I opened up now think I might be regretting it..

[samspade]

Yo dude, opening up and talking about your feelings to your girlfriend is great, if you want her to start looking for your replacement.

 

There are few bigger turnoffs than being a "sensitive" man and opening up about your feelings. It's totally beta, and no matter what women SAY (their words are meaningless), their vaginas will dry up faster than an oak tree in autumn once you start doing this.

 

This is especially true early on. In LTRs and marriages, you have a little more latitude. For instance, you can discuss your feelings when an immediate family member passes away.

 

Otherwise, be a man, and clam up. Your actions should be enough to convince her of your intentions. Let women swim in emotional high seas.

[ADF]

Been seeing my current gf for like 2 months now...I have developed very strong feelings for her and we have seen a lot of one another over this time span, I feel she could possibly be someone I would like to get very serious with and grow with and see where things go. I decided to kinda come clean with my thoughts and current feelings for her and let her know what my intentions are at this point.

 

She has a bit of a problem with opening up to people and trusting them she said a lot of friends have kinda stuck her in the back over the years and they were supposidly close...I have avoided the issue like the plague, but the other night I could no longer hold in the feelings I have been developing for her came out very nicely and sweet and told her that she is becoming very special to me. I told her if that scares her I am sorry, but I cannot possibly go hold it in any longer. I thought it was a nice gesture and just a small step in what I thought was the direction I want this to be headed. I guess I was expecting a similar response, but i got something a bit different than expected...

 

She told me it was nice to know how I feel and it does scare her a bit. I asked if she was scared of getting hurt, or scared because she might be feeling the same way I am. She said both...She mentioned about her close friends stabbing her in the back and said no offence to you, but how do I know you wont do the same. She doesnt like to open up and doesnt like to feel vulnerable or putting herself at risk of being hurt. After telling her I had no intentions of hurting her and feel I am in this for the right reasons, she countered me by saying no one ever has those intentions but these things happen....I told her I am not going anywhere, and I know what I am capable of and know what I want in life.

 

I have been demolished by a few long term relationships in the past, but I realize that the only way to make it work is to take a chance and put myself out there to either be loved unconditionally or rejected. I just felt I was at a point where there were a few things I needed to say, and she needed to hear...

 

I really kinda regret opening up to her somewhat, but I had to do it and felt it was necessary for my own sanity. But now how do I go about overcoming this obsticle now with this person who I have been building such strong feelings for? How am I ever going to build a loving trusting relationship with her if everytime I try to make a a small step in growing our relationship I feel like I step back. How do I show her I can be trusted?, how can I show her I am worth the risk?

 

You did nothing wrong. This woman is obviously very, very damaged. It sounds like everyone who has ever meant anything to her has stabbed her in the back (whatever that means) and she now focuses on not getting hurt rather than being happy. She needs to recognize what you have: that there is no happiness without risk. Keep in mind it is still very early in your relationship. 2 months is the blink of an eye. You're going to have to wait to see whether she is able to get over her fears and trust you. If she cannot, you may end up paying for other people's crimes. She may be at a point in her life where she needs a conselor more than a BF. Time will tell.

[torranceshipman]

SamSpade, that only works for damaged, emotionally immature girls. For mature, healthy ones...you'll lose them with your advice. I appreciate your rationale but it won't work on a good woman-it'll completely turn her off. Unless, of course, she was born with the brain of a man, in which case she'd think like you and your approach would work. That's not likely though

[threebyfate]

sam, you don't like or understand women. In my experience, the most effective playahs, were the ones who actually liked and understood women, using a combination of words and actions.

 

Take a page from some of the online playahs on LS. You'll see the difference of how they attract and maintain female attention. I'd name a few but that would be against the rules.

Edited November 5, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BG1985]

+1. OP, you're getting a lot of crappy advice from would-be players on here.

 

Having spoken to some girls about guys they've dated in the past, it sounds like would-be players are pretty skilled at using all the right words to make a girl tick. It's a lot easier to show your feelings to a girl through words than action. Anyone can say, "I love you." I never said that having sex with a girl proves your feelings for her. If I did, I misspoke. There is a huge difference between calling a girl at 2:30 am during the weekend for sex then leaving as soon as you're finished and actually spending time with the girl, enjoying yourselves, holding her, and then having sex with her. A guy will not spend that much time with a girl he has no feelings for. A player will just pump her then dump her.

[Lovegod]

SamSpade, that only works for damaged, emotionally immature girls.

 

I have yet to meet an undamaged, emotionally mature woman.

 

if you actually want to BE a hit with the ladies, as opposed to just having other men think you are, then LISTEN to the WOMEN on here

 

I decided to go fishing today. Before I hit the pond, I figured I'd take the general advice on here. "If you want to catch a woman, ask a woman." So, I entered a pet store and asked a fish what the best way would be to catch him. All he did was blow bubbles at me.

