. Tell her you want her support. While it will be a bit scary for her she should encourage you and be happy about it. There is a chance that it may bring you two closer together. Again I am impressed. good luck
Author hdog Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 I told her that i am a mess and am going though allot of things. I also told her that ive got to find myself and she understood and wants to support me no matter what. Thank you GrayClouds for your words. I feel like everything will be alright regardless of the outcome and im on the road to recovery.Will post in a month or so to update whats going on. Thanks again.
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