atlast3 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 (edited) I'd been dating my ex on and off for a year. At the beginning of the relationship he really hurt me. I lost my virginity to him so obviously he meant a lot to me. He was my first kiss...first everything.. I trusted him with myself and I really loved him. I told him I loved him a month later and he just brushed me off and told me that I should wait on the feelings I had and that it was too early. I was crushed. As the relationship progressed I can remember him yelling at me during sex. He knew I was sexually inexperienced and he didn't care. He was being selfish and to this day what he said to me still hurts me emotionally. Its really effecting me now. He tried anal with me and got mad when it hurt me. He tried to do it too fast and told me I "was going to finish him anyway" . I didnt even feel like I was even a person then...just a body part. Sex was very important to him but like in most relationships I thought that most guys put a huge emphasis on sex. It bothered me a little but I kept reassuring myself hes a 21 year old male. They are always horny.He eventually told me he loved me back but I never really truly believed him because of what happened in the beginning. I should have got the hint but I was really in love with him. He showed me a lot of things and even though he had a lot of anger, I liked to believe he had a good heart. He took me out to dinner and took me to the movies. He made me laugh. We had fun together . He called me beautiful and made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. The relationship got worse. We were long distance at that point and while I was at school by myself I began to self reflect on a lot of the events that occured during that summer...why he was so mean to me...why he hurt me... why he didnt call me for the whole summer. I can honestly say I was good to him. I respected him as a person and I really only want the best for him. During that time I told him we needed a break and we finally broke up for awhile. Things were shaky but we still spent time with each other. We were having a lot of problems but we were trying to work through him. Later I found out he slept with another girl during our break. She was a female friend of his and he said he did it because he was upset. I was upset because while I understand we were together at that time we still were talking as if we were together. He told me he regretted it still but something officially died in me that day. During all this he tried to make up for how much he hurt me but the damage was done to me. I wanted to forgive him but everytime I saw him I would get angry and it wasnt healthy for both of us. So basically I officially called it off and told him not to contact me anymore. I told him I regret losing my virginity to him and that I regret that I kept putting myself out there for him and he just kept shutting me down and hurting me. I havent heard from him since that e-mail. I dont know why I feel bad about saying that I regretted it... should I feel bad? Do you think it was over the top? I feel like I should have left it as no contact but at the same time I felt so much hurt,anger,sadness,bitter,love all at once that I just let it come out..... Even though I know I was the one who told him I couldn't be with him anymore I'm hurting so bad. I miss him and even after all the hurt I still wanna just know hes okay and that hes fine. I feel so selfless when I think of him....thats how I know I really loved him. Edited November 3, 2009 by atlast3
kairi and sora Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Okay, first of all atlast3, please try to get it out of your head that all guys care about is sex. i mean, im 19 years old, im a guy, and i never forced anything on my ex *ive only had one*. if someone loves you, they wont force you to have sex, they wont become impatient if you want to wait, they wont try to make you feel bad about it. i always asked her consent before progressing any further than we had ever gone before. if she did not like the idea of something, then we wouldnt do it, and likewise if she wanted to do something that i did not want to. Secondly, this guy sounds like a real dirtbag to me. it sounds like the only reason he was with you was for the physical aspect of the relationship. You have to think to yourself, "HEY, sex is supposed to be a time when we EXPRESS how much we love each other, if he yells and gets mad at me while we are making love, how much could he really love me?" On a certain level i know how you feel, my first girlfriend *of 10 months, who was my first kiss, first time making love, first EVERYTHING* just left me a week ago, and the pain still remains. and NO you should not feel sorry about saying that you regret it, i know you THINK you loved him, but from the sound of it, he did not love you, and you yourself said you didnt believe him when he said it. i hope this doesnt come off as me trying to defend him or anything >.< it is DEFINATLY not my intent. im simply trying to state that sex is something to be held sacred between a couple, and there should NEVER be any hate or anger involved with it. i wish you the best of luck, i hope this helps you, and i wish you luck on your future endevours
Recommended Posts