 

I went and asked the pet store owner what the best way was to catch a fish. He grabbed a net, cornered the fish against the side of the tank, and the fish swam right in. He gave me a bag of water with the fish in it.

 

The moral of the story is, if you want to know how to catch a certain prey, ask someone who is skilled at catching that prey. Asking the prey is pointless.

[BG1985]

The moral of the story is, if you want to know how to catch a certain prey, ask someone who is skilled at catching that prey. Asking the prey is pointless.

 

If the prey knew how it kept getting snagged, wouldn't it apply that knowledge to real life and avoid getting snagged? I like your analogy. I've said this elsewhere. If you really want to attract women, seek help from any guys you know who are good at attracting women.

[Lovegod]

If the prey knew how it kept getting snagged, wouldn't it apply that knowledge to real life and avoid getting snagged?

 

You'd think that. But look at the women who keep going back to the same abusive men.

[threebyfate]

JL and any other members who might benefit from this thread, I hope you're reading this thread and seeing clearly, what's being expressed. As you can see, you have some wannabe playahs, expressing not only their ineffective techniques with women but also, expressing disdain for women in general.

 

If you're looking for a viable, mature relationship, these aren't the attitudes or methods, to take.

 

If you're looking to pump and dump, low self-esteem women, by all means, listen up.

 

I've come to the conclusion that the guys that are drawn to these techniques and attitudes, leaned this way all along, hence why the "by rote" style of mantras, are such a magnetic draw to certain individuals.

 

Overall, it's been a fascinating read.

[BG1985]

But no, Lovegod, those are just the crazy women who do that! On a more serious note, it sounds like every girl I've ever spoken to has dated at least one jerk in her life. And since only crazy girls date jerks, are all girls crazy by that logic?

[Lovegod]

As you can see, you have some wannabe playahs, expressing not only their ineffective techniques with women but also, expressing disdain for women in general.

 

I really wish I knew WTF you're talking about. What techniques?

 

I speak from hard-learned experience. The communication, the nice words, the romantic gifts, they aren't effective when it comes down to basic attraction. Those things are nice when the relationship is going well, but it's all useless and wasted if it's used to establish the relationship.

 

You may enjoy living in your Danielle Steele world of romance, but I prefer to acknowledge how the real world works, and position myself in it to be more successful than the flower-buying poetry-writing schmo's out there.

[threebyfate]

I really wish I knew WTF you're talking about. What techniques?

 

I speak from hard-learned experience. The communication, the nice words, the romantic gifts, they aren't effective when it comes down to basic attraction. Those things are nice when the relationship is going well, but it's all useless and wasted if it's used to establish the relationship.

 

You may enjoy living in your Danielle Steele world of romance, but I prefer to acknowledge how the real world works, and position myself in it to be more successful than the flower-buying poetry-writing schmo's out there.

It's really easy to play the jaded cynic. Life ain't so rough unless you personally make it so, by making all the wrong choices.

 

If your past is full of crazy, low self-esteem women, you have yourself to blame, for picking them. Ask yourself why you're drawn to nutbars...

 

You and the other, are blatantly from another site, living a mantra that only you understand. If you believe your mantra will "help" these guys, try again. If anything, passing your attitudes to others, will just create more nutbar chaser.

[BG1985]

Threebyfate, you just don't get the message I'm trying to convey. This guy has been dating his girlfriend for all of TWO MONTHS. That is way too early to be telling a girl that. It probably startled her because she figured he was spilling his feelings for the wrong reason. Whenever I talk to lady friends or my sister about the so-called jerks/players they dated, they all give me the same answer: That guy was very charming and knew all the right things to say. If this girl had been burned by a player in the past who spoke words of pure gold to her, there was a chance she could see the same scenario playing out all over again.

[Lovegod]

If your past is full of crazy, low self-esteem women, you have yourself to blame, for picking them. Ask yourself why you're drawn to nutbars...

 

All women are damaged in some way or form. Some are controlling, some are flakey, some are man-haters, some have been through trauma, and the list keeps going on. I've dated enough women to know that none of them are the perfect princess. If I were to wait for the perfect princess, I'd be making love to my hand every night. Instead, I'll take the least damaged ones I can find.

 

You and the other, are blatantly from another site, living a mantra that only you understand.

 

Woman, the mantra that I understand is again from experience. I don't know who the other guy is, but did you ever stop to think that maybe he ALSO has some experience under his belt?

 

Your advice on saying romantic things and asking women for dating advice sounds good. But when you actually go out and apply it, it doesn't work. I can't lie to the others on here.

 

Also, if your advice is genuinely good, I'd like to know how many women YOU'VE been able to attract by following it. I can give you my number: ZERO. However, I did make some female friends, but that's not what I wanted.

[threebyfate]

Threebyfate, you just don't get the message I'm trying to convey. This guy has been dating his girlfriend for all of TWO MONTHS. That is way too early to be telling a girl that. It probably startled her because she figured he was spilling his feelings for the wrong reason. Whenever I talk to lady friends or my sister about the so-called jerks/players they dated, they all give me the same answer: That guy was very charming and knew all the right things to say. If this girl had been burned by a player in the past who spoke words of pure gold to her, there was a chance she could see the same scenario playing out all over again.

