When in doubt, what do you do?

[xxMusicGuy]

How do you handle doubts and fears that the guy you are with right now isn't the guy you will be with for the years to come (especially when you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with)? I mean, how do you know when doubts and fears aren't actually based on your true feelings for the guy(and not just negative feelings that you have at the time)? I mean, I really do like him , but there have been quite a few times where I find myself questioning whether he is the one I really want a future with. And I guess that bugs me because part of me knows that I will never be truly happy with someone if I expect to fall in love with the perfect guy. I guess we all have doubts sometimes, right? I would just like to know how to not let them interfere with the relationship. I’d really like to fall in love… but I guess I’d like to avoid getting hurt just as much. I think I’ve convinced myself that this guy isn’t going to hurt me because we are looking for the same things in life and have very similar goals… plus we click in ways that I’ve never really experienced with someone else yet always wanted it.

 

 

If you are the kind of person to question everything in life and let it sometimes take you away from being happy, then is there ever such a thing as a love so strong that you would never worry? Do I have the wrong idea of love? I honestly don’t think I know what it is and up until now, I’ve just closed off my heart and wouldn’t let anybody get close… but I think I’m ready to start learning more about love.

When I first met Jason I wasn’t expecting anything to come out of it except for a nice friendship. Actually, I had just gone a the wonderful date with another guy the week before and felt like I wanted to start dating that guy… but something happened the second night of hanging out with Jason and now I’ve actually told that other guy that I can’t because I’ve found someone special. I feel like I’ve stopped looking… and I feel jealous when other guys look at him… and I get upset if he were to look back… and I’d probably start second guessing my feeling for him at that point.

I feel like I know the answer and I would generally talk to him about this stuff and feel a whole bunch better… but I really would like someone else’s point of view. Someone who has maybe seen other people in similar situations or have been down that road… or is still going down that road. Either way, I appreciate your response.

~Eddie

[Malenfant]

How do you handle doubts and fears that the guy you are with right now isn't the guy you will be with for the years to come (especially when you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with)? I mean, how do you know when doubts and fears aren't actually based on your true feelings for the guy(and not just negative feelings that you have at the time)? I mean, I really do like him , but there have been quite a few times where I find myself questioning whether he is the one I really want a future with. And I guess that bugs me because part of me knows that I will never be truly happy with someone if I expect to fall in love with the perfect guy. I guess we all have doubts sometimes, right? I would just like to know how to not let them interfere with the relationship. I’d really like to fall in love… but I guess I’d like to avoid getting hurt just as much. I think I’ve convinced myself that this guy isn’t going to hurt me because we are looking for the same things in life and have very similar goals… plus we click in ways that I’ve never really experienced with someone else yet always wanted it.

 

 

If you are the kind of person to question everything in life and let it sometimes take you away from being happy, then is there ever such a thing as a love so strong that you would never worry? Do I have the wrong idea of love? I honestly don’t think I know what it is and up until now, I’ve just closed off my heart and wouldn’t let anybody get close… but I think I’m ready to start learning more about love.

When I first met Jason I wasn’t expecting anything to come out of it except for a nice friendship. Actually, I had just gone a the wonderful date with another guy the week before and felt like I wanted to start dating that guy… but something happened the second night of hanging out with Jason and now I’ve actually told that other guy that I can’t because I’ve found someone special. I feel like I’ve stopped looking… and I feel jealous when other guys look at him… and I get upset if he were to look back… and I’d probably start second guessing my feeling for him at that point.

I feel like I know the answer and I would generally talk to him about this stuff and feel a whole bunch better… but I really would like someone else’s point of view. Someone who has maybe seen other people in similar situations or have been down that road… or is still going down that road. Either way, I appreciate your response.

~Eddie

 

I have always been the type of person to over-analyse my feelings, question and second guess them.

So I think I know what you mean.

 

You cant determine if your doubts are based on them or just your own reactions to life, as you are a sensitive person.

You want so much for a person to fill you up, and have preconcieved notions of how this will feel, so when you do meet someone, but you still feel a little space where you expected to be filled, you feel that its because they are not the one for you.

 

I can only speak for myself and my own experiences, so here goes.

Being a highly sensitive person myself, I have come to understand that that place inside me isnt there for them to fill, its like the part of me thats just for me. I know other people will say that they give all to their partner, and maybe dont understand what I mean, but thats just because people are different, and TBH I have only known a couple of people in my life that have truely understood me.

 

Its difficult talking about things like this because some people on here will say its because you dont love him enough, but I disagree. I dont think anyone can judge how much love is enough or not.

I think people love and feel differently, and if you are a over-analyst, its very difficult to go with the flow and you're always questioning how you feel, which makes life very difficult sometimes.

 

I would recommend not worrying if he's the one for ever and ever, and just live each day as it comes.

if you try to force the 'perfect' feeling onto him its not going to help. Try to accept that he isnt perfect, but that you enjoy spending time together, and for the moment, that works for you and at the moment you dont want to be with anyone else.

Dont be afraid to tell him how you feel, be open about how much you care. you risk having your feelings hurt but remember, you'll always have that little piece of you deep inside that cant be touched, and I think thats a good thing, well at least it is for me.

 

I dont mean that i hold anything back, its just I cant actually articulate that piece of me. My H knows how I am and although maybe doesnt 100% understand how I feel, he embraces and accepts me as I am.

 

Maybe I dont understand you, but I just wanted you to know that there are lots of highly complicated people in the world, just like you, and it is difficult to deal with our high levels of feeling and emotions, but it is totally possible and you should enjoy being an unusual person.

[Malenfant]

just wanted to add.

 

for a over-thinker, love is a strange thing because you want to break it down, analyse it and understand it.

 

this sometimes means that we think we dont know what love is because it cant be understood, thats its very nature, so its not surprising that you feel you dont know what love is, it cant be described really, or put in a box and labelled, so I think thats what confuses you.