sunrae Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Hi Everyone, I have been seeing a guy for about two months. Due to both our crazy work schedules, things have been going slowly... I have met the parents ect, and thought things were going good until about a week ago. I asked him if he would like to get together this week and he replied back with a " we'll see", which is not a typical responce from him.. I told him, I didnt want to seem pushy, I just wanted to see him, and he said no it's not you I have a lot on my mind right now. I responded back, I will leave it up to him.. I never got a responce back from him... That was on Wed, through text. Finally yesterday, he comes in my office and asked if he could talk to me, I said yes and he shut the door. (we dont work together, but our companies do, do buisness together, he comes into the office, but he has to make a point to come see me) He proceeds to tell me, that he really does like me and I am everything he is looking for, but he has a lot on his mond and he doesnt want me to be the "rebound girl" (he was engagged for 4 years and I'm not sure how long ago they had ended the relationship). He asked me if I would give him sometime to sort things out? I'm so confused as to what I should even think... Please help... Is he being honest? or Being let down easily? Thanks...
Lovegod Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 He's probably being honest. Men usually don't have a reason to lie about stuff like this. Sounds like he cares about you and is worried that he's jumping into a relationship with you a bit prematurely. Give him some time.
Author sunrae Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Thank You Lovegod, I appreciate the reply.
boogieboy Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Its possible that he isnt really that into you, or he could be looking at you and still thinking of his ex. If its the latter, he knows that he wont give you a fair shot, so time will be good for him to get over his ex...but he wont know how long it will take. I know for me that special new face could make me completely forget about an ex, but you might not have been that face for him. But, if its been two months, I dunno, sounds suspicious, he might have met someone else.
Author sunrae Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 I guess only time will tell.... My mind keeps going back and forth, on maybe he does just need time or maybe he has met someone else. When I ask my friends for advise it's split down the middle, those who have met him, say to take him for what he said, he was being honest and give him some time.. My other friends who never met him, say kick him to the curb and move on..
mushmush Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 (edited) In all honesty, don't give him time.. Keep dating, keep busy.. I say that because, if he is being honest the most unhealthy thing you can do is to wait around for him because like you said "My mind keeps going back and forth". If things happen in the future, so be it. But live your life for now. I would definatly say i'm in a similar situation to you. Distant cordiality is the advice i've been given and it's been working. and yes, only time will tell. Edited November 4, 2009 by mushmush
torranceshipman Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Definitely don't give him any time. Be nice, say you understand, but say you are only interested in a guy who is in the right place for a R, else it's all stress and no fun for you...so you will not give him time, and now consider yourself single and will be dating other people, and consider this R over. If you're comfortable being friends, I'd offer this as it is a nice gesture (he might well be being truthful about the rebound thing, and if he isn't, this allows you to exit with dignity either way). Let him see you're no pushover, that he can't just presume you'll hang around (his request to wait around suggests he thinks you'll always be there, which I personally find offensive!) - and let him see you walk away. You are nobody's option, but he is trying to make you into one for himself (unless this was just his was of trying to let you down gently - again, if it is, this approach allows you to exit with dignity). Btw could the ex be messing with his head?
Author sunrae Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Hey torranceshipman, No I'm not going to just sit around and see if he gets his act together. I'm not sure what his ex maybe doing, if anything to him. I was under the impression, that the relationship was well past over, when I entered into this, so I'm really not sure all the details on it. I wanted text him last night and ask about it, but I didnt, I didnt see any point, It wouldnt change anything. If he asked for space that's what I'll give him... If he comes back around good, if not his loss... (but it's so much easier to type than do) I guess I'm just confused on the whole whats a rebound girl, and how do you know that, that is what a girl is...
torranceshipman Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Hi Sunrae, I think the key is to just not question it, as you will never truly know why he said what he said - the key is to exit the situation as it isn't good for you, and to vocalise to him that it's over, and you won't wait. This is because if you give him space you are still letting yourself remain in this whole sitution. leaving the power to him, wondering what he miht or might do...not good for you OR him to think this. In fact you giving him space might actually encourage his flip-flop behavior. If I were you I'd end it, and if he likes you, then rest assured, he won't let that stop him from getting you back in the future if he realizes he made a mistake!-but it will make you more of a catch to him, and more of a person to respect in his eyes, which can only be a good thing.
Author sunrae Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Good Point... If/When he stops by my office, I will make it a point to let him know, it's done on my end. Since we do kind of have to work together I dont want to make things uneasy here at work. He is friends with some of the guys here at work and thats how we met, he keep asking them about me, and that's how we met, so I dont want to make it hard on the guys here at work.... So If or when I talk to him, he will know...
Author sunrae Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 I have seen him three times this week in my office.... Once he pulled in right behind me, ( i got out of my car and walked to a different door than the one he was going in, didnt speak or make eye contact)then one another time he was right behind me, i didnt turn around. and then yesterday, he was in our warehouse talking to people, and I walked in there to get something.. Again I didnt speak, but I thought it was funny, he stopped mid sentance when i walked in, and I grabbed what I needed and walked out.... It's hard, each time, my stomach dropped to my knees... I dont know if I should smile and wave or keep on trucking.
Author sunrae Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 hey Everyone.... Not much has been going on the last few weeks... Just an occasional wave hello and "hi"... Until today, he pops into my office with a gift card to my favorite resturant and a Christams card, that says "Merry Christmas, Happy New Years and Thanks for Everything"... We had nice small talk, and he was gone again.... Confusing.
boogieboy Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 hey Everyone.... Not much has been going on the last few weeks... Just an occasional wave hello and "hi"... Until today, he pops into my office with a gift card to my favorite resturant and a Christams card, that says "Merry Christmas, Happy New Years and Thanks for Everything"... We had nice small talk, and he was gone again.... Confusing. Hmmm, thats not confusing, thats a pretty clear sign.
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