Don't Want to Hurt So Bad Down the Road

[sakuraheart]

Hello everyone!

I have been reading this forum for awhile, and I am excited to finally make a post!

 

Anyways, on to my situation.

I have been dating a guy for about 4 months, and I really do love him, and I feel we have a good relationship. Of course, I am kind of needy, so I feel like I care for him for than he cares for me, but I find I keep it in check pretty well, so my diary hears all my neediness instead of my boyfriend;)

 

And right now, I am soooo happy, but I feel almost tooo happy. Our relationship is still new and I am soooo in love with him right now. I have found that I have become too dependent on him and I don't want to do that at all!!

 

Me and my boyfriend have a lot going against us. We are of different ages, different financial backrounds, and different cultural and racial backrounds. We try to make it work, but it gets difficult sometimes.

 

So this leads to my little problem.

Not to sound like a negative person, but I want to be prepared for my life if this relationship does not work out. If it ended today I would be beyond devistated, because I am too much invested in him.

 

I don't want to be completely emotianally dependent on him; if we break up I want to be able to tell myself it will be all right and move on.

 

Please help me! Please give me you good advice!

 

Thanks for reading!!

 

<3

SakuraHeart

[JL911]

What I have found is that if you do not take the risk you will never know the reward...

 

In order to take this risk you must be willing to get hurt...It seems you already know the risks involved in becoming and growing as a couple.

 

Ive had relationships end some I wanted some they wanted. As hard as they all were to move on from I can say I have and am still here to talk about it.

[quankanne]

every interpersonal relationship you enter has the risk of ending; the question is, do you feel the time invested with that person (friend, family, lover) is worth taking those risks?

 

my thought is that we should love with abandon, and gain something from that experience. Maybe what we learn is enough to help us better cope with the grief of parting, or maybe it isn't. But that shouldn't keep us avoiding those relationships.

 

as for the needy thing: I've come to realize in my ripe old age that in every relationship, there seems to be one person who has a more vested interest, or "loves harder," if you will. Not sure why, but that's just how it goes ... so, I'll just focus on the fact that I am capable of giving/sharing/receiving that love, and take it from there

[SweetyBear]

Honestly, breakups hurt and you're going to be hurt if it ends whether you give wholeheartedly or whether you hold yourself back. To live that way, though? To expect it to end and try to act accordingly? That is sabotaging your relationship. I agree with the other posters who have said to love with abandon and if things don't turn out the way you planned, deal with it then.

[bbf]

You shouldn't hold back your love and you shouldn't be overly dependent on him. They're not mutually exclusive. It sounds like you're losing yourself in the relationship. Your boyfriend should be a source of support when you need it, not your savior, or your caretaker, or something you can't live without.

 

Remind yourself that you can exist without him. Go out with your friends without him, have your own hobbies, accomplish something on your own.

 

It might be hard, but imo a relationship is about growth. One day your man might need you to be strong for him. You can't do that unless you have your own strength independent of him.

 

Just my two cents.

[torranceshipman]

I'd try and get a really great new pastime - say, a new gym membership, or a new sport or something...and make sure you maintain all your friendships...