LostTrueLove Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I'm 16 and I've dated only one guy. i dated him for a year and I broke up with him a week ago, because I thought he would be happier cause all we did was fight unless we we're together. He would alwys tell me that I was always sitting on the side lines and never would step up. But he was mad cause I would show up to things late and stuff over and over and he really got sick of it. but heres the thing. I have a BIG family and if I want to do something then the whole family has to changes plans so i can follow through with my plans and so things would always change and i'd have to tell my bf that i couldn't do stuff or i wouldn't be late. and he didn't like it. I always told him that it wasn't my fault things just happen and he told me that he knows but he still always said that I was sitting on the side lines. He told me I couldn't dye my hair and put pink, blue or other diff colors and he freaked out and was mad at me for like a week cause i tricked him to believe that i got a lip ring. He would drive me CRAZY telling me what to do. And one night I was feeling really sad and then we started fighting and then i broke up with him. He tried to make me change my mind and tell me he loved me but i was so sad/mad that i told him i was breaking up with him. I hurt so bad but i kept thinking "he will be better with a girl and happier" and then a week later i started msking plans with this guy and he is gunna take me out on a date and i was so happy cause i was gunna date someone diff. but then the next day i felt hurt. i want my bf back. i miss him so much!! Every song I hear It reminds me of him. I try to move on but I always go back to the times me and my ex shared. i hate going to a store cause me and him did crazy stuff there lol. i hate walking on a side walk cause it reminds me when i almost killed him lol, i know that sounds bad but he's still alive lol. I just miss him so much. Everytime I lay to sleep I feel him next to me but when i look over theres no one i miss his smile and his eyes. i miss seeing him happy and jumping around lol. i miss his touch and his kiss. but most of all i just miss him holding me and us talking together. Why cant i get over him? why!? He drives me crazy and tells me what to do and we fight all the time and he has no sence of humor. so why cant i get over him??!?!???
BookerT Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Why? Well there's a hormone in your body called Oxytocin and when you fall in love with someone it fuses strong emotions and feelings to that person. So if you're not with them you will start to feel crap. It's so strong some women will stick to their abusive husbands because of it. You wanted to know why, that's the why.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Why cant i get over him? why!? He drives me crazy and tells me what to do and we fight all the time and he has no sence of humor. so why cant i get over him??!?!??? This is such a sweet post. (if you ever come back to read this) You need to separate the part that is "him" from the part that is "your emotional investment IN him" It is so wonderful to feel yourself giving, and caring, and hoping for good things for the other person. There is nothing wrong with that wonderful will to feel those things, and THAT is what you don't want to walk away from... your emotional investment IN him. The other things you describe, that are actually him, are the reasons why you broke up... in summary, because he wasn't fair enough to you. You need to fall asleep at night understanding that you can and will continue to make those very same emotional investment in males for many years to follow. It will usually feel very good to be caring about someone so much. It took a really mature person to grade him on his actions, and not just stay with him to satisfy your own feeling of wanting to keep sending your emotions in his direction. Much of why you're so into him, is simply because he allowed you to know so many individual details about him. In some ways, relationships are like porn, or like the internet... We are given some teeny-tiny percentage OF a real person, and then our minds thrive on painting (perfection, in the two cases above) into the blank areas. Dating your boyfriend was sort of like a "connect the dots" thing, where you were so happy drawing the lines from dot to dot, and then coloring/painting the previous blank areas, with things you now *knew* about him. You couldn't wait to fill-in more of the puzzle/painting. That is so normal. And you are going to be fine.
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