Long distance relationship

[tb1984]

I desperately need some advice. There’s a few facts that may or may not be relevant. So please bare with me while a explain. I’m in the middle of a long distance relationship. We live in separate ends of the country & see each other every 3 weeks or so. After a year of doing this it’s time to make a decision on wither to move in together or not. I need to stay where I am because of my daughter & she can’t afford to live by herself. For me this is a really big step that I’m not sure I’m ready for it but at the same time we can’t continue the way it is. She’s willing to take the chance, but I’m not so sure it’s a good idea.

 

One of my biggest issues is that I feel there’s a huge imbalance in our relationship. She’s in love with me a LOT more then I am with her. We’ve talked about this several times but she doesn’t seem that concerned about it.

 

I’ve tried making a list of the pros & cons: and on paper you would think we were good for each other. We both love sports, she’s funny & makes me laugh, we have some of the same dreams for the future, the sex is amazing…. However there’s 2 big cons (as lease for me) (1) I’m an actor & I’ve always pictured myself with someone who was an artist of some kind. While she really does try (& I’m grateful for it) she doesn’t really get “it”. (2) this goes back to the imbalance – but I’ve never really had an “oh my god I can’t believe I’m with this person” moment with her. Granted I’ve only had one of those once or twice, but I desperately want to feel that way again & I just don’t with her.

 

Other things to note is that I’m 39 & divorced (she’s the same age & divorced as well). I like being in a relationship – deep down I really am a relationship guy! The idea of being single again scares be a bit, not to mention that I’m 39 & not getting any younger, which could lean both ways.

 

Most of all I really don’t want to lose my friend. She’s been an amazing friend to me over the last year & I don’t want to lose that. (believe me I’m NOT the easiest person to deal with at times). I just wish I felt those butterflies for her. Is that crazy or stupid? Am I looking for something that I may never find? Should I just suck it up & try to live with her because I’m too afraid I may spend the rest of my life alone?

 

Does anyone have some advice please???

 

T

[sunnyk1068]

The most important question to consider is do you love her? You say that there is an imbalance and what does that matter? I have been in plenty of relationships and there is always an imbalance. Perhaps it is that she is more capable of loving and giving of herself than you are in which case you more than likely will never find a perfect balance. You always imagined yourself with an artsits. Well I always imagined myself with Prince Charming or Bo Brady from Days of Our Lives but that never quite worked out. You say you have all of these things in common, and that she makes you happy, and makes you laugh and she LIKES sports (do you know what my hisband would do for that to be the case in our house???) Let's say you find this artist you think you are suposed to be with, and you lose all of those other things, are you still happy? Someone that brings more to your life than they take away, someone who has your best interests at heart, all the time, who can put up with all of your "stuff" that is what is at the heart of any good long term relationship. Butterflies fly away. Oh my GOD moments are far and few between in any relationship, I do not care who you talk to, if they tell you differently they are lying. If living together is what you are scared of, then it sounds like it is really something missing within you, not her. If she has been worth flying back and forth to, and a year is a LONG time for a LDR to work, then there has to be something there that you see as potential. I would be hesitant to let go of what you have right in front of you, from what you say there really isn't anything missing other than the butterflies, and a balance which are 2 thngs that I would challenge you to find anywhere.