TwilightSky Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So I was at the movies yesterady a girl and a few guys were sitting in the row in front of us. As she was about to sit down, she looked at me for about 3-5 seconds. This made me think about how this has happened to me before. Is this a good or a bad thing? Someone once said to me "If a girl is making it obvious she is look at you, it is bad." This true?
amirpc Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So I was at the movies yesterady a girl and a few guys were sitting in the row in front of us. As she was about to sit down, she looked at me for about 3-5 seconds. This made me think about how this has happened to me before. Is this a good or a bad thing? Someone once said to me "If a girl is making it obvious she is look at you, it is bad." This true? I think whoever told you that is just flat wrong. I definitely would take strong eye contact as an invitation to say hi.
carhill Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 When the movie was over and they left, was it obvious that she was with one of the 'few guys'? Did you find the contact and her attractive? If yes, and if you notice she's not obviously with a guy, make contact with her after the movie. Next time Remember, the key is what *you* want in this situation. IMO, don't approach every girl who looks at you. Be selective.... If she appears to be with someone, write it off to the normal female behavior of acquiring a 'quickie' ego boost by garnering the brief attention of a man. Validation.
Author TwilightSky Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 When the movie was over and they left, was it obvious that she was with one of the 'few guys'? Did you find the contact and her attractive? If yes, and if you notice she's not obviously with a guy, make contact with her after the movie. Next time Remember, the key is what *you* want in this situation. IMO, don't approach every girl who looks at you. Be selective.... If she appears to be with someone, write it off to the normal female behavior of acquiring a 'quickie' ego boost by garnering the brief attention of a man. Validation. No, it wasn't obvious she was "with" one of them. Yeah, I found her attractive. As for the ego boost thing, would they do that towards a guy, regardless of whether they were attracted to him or not? And yeah, I had intentions of being selective.
samspade Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Remember the 3 second rule....if she looks you in the eye, say something, anything. Don't worry about whether another man is with her. Let HER reject you, don't do it yourself. Fortune favors the bold, especially in attraction.
carhill Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) It also can get him a throat full of teeth. IMO, decorum trumps connection. If he were to be so bold and had the lady's husband or BF staring him down, I think his movie-going experience would take a decided turn for the worse. As for the ego boost thing, would they do that towards a guy, regardless of whether they were attracted to him or not? Yes, it can have nothing to do with attraction. It's simple psychological validation. I experienced this a lot while married, with other married women. Masters, they are, right in front of their husbands. Edited November 2, 2009 by carhill
Author TwilightSky Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 It also can get him a throat full of teeth. IMO, decorum trumps connection. If he were to be so bold and had the lady's husband or BF staring him down, I think his movie-going experience would take a decided turn for the worse. Yes, it can have nothing to do with attraction. It's simple psychological validation. I experienced this a lot while married, with other married women. Masters, they are, right in front of their husbands. Clever witches, hehe j/k. Anyway, I just wish I knew of clear signals so I wouldn't make a fool out of myself.
carhill Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Being bold is a positive thing, but don't let emotion operate without the benefit of intellect. When dealing with any human, there is always an element of the unknown. Being in the middle of a divorce, I can tell you that with assurance. Learn how people relate to each other. Observe body language. Understand that every woman who makes eye contact with doesn't want to ride your flagpole. Some do. Tell you what, the next time you encounter such a situation, just smile and say hi. That's it. Gauge the response. If some strange guy was saying hi to my wife, I'd expect an introduction, but would not be annoyed.
Author TwilightSky Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Being bold is a positive thing, but don't let emotion operate without the benefit of intellect. When dealing with any human, there is always an element of the unknown. Being in the middle of a divorce, I can tell you that with assurance. Learn how people relate to each other. Observe body language. Understand that every woman who makes eye contact with doesn't want to ride your flagpole. Some do. Tell you what, the next time you encounter such a situation, just smile and say hi. That's it. Gauge the response. If some strange guy was saying hi to my wife, I'd expect an introduction, but would not be annoyed. I understand that. I just don't understand why they don't give out clear-cut signals. I just don't want to put myself out there and be rejected.
carhill Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Expect to be rejected, often. It's part of life when you have a dangling participle. It also makes those true connections all the sweeter
Author TwilightSky Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 I already expected to be rejected often. Meh, I was trying to get advice in another thread so that would happen LESS often. I guess most people don't want to see others happy .
carhill Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Why does rejection make you unhappy? Think about that and you'll be rejected less...
