Jump to content

For those in pain: Positive thoughts/ my "lightbulb" moment

ecm

By ecm
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

ecm Established Member

ecm

Posted
Posted

A few summers ago, I was severely depressed about my ex. (the same ex who became an ex again in Sept, when I found LS online) Anyway, I remember lying around, moping, crying, doing what many would probably call "normal" post-breakup things. I mean this "fabulous" guy who ripped my heart out WAS the love of my life, right? I thought he was the one, and I'm not getting any younger, so this breakup was pretty bad. (I guess I shoud say the multiple breakups...d*ck)

 

I have a little sister who is 13 years old. I'm 35, and I think she was probably 9 at the time. She lives in Arizona and comes to NY every summer to stay with me (and the rest of ourt family). One night, we were just lounging around watching movies. I was depressed about my ex, so I wasn't too much fun. I mean, there is nothing wrong with watching movies, but I only have her for the summer, ya know?! I realized how selfish I was being and asked her "do you want to go shopping or something? ".Duh- stupid question , right? I mean, she IS a girl and she is MY SISITER! :) Obviously, she said yes.

 

As we walked around the mall, we were trying to think of something to buy- like a craft or something we could buy to do together. I saw this one thing and said "well, we could get thaaaat if you want. But, are you too old for that??" I will remember the look on her face and what she said to me for the rest of my life. She said "I'm not too old for anything, sissy." At that moment I realized just HOW selfish I was for moping around and not giving her 100%. How could I not spend every minute of that summer trying to make her time with me FABULOUS? And I don't mean materail things, I mean quality, sister time.

 

So, fast forward to earlier today. I'm emailing my friend (who I met on here). We have similar stories. Inother words, our exes are both d*cks, and we talk about what's going on etc. So, I brought up the story about my sister. Then I told her. Actually, i'm gonna go put that on LS right now. :)

 

So, what's my point?

 

Whatever your situation, whatever reason you are hurting, think about what you're doing. Obviously, we hurt and there are so may different ways we deal with our pain. But if you are hurting over someone who didn't give the 100% that you did, think about it! That time you spend crying, moping or whatever you're doing could be time spent with people who DO give you 100%. I dont' know about you guys, but I have a wonderfula family and the best freinds in the world. I know I only have a limited time on earth to show them how much I love them. Why waste even ONE of those moments sitting home and crying about someone who doesn't DESERVE you? What if that were the last time you ever got to see that person??? Think about it. It is honestly what's helping me get over my ex. He doesn't deserve my time. The people that TRULY love me are the ones who get my time. Think about those people who ARE THERE for you. You'll get over your ex. If it's meant to be it will be, But in the mean time, live your life with no regrets and soend it with people who matter. :) xo

someguyonthenet Member

someguyonthenet

Posted
Posted

ohh if u were only in Cali..lol..good day!

  • Author
ecm Established Member

ecm

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hmmmm. Tempting, as it's pretty cold in NY right now. :)

name witheld Established Member

name witheld

Posted
Posted

what if the other person gave 150% but you only gave 50%?

 

does that mean you get the right to mope!

bluestraps Established Member

bluestraps

Posted
Posted

Good Advice. I can say there are many positive messages on this site, yours included. Maybe someday I can feel that way too. Thanks

trueblue72ny Established Member

trueblue72ny

Posted
Posted

good post ecm. it is a huge relief when the lightbulb goes off and you realize the spell has been broken over the ex. i did the same thing as you when i got my heart broken into pieces, sat around depressed all the time. took me about a year of my own personal living hell. than when i slowly startd getting out again, i realized, there are people out there who really are intersted in me! who will give me the 100% i deserve. not just 50%. or 25%. or even less.

now i work with my ex gf (total d*ck). so i have to see her around. she will disppear and then pop back into my life out of the blue, like its all cool again and we are supposed to be buddies. that confused me for quite some time. it extended my misery. now that my lightbulb finally went off, i dont plan on falling for that again. why should i waste one more minute of my time, that i can never get back, on someone who just wants to play games! it is a total waste of my time! period.

