snoopy girl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 we just bought a new car sat. while cleaning out the old car, i found a doctors note with nonoxynol-9 on the paper, asked my husband what is this, he didn't know, i looked it up on the net and was shocked! its to keep you from having babies, he as been fixed for over 13 yrs and i had a hist. done 8yrs ago. he tried to blame it on my oldest daughter that is married with child and on birthcontol, tried to blame me for it, acting very weird about the whole thing, saying he didn't know where it came from, then he said i wrote it for my daughter. the doctors sheet only has the initials of all doctors on it, so i looked up all the doctors in the office and they matched, he said it came from my daughters doctors office, he asked her and she didn't know anything about it. now he is trying to blame me for the note..should i go to the doctors office and ask them if the note came from is office? what would you do?
dreamergrl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Just a guess... but I doubt if you found the right doctor they wouldn't tell you. Confidentiality.
Author snoopy girl Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Just a guess... but I doubt if you found the right doctor they wouldn't tell you. Confidentiality. i was thinking the same thing, but if i ask them if the sheet was their and not ask about the writing, would they tell me?
Enema Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Have you owned the car since new? I imported a car from Japan once. Went to sell it a few years later and gave it a good cleaning, found a whole bunch of random japanese receipts in odd places.
dreamergrl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 i was thinking the same thing, but if i ask them if the sheet was their and not ask about the writing, would they tell me? Even if they did.. where will that get you? Frankly, I think something is up. But other then the usual p.i. stuff that is suggested on here, I don't know what to tell you.
JamesM Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I am curious...why does it matter? Now some questions.... Does the prescription have a recent date? How old is it? Assuming it is your daughter's, is that a problem? If it is really your husband's, then what are you afraid of? Do you suspect him of anything? I am wondering why the big concern. Are you wondering why he seems evasive about it?
Art_Critic Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 What is a doctor's note ?.. do you mean a prescription ? nonoxynol-9 is also the spermicide they put inside of condoms and is also the spermicide you use for other types of birth control. Honestly.. no way in hell would a guy have that written down on paper.. It sounds like something your daughters gyno gave it to her to remind her to use a birth control with nonoxynol-9 in it if she bought any from the store or a scipt if she was using another barrier method of birth control. Some barrier methods require nonoxynol-9 as well to be used before sex. He is being slightly evasive because by the sounds of it you have already pinned him cheating on you becuase of that note.. He probably feels he is a damned if he does damed if he doesn't position.
JamesM Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Ah, now I understand and remember you. You have had problems with trusting him in the past. About a year ago, you found sites for massage places near his work. And you were concerned about a blond coworker who called the house. So your concern is that this note indicates that he is cheating? (Hence posting it in the Cheating forum...now I notice.)
dreamergrl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Wait... I'm confused... I thought it was a prescription.
Art_Critic Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Wait... I'm confused... I thought it was a prescription. I wasn't able to figure it out from the OP.. a script already has the doctors office info and DR's signature and she mentioned that she didn't know where it came from... so it sounds like it isn't a script.
dreamergrl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I wasn't able to figure it out from the OP.. a script already has the doctors office info and DR's signature and she mentioned that she didn't know where it came from... so it sounds like it isn't a script. Well that changes my opinion.
Author snoopy girl Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 more details, the note was in my husbands old car and was put into the new car and while looking for the registration to the old car i found the note. from the doctors office.. the only thing on it was nonoxgnal-9, today i went to my husbands doctors office to see if it came from that office, because he had been blaming my oldest daughter for the note... and yes!!! it did come from his doctors office, it was a note pad that they use to write info to anyone, they told me it maybe that the doctor or nurse wrote it down.. they do this for over the counter meds.. the only reason i went to the doctors office is because he said it was not from his doctor but from my daughters. my daughter said she had never seen that note and that she felt that her dad was trying talk her into tell me that it was hers, she uses the health department for alll needs, and never seen that ever...and my husband uses a doctor that is out of our town 40 miles away and my daughter and i use doctors in our town just minutes away. the ladies at the doctors office was very nice and also showed me the pad that they use, it was the same. i don't know what to think about this whole thing and yes i feel i have condemned him without finding out that this could be used for something other than sex.
