My wife is cold and downright mean

[tired-and-alone]

I have been married to 19 years and have 3 kids, ages 11, 9 and 8.

For my entire marriage I have never been able to live up to my wife's expectations. We met in a church cult and were married. After several years we realized that it was a cult and left. She treated me with disrespect both in and out of the cult. I used to be deeply religious and did everything I could to be a respectable person, but she would always nag me that I wasn't 'Holy' enough. She pressured me to become a deacon and get more involved even when it was not my desire. It was never enough. I finally left the cult against her desire and it almost ended in divorce. After a year of hell, she finally left, but the dynamics of our relationship never changed.

 

I went off the deep end. I lost all of our savings gambling in the stock market and started doing steroids. I became a selfish jerk because I just was so hurt and didn't care anymore. I became self absorbed.

 

After a nervous breakdown and two weeks in a Phych center because of an attempted suicide, I realized how selfish I was. I did everything in my power to make things right.

 

I have been a straight shooter for the last couple of years, but she is still usually cold and irritable with me. I can never please her. She nit picks even the littlest things I do.

 

We have done several stints of counseling but that has always been a temporary fix. I love her deeply but she can be so cold and nasty that is hurts.

 

I recently tried to quit smoking because I know it annoys her. I lasted two weeks and after a ridiculose fight, I had a smoke. She went off on me and said I did it just to spite her. That hurts. She said she has no sympathy for someone who can't help themself.

 

I am getting depressed and lonely. The coldness hurts so much. I just want a companion who doesn't critisize everything. Someone who loves me for who I am.

 

What can I do.

[soheartbroken]

If you don't get a lot of replies here, try the separation and divorce forum.

 

I would never advocate ending a marriage, because I know how much pain that brings to the one who is left. But it looks like you've been trying really hard.