Author TwilightSky Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 I can't be rejected "less" because I have never, never asked a girl out. And I don't plan on doing that until I can find out what is wrong with me. Why does the concept of constant rejection make me unhappy?, because outside of someone who is already attached, rejection is a confirmation of being sub-par.
BookerT Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Did you have bogey hanging out of your nose? Were you flying low? Did you wear a terrible outfit? If not then the chances are she was checking you out.
carhill Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Why does the concept of constant rejection make me unhappy?, because outside of someone who is already attached, rejection is a confirmation of being sub-par. You've identified your work. Congratulations
stepka Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 I can't be rejected "less" because I have never, never asked a girl out. And I don't plan on doing that until I can find out what is wrong with me. Why does the concept of constant rejection make me unhappy?, because outside of someone who is already attached, rejection is a confirmation of being sub-par. Twilight, if you've never never asked a woman out, then how can you have been rejected? I think your fear of rejection is keeping you from getting what you want in life, and you'll need to move past that. I have an idea--I think you should make rejection your goal. I challenge you to go get rejected 5X this week then report back to us. The reason for this is to make it a game and to realize that you need to get used to that feeling. Yeah yeah guys, I know I"m a woman, but I've been known to ask men out and I've been rejected too. I get over it as quickly as you guys do, and I know it doesn't make me sub-par--I just told myself that he wasn't bright enough to see how wonderful I am. Now, if you don't want to get rejected, the eye contact thing ups the chances that you won't, but it's certainly no guarantee. Also, I read a book on shyness and one of the suggestions she gave was to ask out people you're not as interested in so that you can get used to asking girls out and get more comfortable with the whole process. It might sound like using people, but be kind, don't lead anyone on, and show her a good time, and you'll be fine.
Author TwilightSky Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Twilight, if you've never never asked a woman out, then how can you have been rejected? I think your fear of rejection is keeping you from getting what you want in life, and you'll need to move past that. I have an idea--I think you should make rejection your goal. I challenge you to go get rejected 5X this week then report back to us. The reason for this is to make it a game and to realize that you need to get used to that feeling. Yeah yeah guys, I know I"m a woman, but I've been known to ask men out and I've been rejected too. I get over it as quickly as you guys do, and I know it doesn't make me sub-par--I just told myself that he wasn't bright enough to see how wonderful I am. Now, if you don't want to get rejected, the eye contact thing ups the chances that you won't, but it's certainly no guarantee. Also, I read a book on shyness and one of the suggestions she gave was to ask out people you're not as interested in so that you can get used to asking girls out and get more comfortable with the whole process. It might sound like using people, but be kind, don't lead anyone on, and show her a good time, and you'll be fine. Unless I mis-worded something, I said I wasn't rejected BECAUSE I never asked a girl out. I'm not sure I am comfortable with trying to get rejected, as my self-esteem is low enough. You've identified your work. Congratulations What do you mean?
carhill Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Your work is changing your psychology to one where your self-worth is not dependent upon acceptance or rejection.
paperchase Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Unless I mis-worded something, I said I wasn't rejected BECAUSE I never asked a girl out. I'm not sure I am comfortable with trying to get rejected, as my self-esteem is low enough. What do you mean? I hope you realize that the hottest men get routinely rejected. It's part of being the male protagonist. Seriously, man, no matter how good you look or what lines you use, you will get rejected...often! Expect to be unsuccessful more than 50% of the time when approaching a stranger and realize that it might have very little to do with your appeal. If you have a average that would be good for a hitter in baseball, you are doing quite well. The key is that you must get to a point where you don't care about being rejected; once you get there, women will sense it and you will have much more success. Liken it to when you reach the point where you are over your ex and suddenly they start giving you more attention. Funny how things work. But know this: if you approach a women lacking confidence and acting scared to lose, you will get shunned almost every time. Women get approached often and they can spot an insecure suitor a mile away.
