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New BF confessed to cheating on his Ex Wife


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Posted

I've been dating this older guy (he's 36, I'm 29) for a few months now. After a discussion one night, I asked him why he was divorced. He said that he messed up and he cheated on her. Now, his daughter was a year and a half when it happened. They tried to make it work for over a year after that, but it didnt work out. I'm glad that he was truthful with me, but still the whole cheating thing scares me a bit. What are other peoples' opinion on dating someone who has cheated on their ex spouse ex gf/bf? Would you do it, and have you good relationships with people who have done this? This is new to me, and would appreciate feedback.

Posted

I suppose for me it would depend on the manner of the cheating so to speak.

 

I mean, if it was a drunken one night thing, done long ago while the person was young and foolish, and ultimately regretted it and learned from their mistake, then i wouldnt be too afraid that it would happen again, as I believe people are allowed to make mistakes, and as long as they learn from them thats just how life it.

 

I personally did cheat many years ago, and the relationship I was in did end. Not 100% because of that but it was a very complicated relationship, it was a factor though.

But I am now happily married to a man I have never cheated on, and would never cheat on. and I can totally honestly say that.

 

But if the fella had had a long affair, premeditated type thing, involving lots of lying and planning, then I suppose that would make me more worried.

But even then, people do make mistakes that allow then NOT to behave in that way later on in life.

 

so generally I dont think people should be judged too much on the life they had before you, only by how they treat you now.

I may get argued with for that comment, but how many of us have made mistakes?

how awful would it be to be judged by them forever?

Posted

I would assume that he learned something important about honesty and relationships having lost his previous marriage because of his dishonesty and betrayal.

 

And thats fair, its a good lesson to learn.

 

But also: I would tell him to make no mistake, dishonesty, betrayal, and infidelity are deal breakers without chance for discussion.

 

I would take a slightly harder line with him on this subject simply because even if he has learned his lesson....he was capable of performing the deed to begin with. Of that, he still is.

Posted

I think it depends on YOUR comfort level and how you choose to deal with this information. He cannot change the past. If you can live with this information, you just have to let it be and move forward. If you can't, then it will be a problem in your relationship.

 

Personally, it would be a very hard thing to let go of. I really, really hate cheaters, but I also know -- though it's very rare -- people can change and learn from their mistakes.

 

I would also take a good look at his other character traits: is he kind and respectful to people, does he keep his word, is he a responsible person, is he considerate?

Posted

I am getting a divorce because my wife cheated.

I would not be able to get serious with another woman if I knew she had cheated.

 

And i'm talking about the man she was with still thought they were in a relationship with an expectation of faithfulness.

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