pandagirl Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 If that risk bothers you, then I think it's important to do something about it. However, many people are willing to take the risk. I'm going to sound rather uppity, but if someone is willing to take that risk, it is a character flaw to me.
Star Gazer Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I'm going to sound rather uppity, but if someone is willing to take that risk, it is a character flaw to me. How can that be? By saying this, you're saying that anyone who has sex with you has a character flaw, as they'd obviously be taking a risk of contracting herpes... Do you really think that's true? The fact of the matter is that you always put yourself at risk for an STD with a new partner, protection or not.
pandagirl Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 How can that be? By saying this, you're saying that anyone who has sex with you has a character flaw, as they'd obviously be taking a risk of contracting herpes... Do you really think that's true? The fact of the matter is that you always put yourself at risk for an STD with a new partner, protection or not. Oh, I meant anyone who has sex with multiple people at the same time, without thinking their partners should know this fact is a character flaw. Of course, one-off or two-off dates with someone is somewhat understandable, but having multiple sexual partners over the course of a good period of time is not cool in my book.
Rudderless Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Like many people, I've had sex before becoming exclusive. I don't have a problem with that. But I did say that I want to know if he's sleeping with anyone else. I don't want to be sleeping with more then one person, nor do I want to be sleeping with someone who is sleeping with others. If someone fancies sleeping around, then that terminates the idea of dating them and seeing if it will go exclusive. I really don't understand what you're asking for dreamer. You don't want to be exclusive with the person but you want your sexual activity to be exclusive. What happens if you meet someone else that you want to sleep with while you're sleeping with this person? Do you then stop sleeping with them and sleep with the new person?
BookerT Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I really don't understand what you're asking for dreamer. You don't want to be exclusive with the person but you want your sexual activity to be exclusive. What happens if you meet someone else that you want to sleep with while you're sleeping with this person? Do you then stop sleeping with them and sleep with the new person? Seems to me like she wants to find the safest way, and morally justified way to get casual sex. If she wants sex then go for it. There's always a risk, that's all. If you want to REDUCE the risk then make sure to date someone that only has sex once exclusive. At least that individual will be likely to have fewer sex partners.
Rudderless Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 If you want to REDUCE the risk then make sure to date someone that only has sex once exclusive. At least that individual will be likely to have fewer sex partners. Very interesting, although personally I don't see the difference between an "exclusive shag buddy" and a relationship, just seems like very confused territory. At least if you're screwing around you know where you are and what you're getting.
bean1 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Such a hate for casual sex! Meh, I had lots of casual sex in my "younger" years (I'd say I stopped at 23). Did I ever have that discussion with any of those people? I don't think I did. Sort of kills the moment? I have no regrets. I also drank and smoked a bit of weed, as well as some mischief like stealing a rim at 14 (dumb, eh?). Who cares. Years later, I now have a solid partner, a baby, and a job in law enforcement. Am I happier now? Yes. If I had skipped out on my younger years of fun, I might be left with regrets. Here's to being young and having fun.
Rudderless Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Also, based on the information you provided, do you make sure you wait four months between sexual partners? That way you can take the test after whatever might show up had a chance to? And do you actually get tested that way? And in the same spirit, do you ensure the guy has done the same thing? Because otherwise, I see a big hole in your argument. There would be no difference in sleeping with two people simultaneously and sleeping with two people a month apart. This is a very good point I see a gap in the on-line dating industry. Sites where the members are pre-screened for sexual diseases.
BookerT Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Very interesting, although personally I don't see the difference between an "exclusive shag buddy" and a relationship, just seems like very confused territory. At least if you're screwing around you know where you are and what you're getting. It's looking at the other person. The reason is if the other person only has sex once in a relationship then they will have fewer sex partners than someone that sleeps around. I got nothing against casual sex, I've done it. I'm just saying it's got risks attached.
Author dreamergrl Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 If someone was sleeping with someone else, unbeknownest to you, would that be a deal breaker for you? Even if you didn't have an exclusivity talk prior? Yeah, I don't want to be sleeping with someone who is sleeping with someone else. I really don't understand what you're asking for dreamer. You don't want to be exclusive with the person but you want your sexual activity to be exclusive. What happens if you meet someone else that you want to sleep with while you're sleeping with this person? Do you then stop sleeping with them and sleep with the new person? I've never had a desire to sleep with multiple people at a time. I've multiple dated, but not had a few screw buddies. Also, if I'm sleeping with someone before the exclusivity talk, it's because I see them as someone I'd want to become exclusive with. When I was younger, I had a fwb, but I wasn't sleeping with anyone else. Very interesting, although personally I don't see the difference between an "exclusive shag buddy" and a relationship, just seems like very confused territory. At least if you're screwing around you know where you are and what you're getting. Just because you are having casual sex with someone doesn't mean you have to be having casual sex with multiple people. Now, what is this about disclosure and leaving that responsibility to someone else? Shouldn't you be responsible for your own health and safety and ASK that question before you decide to have sex with someone? If the guy lies to you, he's an a$$, but if you didn't bother to ask beforehand, shame on you. I do ask. But there are people who feel if the relationship is casual, it's not the other person's business to know if they are sleeping with other people. Also, based on the information you provided, do you make sure you wait four months between sexual partners? That way you can take the test after whatever might show up had a chance to? And do you actually get tested that way? And in the same spirit, do you ensure the guy has done the same thing? Because otherwise, I see a big hole in your argument. There would be no difference in sleeping with two people simultaneously and sleeping with two people a month apart. When I was younger, no I didn't. I didn't claim to be error free in this post. But now, yes. I ask question, and I discuss it prior to engaging in sex. I want to know these things.
stdslove Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 PG - I didn't want to bring it up, but I had thought of you (not in a bad way). This is why I think it is important for people to disclose that information. There's too much 'unknown'. STD rates soar worldwide!!! Use a condom to protect you yourself!!!! A friend of mine who works for the largest STD dating Positivefish.com == told me that the new subscribers have increased 200% over 2008. Rising STD rate sparks online dating sites.
crazy_grl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 If someone was sleeping with someone else, unbeknownest to you, would that be a deal breaker for you? Even if you didn't have an exclusivity talk prior? This question wasn't directed at me, but my answer would be absolutely. I would never want a serious relationship with someone who was having sex with another person while they were dating me. I think if a person is going to be exclusive with you, they will be whether or not you've officially agreed to be. If they're going to sleep with other people while they're dating you, they're probably going to keep doing it even if you agree to be exclusive. A talk won't suddenly make someone want to only have sex with a person they didn't feel that way about before. They just won't tell you they're sleeping around after the talk. I think the exclusivity talk is either: 1 - a formality -- You're both already exclusive, each know you only want to date/have sex with each other. Neither of you are currently dating or having sex with anyone else 2 - just a show to calm (legitimate) fears of getting a disease, infidelity, etc -- One or both of you doesn't want to limit your sex partners to only the person you're having the talk with, but you want to give yourself false comfort with the fact that you've agreed to be exclusive. Do people really sleep around with a bunch of people and suddenly toss the others aside because they had a conversation with one of them? As if Sunday you're going to sleep with one person, Tues another, and then on Fri you have an exclusivity talk and suddenly you're only having sex with person #3? That doesn't sound realistic to me. If you have any doubt about whether a person is having sex with other people, they probably are. Don't be fooled into thinking that by having the exclusivity talk, you're somehow "safe".
Vertex Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I'm going to sound rather uppity, but if someone is willing to take that risk, it is a character flaw to me. I agree wholeheartedly. It's just way too irresponsible to take such a risk, and I definitely agree that it speaks volumes about someone's character.
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