I want my ex girlfriend back.

[RadR]

We are both in college. My girlfriend is a muslim from a conservative family and im a hindu from a traditional but easy going family.

we had been dating for almost two years. It was a very good relationship except that for the last one year we fought a lot everytime we spoke on the phone. but the time we spent together was simply awesome. by her own admission i know thats a mutual feeling.

 

but this summer when we were apart from each other at our respective homes she started neglecting me. everytime we spoke abt it we had a fight. she said that i depressed her by questioning her and she couldnt enjoy the lil time she had with her family. she also said that she felt guilty abt this relationship since her parents obv wouldnt approve and her religion forbade it.at the end of the summer she broke up with me. but we talked abt it once we got back to college and she got back with me.

 

after this things between us were good. however my girlfrined slipped into depression because her relatipnships with her sister and close friends were deteriorating. If you ask me this is only because my girlfriend is nice to the point of being a pushover. shes always helpful and nice to people. other people obv arent.anyways she was very depressed abt this and i obv wanted to help her out.and things between us were good. we werent really concentrating on taking the relatioship to another level but things were good as they were.

 

then the day before the semester break she broke up with me saying she wants her life back, she wants to be independent.well i figured she felt that i was the one holding her back and she just needed some space, so i agreed to the break up.

 

since then weve been back, its been around two weeks. she dint even call me after getting back. so i asked her to meet me. when we did meet she went berserk. she told me she dint care for me. that she was very happy with her life as it was and that if i couldnt deal with it that was my problem!!i tried talking to her but there was way too much angst in her for me to succeed. i called her the next day and she said she was trying to be independant and she couldnt do it with me.she said i was the only one she had uptil then but that now she doesnt even want that...

 

i felt too insulted then and we havent spoken since then. her best friend whos also a very good friend of mine tells me she doesnt ever mention me and keeps herself busy with stuff. i really like her and i want to get back with her.

 

id like to make it clear that shes actually a very loving and caring person and shes not a bad person.

 

so how can i get back with her?i dont mind givin her time and space, as much as she needs of either. but what really hurts is her telling me that she doesnt care abt me anymore.

 

also we dont plan to get married, basically she cant marry me cos of her religion. and thats ok by me. i figured we were having a good time with each other so why stop right now.

 

sometimes i feel cheated and used.but then i know shed never do that to me wilingly so that calms me down. i just want her to know i like her a lot and i wanna us to be there for each other.

 

do you guys think theres anyway for me to get her back?or should i just give up and move on?I dont mean to brag but i am kinda popular amongst the girls in my college. so i could just go in for a rebound but i dont want to. i eaither want my girlfriend back or else i just wanna stay single.

 

please help me out guys

[Ronni_W]

It was a mutual relationship. You BOTH knew it would not end in marriage. Therefore, you were NOT "cheated and used" --OR-- *if* YOU were "cheated and used"...then SO WAS SHE. Fair enough? Stop telling yourself things that will make you feel like a victim. You KNEW the score on this relationship; you are NOT a victim of it; the girl is not your persecutor.

 

The relationship has run its' course, and she got to the 'finish line' before you did. You both knew this was not going to last, and there is no reason or purpose to now try turning it into something it never was. It is over, is the reality for both of you. Yes, she decided on the timing but you are held to her decision...that's how it works. She is done. SHE told you this, and it is just left for you to respect and honour her words.

 

Yes, it is difficult. It hurts and it sucks. Relationship endings are like that.

Sending hugs and healing.

[RadR]

hey ronni,

thanks alot for your time.

 

what you said has gone through my mind a million times. and as i said i dont really feel cheated or used. im not vitimizing myself. that was just my initial reaction to, well, as you said her reaching the finish line before me. youre right we both knew this wasnt gonna end in marriage. and frankly speaking we dint ever really wanna get married. i mean we understood the complexities in doing that and we always kept the relationship casual to that point. there really wasnt any pressure from either one of us on the other to get married to each other.it was always off the table.

 

it was a wonderful relationship until the summer. and even after that when we got back together. but things just changed once my girlfriend slipped into depression. during the depression she never mentioned the issues i spoke of before. thats why im perplexed. im not an overbearing guy or a very possessive boyfriend so the whole bit abt getting her life back doesnt make sense to me. maybe there was a communication gap that i still cant see.

 

anyways i am going to give her all the time and space she needs. but i do like her a lot so im not gonna give up on her so easily. im just gonna wait it out and but somehow, maybe thru a letter or an email, let her know that im there for her even now and see how it plays out.

 

thanks again.

 

id appreciate anyone else insight into this. talking this out here really gives me strength to wait:P...thanks guys

[darkgold]

S**t one of my bf's was Sikh and I would've married him (Muslim sinful girl alert!!) Muslim's drink alki, brush domestic violence under the carpet and the boys experiment with all sorts of girls before breaking someone else's heart by saying they wanna marry their virgin cousin and yet we can't even seem to cross the line when it comes to learning to appreciate fully sharing lives with people of other faiths. How far we have regressed.

 

Anyway, she has made it clear that she no longer wants to see you. If she's expecting the chasing game by all means be there for her but don't chase, and I don't think she's going to do that as she seems like a lady who knows what she wants, despite you saying that she's on the passive side. Don't waste your time on her : i know a lot of people have told you that, but you're giving the image of a little lost boy who's baloon's floated away to other pastures (greener or non, who cares? It's gone) I've said this before-if it makes you feel better, change your number, that way her expected call won't get thru. Just leave her be, lots of other ladies need someone as caring and loving as you who for once, can see the better charecteristics of his partner (unlike the jerks I've been with). So she's kind and loving, but sorry, not with you. Remember her like that and leave, it'll make your concience and heart a little clearer and make you the positive (and better) person.

[GrayClouds]

Read the following, and do what it says it is your best chance:

 

So you want a second chance?