LuckyYou Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Ok a little bit of back ground. I recently got out of a 3 year relationship about a month and a half ago. It was a very serious one we lived together for almost the entire 3 years and spent almost every day together. It was pretty much a mutual breakup, we had to break up there was no way around it. (long story.) The relationship was not a good one. There were good times of course but a lot of really really bad ones too.... I moved to a new state about 2 weeks after the breakup, which I think has made it a lot easier to deal with. A fresh new start, im closer to my family now and things are going great! We have been NC for a couple of weeks now too which has helped so much. Things about the relationship are becoming so clear its hard to explain.... I have kept all material things from the break up, I have them stored away for memories later in life. But the last few days I have found myself at a crossroads. I have a lot of pictures on my phone of him/us. And I'm not sure if I want to delete them or not... I feel like I should because I know I will never be with him again. Like I said the relationship was not a good one and I have relized that I don't want to ever be back in it. So what would be the point in keeping them.. I have been thinking about deleting them the last few days and everytime I think about I come to the conclusion that I should. But I am afraid I might regret it later. I don't know why I would regret it like I said I KNOW we will never be together again and I'm not sure if I even want a friendship with him anymore... I guess what I'm asking is to erase or not to erase.... Has anyone on here erased memories and come to regret it later? (I threw out EVERYTHING from my last serious relationship and still sort of regret it to this day) Should I delete them and finally put an end to that chapter in my life? Or should I keep them until I am 100 and 10% sure I wont ever regret it. (The space on my phone is almost full!!)
McGrupp Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 i guess if your not sure but you dont want them to be easily available i would send them to my email and burn them to a disc and delete them off my phone and store the disc somewhere.
NopeNah Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 get rid of them! Just do it. It'll hurt a bit at first but, a month down the road you'll be glad you did.
dashing daisy Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I've had the urges to delete things before, but I've also been scared so I never really did. Anything digital I just moved -- transferred to my external hard drive in a separate folder -- and removed them from something that I would look at often. I didn't want a constant reminder, but I also felt strange getting rid of them permanently. Anything physical I put away in a place I wouldn't have to see it unless I went looking. And I don't. If you don't feel okay about deleting them, I would just do that. You can save them to some other place, and then delete them from your phone. I wouldn't make them easily accessible though...you want to have some time to think before looking through that stuff. Down the line, I've generally been glad I kept things. But looking at them constantly is not helpful to the moving on process.
JaggedRoad Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I deleted all digital media that reminded me of us. Every tangible object has been thrown out as well. My ex got me a sweater last Christmas, and I even threw that out. I don't need items to remind me of her--my mind is enough.
USMCHokie Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I personally can't get rid of things permanently...it'd be like getting rid of pictures of myself as a kid...I know that it's recommended that you get rid of all the evidence of an ended relationship in order to move on, but they are still memories of my life...and damn good ones if I might add...that I'll always cherish...maybe not right now, but further down the road, I'll want to remember the good times... So I'd save and store and let them sit for a while...even if you never rummage through them again, at least you'll have a choice down the road...but that's just my opinion...
Author LuckyYou Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 I have thought about uploading them online but I have a pre-paid phone and there are like 100 pictures it would take forever and cost to much money I just don't think it would be worth it. I think I am just going to delete them. I will wait one more week and if I still feel like its the right thing then I guess I will erase them and no regrets!
Odyssey Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 (edited) I didn't delete anything. Setup a new email. Box up all her gifts, letters (all photos in usb stick and put that in the box too)...in fact anything that reminded me of my ex-gf. Changed her contact on my phone to "Don't Answer". Ignored any temptation to texts, calls, messages, smoke signals... I won't sort it out until i feel i'm totally over her. Which is...uh..right now. But i just can't be bothered to go diving into the garage right now. I probably end up giving most of the rubbish to the charity shop. That reminds me, that cordless drill will be damn useful...(i will have to sort it out at some point). p.s. the only thing you can never really erase are the memories in your head. Edited November 4, 2009 by Odyssey
AliveAndKicking Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Personally I save "the stuff" from past relationships. I just box it up and put it away. One's perspective tends to change with age- now that I'm in middle age I'm glad I "thestuff". I can't tell you the last time I looked through any of that stuff but hey- it was a part of my life for a time therefore it is a part of ME. My suuggestion: Save "the stuff"- you can always dispose of it later. If you dispose of it now and later regret it you will never be able to get it back. Damn stuff anyhow, huh? *grumble grumble*... :-D
USMCHokie Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Hmmm, something came to mind today...what about stuff of yours that they wanted to keep...? I had a USMC sweatshirt that I wore around a lot, and when we had first started dating, she really liked it and started wearing it more and more, until she asked if she could keep it...of course i gave it to her...and then when we broke up, she said she wanted to keep it... Sometimes I wonder, since she found someone new, did she throw it away...? Or throw it in a box that she'll never pull out again? I seriously doubt that she'd still be wearing it around...or maybe she has come to disassociate that article of clothing with me...or maybe I'm being a twit and thinking too much about it... But do you ever wonder what your ex does with your stuff that she keeps?
Author LuckyYou Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Hmmm, something came to mind today...what about stuff of yours that they wanted to keep...? I had a USMC sweatshirt that I wore around a lot, and when we had first started dating, she really liked it and started wearing it more and more, until she asked if she could keep it...of course i gave it to her...and then when we broke up, she said she wanted to keep it... Sometimes I wonder, since she found someone new, did she throw it away...? Or throw it in a box that she'll never pull out again? I seriously doubt that she'd still be wearing it around...or maybe she has come to disassociate that article of clothing with me...or maybe I'm being a twit and thinking too much about it... But do you ever wonder what your ex does with your stuff that she keeps? When my ex and I broke up I asked him if I could keep one of his sweatshirts. I loved the sweatshirt and I wore it more than him anyways. He gave it to me and I still wear it. But its one of those sweatshirts that's just super comfy to me. I don't really think to much about him when i wear it, like I said it was more mine then his when we dated lol. I wont ever throw it out. Maybe if it gets a big stain or something and becomes unwearable then I probably will just toss it.
Author LuckyYou Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Well I deleted the pictures in my phone today! I was listening to music and just grabbed my phone and started deleting away. No regrets. I feel good about it. This was just one more big step forward for me, I kind of feel like a little weight has been lifted off my shoulders. (I did cry a little, but it wasn't really a bad cry..more of a relief. Just letting go of some emotions. Hard to explain. But now I feel calm and content, ready to keep on moving forward...)
almostpassedit Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I don't think its possible to erase memories. I've tried. I did however manage to delete every and all tangiable items. Panties, shirts, pictures, emails, facebook friends, myspace accounts, pictures tagged of us together on friends profile... Mutual friends.... Phone numbers etc.. With all that done, it still wasn't enough and now I am stuck with visuals in my head linked to strong emotions that crop up every now and again and the only way I cope with those visuals is by telling myself "that was the past" and its over now and you don't have to worry anymore because it was all a lie and she was just using you while she found someone else. I've been NC about 600+ days so in another 6 months or so I don't think I will feel the need to make comments or post(s) about the subject so I'm almost there and so are you!
CLC2008 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Sometimes I wish I could erase certain things, but it's not something that I care about anymore. I feel indifferent to it now.
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