RedDevil66 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Unless they also have kids, then there would be an understanding. I think it must be hard for a parent to date a non-parent, for this reason. It's very hard. If I had to do it all over, I would NEVER date anyone with kids again. Well unless the kids were in their 20's
angie2443 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 That is not anywhere near what I said. How about I put it to you like this... I see a bunch of my friends who just had kids... and their wives are so focused on the baby, that the marriage is starting to struggle.. When the children are young, they need the parents 100%. There is no way around this. The marriages that you see strugle here need the father to be more involved. You are not a good person to date a mother with young children. You need to stick to women without children and grow up a bit before you plan to have children of your own.
alphamale Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I just get sad when a kid says something like "are you my new daddy?" with an indifferent look on your face you should just say "no, i'm just banging your mother..."
gypsy_nicky Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 with an indifferent look on your face you should just say "no, i'm just banging your mother..." har har har.......
flc Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 It is even more complicated when you both have kids, depending on their ages. Bottom line is the kids always come first and you have to juggle a lot to make things work. Even now my daughter is 16yo and my GF's kids are older with the youngest being 18you in college we still juggle. When my daughter is out of school she ends up at her mothers but at the same time her daughter is home with her so we are never in a position that we can just take off for a week alone, that is just the way it is.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 When the children are young, they need the parents 100%. There is no way around this. The marriages that you see strugle here need the father to be more involved. You are not a good person to date a mother with young children. You need to stick to women without children and grow up a bit before you plan to have children of your own. So, your saying this is just an issue with my maturity level? Do you think I should call this woman and ask her out on another date? I suppose maybe she was just having a bad day. Usually when someone goes on a first date a talks excessively about a previous relationship... it often means they are not over it. Right?
angie2443 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 So, your saying this is just an issue with my maturity level? Do you think I should call this woman and ask her out on another date? I suppose maybe she was just having a bad day. Usually when someone goes on a first date a talks excessively about a previous relationship... it often means they are not over it. Right? I think you should just date women without children. This would be the best for everyone involved here.
CaliGuy Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 So, Yeah last night sucked. Again. I've been on a string of fairly bad dates the last month. For some odd reason they have all been single moms. Now, I've had a few long term relationships with single moms, so I know this is probably just a random streak. It really doesn't feel like it though. Here is what has me irritated at the moment. If your last BF was an super abusive ahole... why have kids with him? Why is scheduling a date like pulling teeth? It bugs the crap out of me to be sneaking out of a bedroom at 4am so the kids don't see me! Why have 3 kids with 4 different guys? I just get sad when a kid says something like "are you my new daddy?" I don't like paying for a babysitter when I didn't get a chance to negotiate the price! Why does my offer to pay for that mean it's going to cost $150! Finally, if your kids are your whole life... Why bother dating at all? I'm not looking to be something special right off the bat... but I'm not going to permanently be second place to another guys kids. I understand what you mean. Been through this myself lately and it's no fun. I understand as a single mom the kids should be her priority which means as a man, you will have to accept being second place in her life. That is the deal when you date single moms. I don't think it's all that bad but I have seen them use the kids to their advantage. I prefer single, no kids myself. Nothing wrong with dating single moms as long as you are aware of the difficulties that can present themselves. And I do think a single mom who really likes you will figure out how to balance things out.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 I think you should just date women without children. This would be the best for everyone involved here. You do realize it's hard to find women in their late 20's early 30's without kids? Before you even suggest it... I'm not into teens.
whitburn1986 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Although I'm not that active here, I'd add my 0.02 cents to this... I had an unfortunate knack for attracting single mums a few years ago. Why it happens, well, I don't know...
65tr6 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I just get sad when a kid says something like "are you my new daddy?" that is very sad indeed. I think you should set ground rules and follow them such as dont go to their house, have them find a baby sitter or something.
canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Yeah, this is just me ranting a little. The date last night was just aweful. She spent a good 15 minutes going off about her baby-daddy. Sent her meal back because it wasn't cooked to her liking... ect. When I dropped her off and way overpaid the babysitter, she invited me to stay for a bit, but I was so just... ugh... I kissed her on the cheek and went home. Maybe you should have taken the babysitter for a romp then, sounds like you spent more on the babysitter than the rest of the date. Lol Babysitter was probably cuter too, and no kids. ahaha
phineas Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Usually when someone goes on a first date a talks excessively about a previous relationship... it often means they are not over it. Right? Or, the dude is a complete jerk & making her life difficult / leaving her hanging without any help raising the kids whatsoever. My personal experiance & observations of other's, the single mom's I know or dated or my friends dated that don't exhibit the burning hatred of a thousands suns for their ex usually wind up going back to them for at least a short while & completly screwing up a good thing they had going on with a decent guy. Once I hear "were still friends" or something to that affect IF the dude cheated or left her high & dry I usally bolt. Anyone that can say their friends with an ex that crapped on them has serious issues in my own opinion.
canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 ive dated a couple single moms and the inherent problem with the points you've raised is this.. often they are desperate to find a "daddy" for their kids in their household. i can see why they only want a normal life for their kids. so they introduce you to the kids right off the bat to see if you can handle it and play daddy. its kind of an aphrodesiac for them if your really good with the kids. thats how you turn a single mom into a nympho, at least temporarily. honestly though i've had a single mom introduce me to her two twin boys and take me on a 'date' to crash crawly's kids fun house, when I went out for a smoke she thought that I had run away. its a test mostly I think. although after playing stepdaddy for a chick who had four kids from three fathers I learned my lesson... no more single moms. if you get attached to the kids at all you realize how truly important it is that the kids are raised right from the start in my case the 7 year old was a little talking back brat theif who never learned how to even sit at the table properly.. destroyed four of my chairs on my dining room table set how I still dont entirely understand... he was 2 years behind in his reading and his math which had nothing to do with his ability I managed to get him caught up to only a year behind in three months.. he had never learned manners and her two 18 month old twins had no concept of discipline at all, it was amazing how when mum fed them every peice of food they were given ended up on the floor in a five foot radius of the high chairs but when mum was asleep and I fed them they ate like civilized kids. I want to have kids one day and I thought that it might be a nice shortcut to just grab a girl who already had the kids... never again... not only do you have to hope to god that her and the previous guy raised them somewhat properly (which in a lot of cases ISNT the case which is why theyre not together anymore, one way or the other) and then you still have to deal with daddy lingering around. To boot they're expensive and single moms always need some helping hand$. I'm not saying it can't work, but IMO, dating single moms for me now is only going to go one way: I dont want to even see or meet your kids until we've been together for a year; no offense lady but theyre not my kids and I'm not about to make them mine until I'm crystal clear about you. *sorry if I'm a bit jaded it comes from bad experiences
Chicago_Guy Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 So, Yeah last night sucked. Again. I've been on a string of fairly bad dates the last month. For some odd reason they have all been single moms. Now, I've had a few long term relationships with single moms, so I know this is probably just a random streak. It really doesn't feel like it though. Here is what has me irritated at the moment. If your last BF was an super abusive ahole... why have kids with him? Why is scheduling a date like pulling teeth? It bugs the crap out of me to be sneaking out of a bedroom at 4am so the kids don't see me! Why have 3 kids with 4 different guys? I just get sad when a kid says something like "are you my new daddy?" I don't like paying for a babysitter when I didn't get a chance to negotiate the price! Why does my offer to pay for that mean it's going to cost $150! Finally, if your kids are your whole life... Why bother dating at all? I'm not looking to be something special right off the bat... but I'm not going to permanently be second place to another guys kids. The bigger question is why would you even waste your time dating a woman who has 3 kids with 4 different men? Also, why should you have to pay for the babysitter? There's plenty of available women who don't have kids.
canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 The bigger question is why would you even waste your time dating a woman who has 3 kids with 4 different men? I'm surprised nobody has bothered to note that there's something awful with the math of a woman who somehow has had 3 kids with 4 different men. Did it take two guys to conceive one of them? Kind of like the movie Twins? Lol I think the OP meant it the other way around.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Maybe you should have taken the babysitter for a romp then, sounds like you spent more on the babysitter than the rest of the date. Lol Babysitter was probably cuter too, and no kids. ahaha No, the babysitter was the daughter of her work colleagues. She was too young 16, and too big 200lbs + for my taste.
canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 No, the babysitter was the daughter of her work colleagues. She was too young 16, and too big 200lbs + for my taste. lol well it was worth asking... lol I bet if she was 18 and 110 you'd have gone for it. lol :-D
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 lol well it was worth asking... lol I bet if she was 18 and 110 you'd have gone for it. lol :-D I just turned 30... and honestly, I would really struggle to date someone 18... I try to put a cut-off at 22 or 23. Those girls just look like little kids to me now. I'm so old. Seriously though... Why are there so many single moms?
canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I just turned 30... and honestly, I would really struggle to date someone 18... I try to put a cut-off at 22 or 23. Those girls just look like little kids to me now. I'm so old. Seriously though... Why are there so many single moms? lol i'd do an 18 year old.. if they can vote they can poke... lol I dont know about dating one though that would be kind of awful I dont know why there's so many single moms but I hear you on that one I'd chalk it up to the post-feministic era. Women these days seem to not want to work hard to make a relationship work, everything is disposeable. Plus child support arragements are so favorable (at least in my jurisdiction) that a woman can actually make a profit on the support payments and with the government collecting for them, they dont need a lawyer or anything. Why put up with daddy when you can make him pay more for his kids without him than he'd spend when on them being a full time father? Plus the woman can decide when how where to spend money and we all know women like to do that. :-D I dont know.. i was raised that if you have a kid with someone you stick it through unless it's an absolutely disastrous abusive relationship, for the sake of the kids if not anything else. I had a scare once myself and I had the girl move in with me and I was ready to raise the kid. I can't imagine that all these single moms are the product of a father who just said, screw it I dont want to know my kid just take my money and go away... there must be other forces at work
betamanlet Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I just turned 30... and honestly, I would really struggle to date someone 18... I try to put a cut-off at 22 or 23. Those girls just look like little kids to me now. I'm so old. Seriously though... Why are there so many single moms? I know no shortage of 35 year old women who act like 16 year old girls. 50 years from now you're going to have 85 year old women with giant sunglasses and dogs in their designer handbags and sex videos of every single female political candidate.
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