tryagaintoday Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Hi guys, I'm sharing a part of the conversation between my current date and I. I really like her. Think I have a chance? I'll try to do this as best as I could from memory... I hope she don't come to LS....anyway, if you're here. I really do like you alot and I will do whatever I can. Here goes. Her (H): I was taken aback when you mention your last R was 13 years. Really very long and I think you have not really put it behind. Sorry if this will make you sad or angry. Me (M): No worries, I wouldn't be sad or angry. But why do you think I haven't put it behind? H: From observations.. M: I don't want to lie to you because you are significant to me. The only thing left is just a bit of resentment. But I am glad it happened 'cause it made me met you. I'm also doing whatever it takes to get over and everyday I am better. But you can take all the time you need. H: I know you are trying hard to get to know me. But I can feel that you also find it difficult and always having to accomodate me which I don't want you to. M: Remember I said you don't have to change? I meant it. As I man I think I need to put in some effort. But I also believe for us to work, both of us need to sometimes give and sometimes take. Accept each other for what we are. H: I agree both sides have to give and take to work out. I also do consider what will happen if we are really together but it just made me wonder how you lived for the past 13 years and how the relationship ended up like that M: We were together when we were very young. Yes I did love her. But I became complacent. So even when I knew she's cheating, I did nothing. Maybe I don't love her that much and were just together out of habit. We did live together for the past years. I am growing up and know my errors which I want to change for myself and not as a point to prove to anybody. H: Can I ask when it ended? As in how long ago? Months? Years? M: We officially parted 2 months ago. H: I have a better picture now. Let's remain status quo for the time being, ok? Give ourselves more time. I don't want you to get hurt again as well. M: Ok. I understand. Give me a chance and we go through this journey together. Have a good rest!
dreamergrl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 You just got out of a 2 month relationship. The new girl can obviously sense that you are not over it. She doesn't want to be a rebound. Give yourself some time to heal from the break up. This isn't a conversation that should have to happen in a brand new relationship.
Enema Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I don't think you have a chance. Or, if you do, maybe in 6-12 months. I mean come on man. You ended a 13 year relationship 2 months ago and you're already coming on really strong. The girl rightly thinks she's just a rebound; you seem overly keen to jump straight back into another LTR.
Author tryagaintoday Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 darn...knew it. It's ok. I can wait 6 to 12 months....
BG1985 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 In my opinion y'all really shouldn't be talking about exes when on dates. Was this a first date?
BCCA Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Dude, it wouldnt be fair to her to date you right now. 2 months after 13 YEARS together is nowhere close to enough time to get over a breakup. This girl has probably been through this before, and the guy realizes she isnt anything close to what he wants (after she falls for him, of course), goes back to his ex, or does some other complete douche manuever on her. She knows better than to believe youre ready to date. You arent. Chill out for a few months, at least 6, and enjoy being single. Think about what you really want in a woman, and just clear your head.
boogieboy Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Next time on a date, or when talking to a new woman, dont talk about your ex, dont even bring her up. If the woman asks about it, youve been single for a year and change the subject.
LostInLA Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Next time on a date, or when talking to a new woman, dont talk about your ex, dont even bring her up. If the woman asks about it, youve been single for a year and change the subject. Eww...please don't outright lie. Other than that, I agree with everyone else. It's just too soon for you to date, it's not fair to her and it's not fair to yourself. Most likely you will end up in a rebound relationship and then lots of drama. Avoid the drama LOL
Author tryagaintoday Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 In my opinion y'all really shouldn't be talking about exes when on dates. Was this a first date? No, not a first date. 7th date. We met 3 weeks back. Made the mistake of asking her to be exclusive on Saturday. That's why this talk....
boogieboy Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 No, not a first date. 7th date. We met 3 weeks back. Made the mistake of asking her to be exclusive on Saturday. That's why this talk.... If you wanna keep dating, you CANT tell them you just got out of a 13 year relationship two months ago, and you cannot talk about the ex AT ALL. That is a red flag that will send anyhone running.
Miad's Princess Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 If you wanna keep dating, you CANT tell them you just got out of a 13 year relationship two months ago, and you cannot talk about the ex AT ALL. That is a red flag that will send anyhone running. Finding out he lied, would send her running... He wants her and him to be exclusive and not just date therefore starting out on a lie is a BIG NO NO.
boogieboy Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Finding out he lied, would send her running... He wants her and him to be exclusive and not just date therefore starting out on a lie is a BIG NO NO. He can do like many women do. He doesnt have to lie, just not reveal, all of the truth. He never actually has to tell her that he just got out of a 13 year relationship 2 months before he met her. As long as he shows hes into her, and not thinking about his ex, it'll be fine.
dreamergrl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 He can do like many women do. He doesnt have to lie, just not reveal, all of the truth. He never actually has to tell her that he just got out of a 13 year relationship 2 months before he met her. As long as he shows hes into her, and not thinking about his ex, it'll be fine. Unless his actions reveal he just got out of a 13 year relationship.
