otherman Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 So, today I met her for a few minutes after work in a location nearby where she lives. We had less than 10 minutes, but we hugged and I gave her a kiss. When we are together everything is good, but when we are apart everything gets bad. This morning she was very upset at me over the whole term limits I tried to impose. She cries and today I told her I knew she had issues I know what they all are even when you don't tell me I know you well, I told her. She replied "My issues are what scare me, what if you don't want me, what if you give up, I wish there was someay to make you not ever leave me, something you could sign like a contract or something".."she went on to say there is nothing that binds you to me what if you leave me or walk away, once I leave him"..I told her I was willing to work through anything that may come around or come up. Just wanted to give an update fto those who have lended a helpful ear. Also for those who write crude responses, it's ok I understand where you are coming from too. Thanks to everyone for the on going support. She keeps telling me she thinks I don't want her or that I think she's not good enough for me, but i tell her she is wrong on both cases all the time. Any advice or feedback? Additionally, she also got upset because I asked her if she ever thought about just letting me tell her husband everything, then maybe he would leave like she has said she has wanted in the past. However, she gets upset if I bring that up. V/R, The Other Man
bentnotbroken Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 It's called manipulation. Get used to it since you have chosen to walk this path. Stop whining and suck it up. It is what it is.
Samantha0905 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 (edited) Stick to your guns with your ultimatum if you feel you must give one. I think her "what if you walk away once I leave him" line is bullcrap. What is she, two years old? If she was to end up with neither of you, I'm sure she could put on her big girl pants and survive. It all sounds like manipulation on her part to avoid making the decision and to keep you hanging on. It sounds like she wants both you and him. Is she sleeping with him now that he's back? That should certainly be unacceptable on your part. Heck, the whole extra-marital thing should be unacceptable on anyone's part -- OW/MM, OM/MW, MM/MW -- it's all bullcrap -- but that admonition is more directed at me than you. It just isn't right and an unhealthy and dishonest way to start a relationship. It shows a lack of character and respect for all involved. I wasn't able to leave my husband for my ex-AP. I'm not proud of how I've treated my husband. It was a low-class lack of integrity thing to do. She could have left her husband. Heck, my husband treats me like a queen. I don't get what the big problem is if she "supposedly" has this husband who treats her like crap. Basically, it boils down to her wanting to be with you or not. I think if she actually wants to, the ultimatum wouldn't have been needed anyway and she would be acting already to head in your direction. In all actuality, I don't think anyone should leave a marriage that way. If she wants out of her marriage, she should get out of it and then pursue another relationship when she's ready. I doubt people who have been married a while are ready psychologically to immediately enter another relationship in a healthy manner -- with themselves happy and whole. It only seems reasonable a time out from such things to regroup would be necessary. Are there children involved? I don't think you should tell her husband anything. Stop offering to do the hard work for her. Make her "woman" up. The best thing you could do is just to tell her you love her and wish her the best. If she is ever completely available, she could always give you a call to see if you are at that point in time. Edited November 4, 2009 by Samantha0905
MizzBlue72 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 OM - you have the right to set the rules in your relationship. If you are uncomfortable with the situation, don't allow her to manipulate you. I wouldn't tell the husband. I know that goes against everyone else on these boards, but I think that telling the spouse is something their spouse who is cheating needs to do.
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