SummerLady Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Everyone argues about something, small things, big things, whatever. My boyfriend has a style I am not use to and not sure how to deal with it. He will get mad and vent and then moments later say sorry. Problem is I feel he gets mad at me for things that are out of my control. We never fight about us or the relationship but here and there fight about stupid stuff, like the internet is down. He will get frustrated, say hey did you touch the computer or something and he will take it out on me. This does not happen a lot, I would say twice a month but I see a pattern. I know we sometimes take our stress out on the ones we are closer to but this annoys me. I may be a tad sensitive but if your going be mad at me please be mad at me for something I have done directly. Not crap I can't control. This is weird to me. Anyone deal with this or have a suggestion. I get upset as a result so maybe I am feeding into it and making it worse, not sure?? Thoughts??
TaraMaiden Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Breathe, and remain calm. The temptation when someone 'goes on the attack' is to dig our heels in, brace ourselves and retaliate. This is natural. It's an instinct to survive, through self-defence. developping a passive nature - without meaning to be controlling - helps to diffuse a situation. The moment you recognise that there is an attack which is not justified, take a deep breath, smile, (even if it's inwardly) and simply reply that you're afraid you don't know anything about it. Their termper and anger is their problem. If he apologises afterwards, he knows it's unreasonable. Accept the apology, and point out that the anger is irrational - perhaps it would be best to decide why he's angry, then think about whether mnifesting that anger is really appropriate....?
Malenfant Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 in my experience, the worst arguments seem to start from the stupidest of things. me and my H dont argue much at all, but when we do its usually over silly things, and we always apologize afterwards and they only last 15 mins tops. the important things like money etc. are dealt with by proper conversations. i think your BF just gets frustrated over stuff and as you are the only one there, you get the brunt of it. its not nice but just how some people are. It generally depends on how the other partner deals with it as to whether it ends up being a blazing row. not saying you should put up with someone being downright nasty, but letting it go over your head will diffuse it quite quickly. if they dont let it lie, or are actually abusive rather than letting off steam thats when it becomes a major issue, but ultimately only you know if its something thats uncalled for and not something you can live with. believe it or not one of the worst arguments i ever had with an ex started over whether blackberries are actually black or not. he was convinced they are black, just cos they are called 'black'berries. what a nob, they are quite obviously dark purple. so thats silly for you. but i was right
Recommended Posts