Author tryagaintoday Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Thanks for the responses, keep them coming. She's a friend's friend so sooner or later she'll know. So I felt it was better for me to tell her instead of her hearing it somewhere else later. Anyway, she asked me if I have a previous relationship. So I'm not gonna lie. Thing is, how does one know when you are totally over someone and is ready for a new life? You just get up one day and suddenly it just happened? I guess by asking this, it shows that I'm still not ready. She's smart and I think she also wanted something she can commit and be serious about. I will just do my best.
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Thanks for the responses, keep them coming. She's a friend's friend so sooner or later she'll know. So I felt it was better for me to tell her instead of her hearing it somewhere else later. Anyway, she asked me if I have a previous relationship. So I'm not gonna lie. Thing is, how does one know when you are totally over someone and is ready for a new life? You just get up one day and suddenly it just happened? I guess by asking this, it shows that I'm still not ready. She's smart and I think she also wanted something she can commit and be serious about. I will just do my best. When you're not thinking about your ex a lot. When you're okay with being single. When that conversation you had doesn't need to happen...
CLC2008 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I think she is being VERY smart in taking that into consideration. I wouldn't go anywhere near someone who I knew just got out of a 12 year relationship two months ago and especially given those circumstances. There is bound to be (and I hate to use this term) "baggage" right from the getgo with anyone you meet shortly thereafter something like that.
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I think she is being VERY smart in taking that into consideration. I wouldn't go anywhere near someone who I knew just got out of a 12 year relationship two months ago and especially given those circumstances. There is bound to be (and I hate to use this term) "baggage" right from the getgo with anyone you meet shortly thereafter something like that. 13 years.. but who's counting?
CLC2008 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 13 years.. but who's counting? Thank you dreamergrl for the correction, good eye
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Thank you dreamergrl for the correction, good eye I think girls can sense very well when a guy is not over his last R, especially when it's been that long. I think that's why she asked. Whether it's 12 or 13, that's a looooooong time.
Author tryagaintoday Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 When you're not thinking about your ex a lot. When you're okay with being single. When that conversation you had doesn't need to happen... I'm not thinking about her alot. But I'm not too sure how much is "alot". I just know that it is much lesser than 2 months ago, and getting lesser and lesser day by day. I had NC with her for 2 months (except for that stupid reply to her text 1 night when I was drunk). I'm actually thinking about my current date alot. Every night and morning especially. When I hang out with my friends, sometimes I'll bring up the ex, and they always change the subject. Saying that, they think it is much more interesting to talk about my current date or some other attractive women. My sis is telling me that I had not finished grieving and I'm doing what it takes to skip the process. Thanks, for putting up with me guys, I'm just abit messed up now. I love LS and the folks here. Can't believe you get these kind of advise and listening ear for free!
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I'm not thinking about her alot. But I'm not too sure how much is "alot". I just know that it is much lesser than 2 months ago, and getting lesser and lesser day by day. I had NC with her for 2 months (except for that stupid reply to her text 1 night when I was drunk). I'm actually thinking about my current date alot. Every night and morning especially. When I hang out with my friends, sometimes I'll bring up the ex, and they always change the subject. Saying that, they think it is much more interesting to talk about my current date or some other attractive women. My sis is telling me that I had not finished grieving and I'm doing what it takes to skip the process. Thanks, for putting up with me guys, I'm just abit messed up now. I love LS and the folks here. Can't believe you get these kind of advise and listening ear for free! If you're friends have to change the subject, your sis tells you this, and your currant date is telling you by observations, you are sooooo not over your ex.
Author tryagaintoday Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 If you're friends have to change the subject, your sis tells you this, and your currant date is telling you by observations, you are sooooo not over your ex. Darn...! Anyway just to share something, my current date just text me when I'm responding... I am in love ok, you guys can start your rolling eyeballs manoeuvre now...
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Darn...! Anyway just to share something, my current date just text me when I'm responding... I am in love ok, you guys can start your rolling eyeballs manoeuvre now... 20 bucks says you are not in love. You just got out of a 13 year relationship, in which your own sister has pointed out that you're not dealing with it, and you're not dealing with it because you're using this girl as a distraction. I hope you don't tell this girl you're in love with her... she's going to be running for every last hill on this planet. You are very much rebounding her. And she knows it.
Author tryagaintoday Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 20 bucks says you are not in love. You just got out of a 13 year relationship, in which your own sister has pointed out that you're not dealing with it, and you're not dealing with it because you're using this girl as a distraction. I hope you don't tell this girl you're in love with her... she's going to be running for every last hill on this planet. You are very much rebounding her. And she knows it. I suppose you're right. Nah, I wouldn't tell her that I'm in love or what not. We'll just continue to date and see how it goes.
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