lost07 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I was a good girl who never went out at night and always listend to her parent. Started dating at the age of 15 and that relationship last for 4 years. He was a good guy who respected my feelings. he told me we will do it "have sex" when im ready. 4 years we never did it. when i graduated high school he broke up with me he had canser and told me that he didnt want to hold me back from going to school and do something with my life. so i left fl to mn where my parent lived to get away because i didnt know how to deal with it. so i got a summer job and i met a guy there who seems nice and i needed a friend. then i fell for him thinking he really likes me. the first time i went to his house we started to makeout one thing lead to another i found his had down my pants. then i told him it was my first n that i was scaird. still it happend we end up having sex. at the begining i liked the feeling then i felt lost by the time it was over i hated myself for not saying no. so thats how we end up together. then later on i found out he never had feelings for me and he was still obsess with his ex, i was hurt. but then he convince me that he really like me and we got engaged. then a girl came and ask him right in front of me if we were getting married and he denied it. then i knew it wasent gana happend. so y the hell am i still with him. y do i feel like i love him when he hurts me so much. he later on convince me that he wanted my baby and i cant get pregnant so i got help medically and got pregnant. thinking everything is great and he changed. didnt last long till he became himself again. i was pretty much depress throughout my pregnancy but he did come when i was delivering. and was there with me for a couple of days. i had an emergency delivery and was in the hospital for a week. i thought that he would changed after seeing what i was going through, giving birth and all. but no. just the other day he lied to me again bout some girl. so y am i still with this guy and y cant i just let him go and move on? do i think i love him because he was my first in so many ways. at time he makes me feel love but then again he also makes me feel ugly and that he doesn't care. now i just feel sad all the time even when he tries to make me happy i cant get it out of my head of what hes done to me. i try to just focus on my daughter and be happy but i cant. it just makes me breakdown and cry. i just feel so lost...
Odyssey Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 First of all...we all have a choice. We don't hurt the person we love. If there's a problem we work together to sort it out, as a team. There's transparency and open communication in a healthy relationship. We don't say one thing and do something else. I don't think he has shown anything positive that i've mentioned. Why? Because he's selfish. He doesn't love you. All i see are his lies, and just when he thinks you're gonna run, he hooks you back with promises of marriage and change. Second, you can not change anybody if they have no desire to change. There are things you have no control over. You can only change yourself. Better self-esteem for a start, so you can be more confident and assertive, instead of being so easily 'convinced' by him. You feel lost? Well let me ask you this...Do you see a future with this guy? ...i thought that he would changed after seeing what i was going through, giving birth and all. but no. just the other day he lied to me again bout some girl. ...uhh you think he's cheating?
GrayClouds Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 (edited) i just feel so lost... I am very sorry. Though I do not think your are lost. I think you have finally found yourself. It is a unfamiliar and scary but it is going to be ok. Your at a point where you see things for what they are and not what you would like them to be. You are seeing that you deserve real love and respect. That gives you power, again unfamiliar and scary but better then you were. This is the point in your life when it start getting really good. Not easy, but good. It is time to put the new found power to work for you. Find a professional to talk to about your past decision, your depression and what you want for the rest of your life. Yes it sounds overwhelming, but I can say for certain you are already half way there. You deserve better, and will get it. More importantly you have to provide it for your new child. I am very sorry for what has happened but I congratulate you on your future. (by the way the guy is a dick, if you was not depressed living with this man I would really be worried about you!) . Edited November 3, 2009 by GrayClouds
Author lost07 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 (odyssey) no i dont think hes cheating i know he is and its not the first time. iv talk to the girls and some say that they didnt know he has a girlfriend. but then again the last one said that she didnt mean to she was drunk. but i realy dont think drinking is an excused if she is still messing with my man and i dont blame the girls i blame my man for he who has the choice to be faithful or not.
Author lost07 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 (gray clouds) you know what your right. im not losts and found my way. i finaly realised that i dont need him and havent even been thinking of him latly and when he dose come see his doughter i dont realy care for him like befor. he trys to whisper lies to my ears but i finaly can say NO! im finaly going back to school for medical technition and consintrating on building a better life for my doughter and i. i no longer see him when i look at her. i finaly see her for herself. thanks for your replys, it help me see that im finding myself
Odyssey Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I suspected it as much from your post but thought i asked to be certain. Yeah, drinking is never a good reason...just a pathetic excuse. I would totally blame him too! But it's good that you have reach the point, where you can see what is wrong...and finally had enough of his crap. Be glad you didn't marry the guy. I think you need to find someone that deserves and most of all, respects you 'cause this guy obviously doesn't. Good luck.
GrayClouds Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 (gray clouds) you know what your right. im not losts and found my way. i finaly realised that i dont need him and havent even been thinking of him latly and when he dose come see his doughter i dont realy care for him like befor. he trys to whisper lies to my ears but i finaly can say NO! im finaly going back to school for medical technition and consintrating on building a better life for my doughter and i. i no longer see him when i look at her. i finaly see her for herself. thanks for your replys, it help me see that im finding myself Like I said it gets better, not easier but better. There will be days of doubt and sadness but don't give into them. Your words are impressive, follow them up with action and the person you find will be as impressive as your words. Good Luck
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