Author snoopy girl Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 also my daughter has not been in his car in over a year or so and i know for a fact that his car had been cleaned out many times this year. it was in his glove compartment. with many other important papers.
Trimmer Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 the only reason i went to the doctors office is because he said it was not from his doctor but from my daughters. my daughter said she had never seen that note and that she felt that her dad was trying talk her into tell me that it was hers, she uses the health department for alll needs, and never seen that ever... Uh, red flag... According to wikipedia, Gillette used to put it in their shaving creams as a surfactant, but doesn't any more. Really, what else would a doctor be writing it down for?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 If he's had avasectomy why would he need a spermacide??
silverfish Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Maybe he didn't want to tell the other woman, if there is one, that he has had the snip. My ex didnt tell his new g/f til a few months into their relationship, because I think she said from the beginning that she wanted kids
Author snoopy girl Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 thats just what i am trying to figure out myself, i have racked my brains today, thinking of all kinds of bad thoughts, could he be having sex with call girls and trying not to catch something from them or does he have a girlfriend that is careful not to catch std's from him or anyone else? i have read on the net that it helps to keep down the spread of std's and hiv when used with a condom.. when my husband got home tonight he told me he knew where the note came from, he said his dad... his dad had passed away in 2005 and went to the same doctor as he does, now i am really worried..and he thinks i have bought this ideal of his.. when in fact i know that is not true, because he bought the old car shortly after his father passed..and as far as shaving, i did read that it was good for that and if he had a problem with that i could understand the note, but he doesn't.. just trying to find the truth. may never get it.. thank you for all your help.
serialgf Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 well regardless of the reason for him having the piece of paper, your husband definitely lied to you and tried to get your daughter to lie to you. that compounded with the fact that you drove 40 minutes each way to confirm that he lied to you is just a huge red flag that something is really wrong with your relationship i didn't read your other threads, but it sounds like you've had trust issues with your husband.... it also sounds like the note is really old... could it be from before he got the snip? have y'all gone to marriage counseling? honestly, my first impression was that if he is cheating on you maybe the doctor suggested that he may want to stay away from nonoxynol-9 because it can have adverse effects and it shortens the life of a condom... and since he doesn't need it... have you ever found condoms in the car or otherwise? i don't know... it sounds like your marriage has deep-seeded issues and there doesn't seem to be adequate communication between you and your husband.... what are you doing to alleviate that?
Author snoopy girl Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 the note has to be no older than one year old because last year i checked out his car for anything out of the way, and at that time i didn't find anything.. yes i have trust issues for about 5 yrs now, i have lived in the dark most of our marriage and trusted what ever he told me and even when i caught him in a lie, he would still come up with a good story and then i would let it go, i am a very easy going person but now that i am at the age i am, my eyes are wide open to all the crap he has and is doing. i have ask him to go to counceling and he said no way, it didn't work for my parents and my sister so why would you waste the money.. so i never pushed it again. but as far as i know, i only thought that he was a big flirt and that he likes to watch porn and in his business he took many guys to bars and topless bars, worked with many women, but now i think it much more, i think there is a deep deep sercet he has..... and the funny thing is that just 2 week ago, he told me some crack whore told him he was cute.. could he be telling on himself?
boundaryproblem Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 i don't know... it sounds like your marriage has deep-seeded issues and there doesn't seem to be adequate communication between you and your husband.... what are you doing to alleviate that? I agree with serialgf. It is like he wants to get caught. Why would that be? Sometimes husbands are cowards and you have to swing your sword and do the dirty work. Massage parlours? Crack wh-res? How far are you going to follow this trail of breadcrumbs? To a positive HIV test?
Author snoopy girl Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 boundaryproblem, never really thought about that, thanks, you have made me think and thats what i need to do, i wouldn't want some guy to do that to my girls and why would i settle for less. i am a much stronger person then i was years ago, but this time its different, i'm not crying.
Boundary Problem Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Sounds like you are thinking about what is best for you. I'm very happy to hear it. These passive/latent situations can actually be quite quietly damaging. So I'm glad you are considering your options.
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