Bulldozed Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 My ex and I split 2 mths ago. She left me so she could hook up with her "former" good friends recently divorced ex-hus. The wife left him for a reason. I've heard from a reliable source that he may have cheated and she found someone else, and basically split on a new family through a recent adoption. He was so pissed she racked up his credit card bills and the guy never got an attorney to represent him through the divorce. Something tells me, he's not the innocent victim in all of this. My ex never had a chance to hear her friends side of the story as the one time she came to see my ex after their separation back in the spring, she offended her by jokingly commenting if it was ok that she dated her ex, since they were now separated. I've also heard that since she split on him back in the spring, he's played up the "poor me, my left me and my son" card at work, and has hooked up with more than one woman during this time. My ex and I used to go out with these two for dinner now and again. For some reason my ex has always been drawn to losers. Her first two marriages lasted less than our two years together. I was the first "well-adjusted", normal, well educated guy who has ever come into her life, and we've been friends for nearly 15 yrs, prior to dating. I treated her with respect and only asked for the same in return. Why does she put herself in these damaging relationships? My question is how long before she realizes what a complete loser this guy is and his mask comes off. I know it's impossible to tell, I'm just dreading the holidays alone. For 23-24 month together, we were solid. I'm trying like hell to move on, but I am so incredibly confused and hurt by all of this. Never in a million years did I expect her to pull something like this, especially since we were talking marriage, and her moving in before the holidays. Hatred/Love are such powerful emotions, separated by a finest line.
cdt76 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 2 months and counting with my ex and her idiot friend. I'm hoping they both try sushi and get infected. OUCH
AliveAndKicking Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Please don't try to figure out the ex- it can't be done. It is time to put your energy into the one person you have control over: YOU! I wasted a LOT of time and ran myself ragged trying to comprehend my ex's behaviors. At the end of the day I came up empty. And I'm talking EMPTY. It was a collosal waste of time. It is hard but it can be done: Unplug from the hows and whys and what-ifs and if-onlys. It doesn't matter what they are doing, whom they are doing it with, etc etc etc. It doesn't mean a damn thing. It is very easy to get caught up in them and do further damage to yourself. It hurts, its leaves us feeling belidered and confused, and it is gonna take some time to rebuild, regroup, and heal up. Allow yourself some time. I don't care about your ex- I care about YOU. You might be the one to post something that saves my ass one of these days. Be good to yourself and focus on the most impotant person in the world right now: Yourself. Be well!
name witheld Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 She is not your problem now so who cares what is happening with her and anybody else. You can't change it anyway. Found this funny: For some reason my ex has always been drawn to losers. You put foot in mouth there my friend!
AliveAndKicking Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 She is not your problem now so who cares what is happening with her and anybody else. You can't change it anyway. Found this funny: You put foot in mouth there my friend! I can't help but laugh at this one. Not AT you- with you... Bwaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! C'mon... Laugh dammit- you KNOW it's funny!
Dream Brother Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 She is not your problem now so who cares what is happening with her and anybody else. You can't change it anyway. Found this funny: You put foot in mouth there my friend! that is.. hilarious.
Author Bulldozed Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 that is funny, however, all she's doing is reverting back to her "low self-esteem" day, and once again getting involved with a "project" guy...I was the first guy she was with that actually had his **** together.
Author Bulldozed Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Please don't try to figure out the ex- it can't be done. It is time to put your energy into the one person you have control over: YOU! I wasted a LOT of time and ran myself ragged trying to comprehend my ex's behaviors. At the end of the day I came up empty. And I'm talking EMPTY. It was a collosal waste of time. It is hard but it can be done: Unplug from the hows and whys and what-ifs and if-onlys. It doesn't matter what they are doing, whom they are doing it with, etc etc etc. It doesn't mean a damn thing. It is very easy to get caught up in them and do further damage to yourself. It hurts, its leaves us feeling belidered and confused, and it is gonna take some time to rebuild, regroup, and heal up. Allow yourself some time. I don't care about your ex- I care about YOU. You might be the one to post something that saves my ass one of these days. Be good to yourself and focus on the most impotant person in the world right now: Yourself. Be well! AK - thanks for your words. I appreciate them very much. What makes this so diffiicult is my business partner's gf is best friends with my ex. It's hard to think about what she's doing....She's swore secrecy to "me" ....yeah I know Caliguy's rule, ignorance is bliss and never confide to mutual friends, just wish I would have read that first! ...but I do believe her...as some of the things she confided to me, she reiterated multiple times never to reveal what she told me...for example my ex told her the the apology email I sent a couple weeks ago for a harsh email i sent...telling her I never said the two words she was looking for "I'm sorry"...she still won't admit to her friend that she's even involved with this turd, other than they've gone out to dinner a couple of times...yet she sleeps there 2-3 times a week. The only people who know what she's doing are her ex's (prior to me) sister-n-law and her parents...she still lives at home at age 40. She's clearly ashamed, because it's taboo, to get involved with your friends ex, on any level...seriously who dismisses a 20 yr friendship for a guy just getting out of a divorce?
AliveAndKicking Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 seriously who dismisses a 20 yr friendship for a guy just getting out of a divorce? Your EX- that's who :-| Sorry- you begged for that one, ya know? You're trying. It's freakin' HARD. I know- you want answers. You want understanding. You want this thing that does make sense to somehow make sense. STOP. Just stop. You are not going to find ANY answers to any of the questions right now. It just won't happen. Period. There is only one way to EVER find peace in any of this: you have to unplug, detach, and let go. Damn, man, I wish there was some other way. I have never found it if it exists. You just have to trust that answers will come, later, in their own time, but only if you let go and get on with your life. I'm sorry. I wish there was some other way. I wish there was something I could say or do to make this easier for you. If there was I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't know yuo but I know your pain and frustration like the back of my hand. I'm sorry you have to go through this but if you want to heal upand come to some sort of peace within yourself you just gotta let go. And letting go is the hardest thing in the world to do. Once you truly let go guess what? You will have a new lease on life. You will feel yourself healing and I mean you will feel it NOW. I can't explain how to do it other than you have to resolve within yourself that there is nothing you can do to "fix" things and just say goodbye. For me it was a feeling of peaceful resignation: I let her go do whatever it is she wants to do. I swear to you the second I did that I felt giddy. I felt a relief that I had not felt in YEARS. I felt like the sun had risen for the first time ages. Make it about you. Read the post I'm responding to- who is it about? It's about her. Like I said: you want answers. You want to understand it. You want to somehow come to a rational conclusion in your mind that this makes sense. Forget it. It ain't gonna make sense. The sooner you accept that the sooner you will heal up, feel better, and wake up at peace. All of your questions have nothing to do with you- she is doing what she is doing, she is thinking what she is thinking, and for her it makes sense. You're on vacation now. You don't have to to think about her any more. Its done. It's over. That book is written. Start YOUR NEW LIFE right now. That is the ONLY thing YOU can do- restart YOUR life right...... Now. Be brave and trust that it WILL get better in time. the sooner you just cast it off the sooner you will start to heal. You've got what it takes. If I can do it you can do it. You CAN do it. It's late and I'm beat. Ill check up on ya tomorrow...
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