  • Author
ecm Established Member

ecm

Posted
  • Author
Posted
what if the other person gave 150% but you only gave 50%?

 

does that mean you get the right to mope!

 

Yes, of course you do! :) Everyone has the RIGHT to mope...but look a the question you asked. You gave 150, the other person gave 50. Why, why, why would we mope about THAT?

 

ps don't get me wrong, I have moped all over town. I just hope for future moping frenzies, I'll be moping over NEW mistakes ;)

  • Author
ecm Established Member

ecm

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Good Advice. I can say there are many positive messages on this site, yours included. Maybe someday I can feel that way too. Thanks

 

You will. I didn't think I would either. Look at al the crappy things going on in the world! People are dealing with way worse, ya know? :) And when you get back to feeling :) you'll (hopefully) learn what NOT to do next time. :)

  • Author
ecm Established Member

ecm

Posted
  • Author
Posted
good post ecm. it is a huge relief when the lightbulb goes off and you realize the spell has been broken over the ex. i did the same thing as you when i got my heart broken into pieces, sat around depressed all the time. took me about a year of my own personal living hell. than when i slowly startd getting out again, i realized, there are people out there who really are intersted in me! who will give me the 100% i deserve. not just 50%. or 25%. or even less.

now i work with my ex gf (total d*ck). so i have to see her around. she will disppear and then pop back into my life out of the blue, like its all cool again and we are supposed to be buddies. that confused me for quite some time. it extended my misery. now that my lightbulb finally went off, i dont plan on falling for that again. why should i waste one more minute of my time, that i can never get back, on someone who just wants to play games! it is a total waste of my time! period.

 

The real moment of "haha" will be when she realizes that YOU were the catch, not her. ha ha ha ha. And its too late now!

anne1 Member

anne1

Posted
Posted

I am giving 100% most of the time now I am trying you know. You were right, have done loads with the family and i do feel better about me. :lmao: Although i have to be honest i haven't shaved my legs for a week cos i can't be bothered cos when its me alone time his ghost lingers.

  • Author
ecm Established Member

ecm

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I am giving 100% most of the time now I am trying you know. You were right, have done loads with the family and i do feel better about me. :lmao: Although i have to be honest i haven't shaved my legs for a week cos i can't be bothered cos when its me alone time his ghost lingers.

 

well, then let your hair grow so long that his ghost will stay far, far away. :)

nobleguy Established Member

nobleguy

Posted
Posted
Why waste even ONE of those moments sitting home and crying about someone who doesn't DESERVE you? What if that were the last time you ever got to see that person??? Think about it. It is honestly what's helping me get over my ex. He doesn't deserve my time. The people that TRULY love me are the ones who get my time. Think about those people who ARE THERE for you. You'll get over your ex.

 

Definitely. My ex told me an horrific lie last week in between announcing she wants the kids to meet her new man on Monday (they have been going out 3 weeks, split up on Thursday and are back together again... :eek:) and that was my light bulb moment. I realised this girl I loved was not the same person anymore, she has no feelings for my wellbeing and she certainly doesn't care that I wanted her back.

 

And suddenly I feel that much better. I don't know how long it will last and I know that there will still be tears in the near future, but I'm going to try and keep them to a minimum and try to look forward. For the first time I looked forward to Xmas without her (she is letting me take the kids to my mum's for four days :cool:) and just enjoying my time with my little ones and my family. I also know how much she will sit there crying over not having the kids with her, so that's just an added (petty...) bonus...

 

As you say, she doesn't deserve me wasting my life pining after her.

anne1 Member

anne1

Posted
Posted

Well am feeling like a gorrilla right now, gonna have to do something Lol. Al's birthday tomorrow so 100% mum

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...