You haven't read what JL wrote, did you? Read it and understand it.

 

Torrance, that is exctly what I am trying to do is set myself apart from the others she has dated and I feel I have been doing a fairly good job.

 

This wasnt a situation where I felt I was gushing to her. I just dropped a few quick lines found out about a few of her insecurities and that was it. It was more like just letting her know hey Im here because I like you and yes you are becoming special to me.

[threebyfate]

All women are damaged in some way or form. Some are controlling, some are flakey, some are man-haters, some have been through trauma, and the list keeps going on. I've dated enough women to know that none of them are the perfect princess. If I were to wait for the perfect princess, I'd be making love to my hand every night. Instead, I'll take the least damaged ones I can find.

See, as I said, it's all about who you're attracted to. Why are you drawn to women like this? Maybe it's time for some introspection.

Woman, the mantra that I understand is again from experience. I don't know who the other guy is, but did you ever stop to think that maybe he ALSO has some experience under his belt?

 

Your advice on saying romantic things and asking women for dating advice sounds good. But when you actually go out and apply it, it doesn't work. I can't lie to the others on here.

 

Also, if your advice is genuinely good, I'd like to know how many women YOU'VE been able to attract by following it. I can give you my number: ZERO. However, I did make some female friends, but that's not what I wanted.

As a woman who's surrounded by viable long-term relationships, also being in one, being a woman, talking to women, understanding women, I can tell you point blank, that your attitudes and methodology, will only work on low self-esteem drama queens, the type to hit and run.

 

If that's all you want, then more power to you and keep on, keeping on. PUA techniques and misogynistic attitudes, will only get you the bottom of the barrel.

[Lovegod]

Why are you drawn to women like this? Maybe it's time for some introspection.

 

Women like what? You didn't specify any particular personality trait.

 

It's really nice that you're trying to be my therapist, but please don't bother. I've dated women who have tried doing that with me and all it did was piss me off.

[threebyfate]

Women like what? You didn't specify any particular personality trait.

All the negative ones you previously mentioned. My apologies if it required more explanation than given.

 

It's really nice that you're trying to be my therapist, but please don't bother. I've dated women who have tried doing that with me and all it did was piss me off.

I don't really care about pissing you off or not. But if multiple women have all felt you need help, particularly the women you know in real life, it's very probable that you do need it.

 

Anyways, we're going off-topic now, thus the focus should be on JL and how to handle his particular situation, which isn't comprised of either you, I or the women you've banged and run from.

 

JL, my take is that you're doing a great job with a difficult situation. Good luck and update us, as to what's going on, regardless of outcome. She sounds like someone on the fence, so we'll see which side she falls on. It's also sincerely nice to see a man who understands women better.

[BG1985]

The fact of the matter is that we still don't know exactly what went on, or maybe I'm too lazy to go back and re-read everything. But as the facts seemingly read, the OP and his girl were having a romantic moment, and he thought he'd spice things up by baring his soul and gauging her feelings. This obviously spooked her, and the OP could instantly sense this and regret it. He said himself he was looking for a different response from what he got. It's just that doing something like this two months into a relationship can come off as needy. And I don't think this girl is a commitment-phobe for not having fallen head over heels for this guy after two months.

[Lovegod]

But if multiple women have all felt you need help, particularly the women you know in real life, it's very probable that you do need it.

 

But by your definition, the women I've dated are all damaged. Why would I take advice from a damaged woman?

 

Anyways, we're going off-topic now

 

Awww, and you still haven't told me how many women you've picked up

[Rudderless]

If the prey knew how it kept getting snagged, wouldn't it apply that knowledge to real life and avoid getting snagged? I like your analogy. I've said this elsewhere. If you really want to attract women, seek help from any guys you know who are good at attracting women.

 

Actually, this thread isn't about attracting women it's about keeping them.

 

So using your analogy if you really want to keep women, seek help from any guys you know who are good at keep women.

.

 

Lovegod, how you doing on that?

[Lovegod]

So using your analogy if you really want to keep women, seek help from any guys you know who are good at keep women.

 

Lovegod, how you doing on that?

 

A seven year streak is pretty good, I'd say.

[Rudderless]

A seven year streak is pretty good, I'd say.

It is actually. I'm a little surprised with that response though after you said you've never met an undamaged emotionally mature women. Not my experience.

[Lovegod]

It is actually. I'm a little surprised with that response though after you said you've never met an undamaged emotionally mature women. Not my experience.

 

She's probably one of the LEAST damaged women that I've met. However, she does have her problems. They're mostly non-typical for women, but they certainly exist.

[threebyfate]

More externalising, of internal damage.

 

If an entire gender is damaged and you're the only one who's sane, that's an indication of some megalomania tendencies...