LonelyGuy85 Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I started a new job a few months ago and developed a great friendship with a girl that started the same time as me. I didn't really think much of it when we first started as often times we would talk whilst in a much larger group. Eventually however we started talking one-on-one, and i slowly started to really like her, so much so that i always enjoy talking to her. However, i have started to become attracted to her, but i am unsure that she feels, or would even feel, the same way. She is 2 years older than me, but seeing as i am 24 anyway i don't see this as a problem, but she has in the past mentioned something about age. I have even done a few 'tests' by standing away from a group and seeing if she come talk to me or goes to the group, which granted isn't the most scientific test, but all my pathetic little 'tests' have done is confirm that she enjoys talking to me over other people but with no indication of any feelings involved. I recently went out with her and her friends and it was great, especially seeing the amount of attension she gave me, but i have never had an indication that she wanted to be more than friends, despite sometimes thinking that i can feel something more. I am at a fork in the road now but neither route seems like a good one; admit my feelings and risk her saying she doesn't recipicate and at the same time potentially lose someone who has turned out to be someone i love being around, or bottle this up and just carry on being miserable and lonely. I have decided to seek your advice as i really need guidance. I should probably note that i have a crippling fear of rejection, which came from a childhood experience that i don't really want to go into at this moment, but lets just say that it's shaped my entire life, so aggressive pursuit isn't something i am huge fan of. I am also useless when it comes to reading women. Seriously, you wouldn't believe how clueless i am. Are there any good indications? What would be the most tactful way of handling this? Is there a better way i can scope this out before/if i do admit my feelings? Has anyone had a similar situation? If so, how did it all work out for you? And would you have done it differently. Thanks.
Barby Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 How about getting a little physical like touching her hand, giving her a hug upon parting, see how she re-acts. If she seems to be eager for the contact then kiss her on the cheek....then if all goes well why not ask her out on an individual date. On the rejection thing...the slight physical contact could be chalked up to simple casual friendly affection. Or you could just come out and let her know how you feel, if you're too scared to do it face to face try and text or email or IM. Better to find out once and for all instead of suffering in silence...you can either progress with the relationship or continue a good friendship and seek out other romantic interests!
Tiz Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 You've wasted time waiting. At the first tinge of attraction, and she's giving you buying signals ask for the home phone number. When you meet a girl for the first time if you guys are talking and getting along, she's laughing, any touching whatsoever she's probably got some attraction for you. It's not over for you, but the problem here is you've waited around over-thinking trying to read into everything without asking for her home phone number. If she gives it to you wait 5-9 days (some think that's excessive) call her, and meet her out for a cup of coffee. Set up the date about 4 days in advance. Don't go out with her or call her on a Friday or Saturday night either, and don't leave voicemails. You need to be a challenge. If that goes well wait another 5-9 days and call her to take her out on a proper date. Pick her up, pay for it, and do something like go out to dinner or something physical like miniature golf or pool. I don't like group dates like you mentioned. You need to go one-on-one. Take things slow, but asking for a girl's home phone number (if you're attracted to her) when you meet her is so important. I can't stress this enough.
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