samkat13 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 To make a long story short, my ex and I were in a 7 year relationship. The last three of which were on again, off again. After we broke up in July, I had to move out of town because I had nowhere to go (couldn't afford to be on my own). She moved in (with her 2 teenagers) with her amily as well. We didn't talk for about 4 weeks ater the split and then we gradually began to try to repair things. After speaking by phone for 3 weeks, she wanted me to come spend the wekend over Labor Day and since I missed my family so much, I did. The weekend went well and when I was living, she said she didn't want me to go and wanted us to be together and get back on track. SO, we planned to take the next 6 weeks to work and save money and get another place so our family could be back together. In the meantime, for the next 2 weeks, we constanly talked and texted. She would tell me how in love with me she was and how she knew I was the love of her life and she never wanted to be with anyone else. Then, for a week, she became distant and when I "called" her on it, she said she just realized it wouldn't work. I was devastated and baffled. She stopped returning my calls and texts. I texted her one day and got a response from her new partner saying that she was over me and with them and to "take my wah wah self somewhere else". I got my ex to answer a text where she said she hadn't cheated on me and met this new persn when we were "done" and that she was happy and in love and to stop contactng her. WTF??!!! That was about 2.5 weeks ago and we haven't talked or texted since then. I am so hurt, disappointed, confused and in so much pain. I just don't understand how we could have gone from her being in love with me and wanting a life with me one day to literally the polar opposite the next week. I don't no what to do because I am very much in love wit her and just don't know what the hell to think! How can someone's feelings change so drastically so quickly? And if they can, isn't it possible that she will call me anyday and tell me se was confused and sorry and be done with this new person that she has known for only weeks? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO and I just want to speak to her so badly but don't want to do anything that willpush her further away. If anyone has any observaions/advice on how to get trough this, please let me know because am having daily panic attacks and feel so completely lost and abandoned!!
USMCHokie Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Without having even read your post, I would generally answer your question with a resounding YES, continue NC. After having read your post, I will answer your question with a resounding YES, continue NC. All of us have been through this situation, wondering how the heck someone could pull a 180 on us like that...one day they're madly in love with us, and the next, it's like we never existed... From personal experience and from what others will assuredly tell you, it doesn't matter how much you love the person, it's how they feel about you that matters...you're just going to have to tough it out like every one of us...don't hope or expect that one day she'll come crawling back all confused and whatnot...and even if she does, are you sure you'd want that...? That's basically a free pass for her to do it again...and again... You don't need to speak to her anymore...not because you don't want to push her away (she's probably far enough away by now, sorry to say...), but to help you heal and move on...and heal and move on you will...I was right where you were several months ago...and here I am, still a little bit hurt, but doing much better than before, and you will get there too...
Author samkat13 Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 USMC... thanks so much for your help!! I know that you are right. In the past 3 years she has broken up with me like clockwork every summer....gotten with someone new that she is "in love with" and ten come running back when it doesn't pan out or she senses me moving on! Usually, with a little apologizing and swearing it wll never happen again, I let her back in. Each time I grow more and more insecure and resentful. It is NO WAY to live at all!!! As much as I love her, I have to at some point get real and accept the fact that if she EVER gave a damn about us (or me for that matter), it wouldn't have happened the second time! So it's just as much my fault for it going on for so long. She couldn't possibly have been in love with me or treating me the way she has would have never crossed hr mind....i sure hasn't mine. I haven't even dated anyone else while all of this has gone on in the last 3 years! She isn' going to love me the way I deserve. And no matter hat I feel or what she has said in the pst, she isn't here TODAY and that speaks volumes! I am going to need a lot of time to heal from this....I loved pretty deep and hardthis time. I saw a quote about not bein sad it's over and being happy it happened....I am strivng to get to that point but not close yet!
USMCHokie Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I'm glad you're writing all of these thoughts out...because I guarantee you, whether it be later tonight, tomorrow, or a week from now, or a month from now, you'll doubt yourself and relapse into feeling like you need her in your life again...it's part of the healing process...but rest assured that you will bounce right back up from it to feel exactly what you've just written...I've done it PLENTY of times myself... And you know what, you've got to make mistakes in life to learn from them...you say that you've let her back in multiple times before...only to grow more insecure and resentful when she left...and I'm sure part of you regrets doing that...but if you hadn't made those mistakes, you may never have learned the lesson from all this, and I quote you: "It is NO WAY to live at all!!!" And you're right...although you CAN be sad that it's over, it's more important that you're glad that it happened...because you learned something from it...if you hadn't made those mistakes before, you would have been bound to make them later...better now with someone who obviously doesn't care much about you, don't you think...? Don't ever regret mistakes you made...only regret the times you repeat mistakes...
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