wheelwright Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 This has been the most painful journey of my life, but I now feel a deep peace with losing MM. Here are the stages in case it may help anyone there still in pain. Background: intense EA & PA for 9 months. He was married, me too. See other threads for more if you're interested. 1. June: 13th DDay. 2. June 19th: me thrown under a bus - blanked in the street no less. 3. Anger and denial for one month. Suicidal grief begins. 4. More denial and grief: I can't believe he is doing this, I think he will break NC. Me crying my guts out a lot, still in love with him every waking moment. I realise I need help. 5. Healing trigger 1. - I visit a shaman for healing. The suicidal part of the grief lifts. 6. More grief and denial for months 2-3. 7. Months 3-4 the cognitive dissonance reaches crescendo - I love him, he threw me under a bus. I want his children to be happy, I want him to leave his wife. I want to see him, I could not bear the pain if I did. I love him, the A causes my H pain so how can I feel this? Etc. 8. Healing trigger 2. - I find LS. I finally begin to get perspective on my story from all the wise words of others. 9. Month 4 grief and depression. Why can't I get out of this pit of despair? 10. Healing trigger 3. - 31st October, I see MM and his BS in the street looking really happily together. She doesn't see me. He does, but looks away expressionlessly. 11. Anger for 24 hours. I hate him, but I don't want to wish him ill. 12. Healing trigger 4. - My friend has a book by Deepak Chopra which discusses the relationship between love and being stuck in a negative place. Me! I am stuck! Apparently the way out is love. Makes no sense to me at the time, but over the course of the evening I find I can feel a kind of love for MM and his BS as they are finding their happiness. 13. I let go. I find my peace. I wake up this morning and I am glad they are happy. And there is no dissonance. I am sad (I will always miss him), but there is no grief, anger, denial or bargaining. 14. I got to the acceptance bit! Thank f***. Thanks to all BSs and OW/OM on LS who have helped. I hope this phase lasts.
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