Author TwilightSky Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 I hope you realize that the hottest men get routinely rejected. It's part of being the male protagonist. Seriously, man, no matter how good you look or what lines you use, you will get rejected...often! Expect to be unsuccessful more than 50% of the time when approaching a stranger and realize that it might have very little to do with your appeal. If you have a average that would be good for a hitter in baseball, you are doing quite well. The key is that you must get to a point where you don't care about being rejected; once you get there, women will sense it and you will have much more success. Liken it to when you reach the point where you are over your ex and suddenly they start giving you more attention. Funny how things work. But know this: if you approach a women lacking confidence and acting scared to lose, you will get shunned almost every time. Women get approached often and they can spot an insecure suitor a mile away. Yes, but confidence is not an easy thing for me. I know I'm going to have to get to that point eventually, of not caring. I guess, partially, I care because of what my peers think/would think of me. I know if I had an attractive girlfriend, they would all look at me differently. I think now they see me as some sort of loser (which would be correct at this point).
CaliGuy Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Eye contact alone doesn't say I am interested. Eye contact and SMILING at you is a big, waving flag saying "I am interested/attracted to you" if you have never met before. Now if she says "Hi" on top of that and you do nothing, you need a kick in the Jimmy!
caseinpoint Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Eye contact alone doesn't say I am interested. Eye contact and SMILING at you is a big, waving flag saying "I am interested/attracted to you" if you have never met before. Now if she says "Hi" on top of that and you do nothing, you need a kick in the Jimmy! Most that I've read talk about eye contact alone mostly indicate interest so I'm curious to know why you think it needs a smile to go along with it?
stepka Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Yes, but confidence is not an easy thing for me. I know I'm going to have to get to that point eventually, of not caring. I guess, partially, I care because of what my peers think/would think of me. I know if I had an attractive girlfriend, they would all look at me differently. I think now they see me as some sort of loser (which would be correct at this point). Twilight, you sound like a shy guy, and there are many of you out there. Not all women are turned off by this--I find it rather appealing myself. However, you're going to have to put yourself out there if you want to date, and a good place to start is to read Goodbye to Shy by Leil Loundes. It has a series of exercises designed to increase in difficulty, and you can start where you are. The suggestion about asking out people who don't particularly attract you came from there and I think it's a good one--it will help you get comfortable with the whole process. Forget about what the other guys think for now--either keep your dates private or hint to others that she's a great gal--it will help her get more dates too. (Don't hint that she puts out though, even if she does--that would be mean.) The fact that women are looking you in the eye is encouraging--it means that you're attractive, so maybe you should just walk around for the next few days and see how many women you can make eye contact with--it may be enough to increase your confidence and make you realize that you're attractive enough to date. Also, have you tried online dating? A lot of shy people swear by it.
Author TwilightSky Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Twilight, you sound like a shy guy, and there are many of you out there. Not all women are turned off by this--I find it rather appealing myself. However, you're going to have to put yourself out there if you want to date, and a good place to start is to read Goodbye to Shy by Leil Loundes. It has a series of exercises designed to increase in difficulty, and you can start where you are. The suggestion about asking out people who don't particularly attract you came from there and I think it's a good one--it will help you get comfortable with the whole process. Forget about what the other guys think for now--either keep your dates private or hint to others that she's a great gal--it will help her get more dates too. (Don't hint that she puts out though, even if she does--that would be mean.) The fact that women are looking you in the eye is encouraging--it means that you're attractive, so maybe you should just walk around for the next few days and see how many women you can make eye contact with--it may be enough to increase your confidence and make you realize that you're attractive enough to date. Also, have you tried online dating? A lot of shy people swear by it. Thanks I'll look that book up. Just curious "attractive enough to date" enough seemed like saying "well you just barely made it into desirability." Not sure if that is how you meant it... Anyway, I...really don't have any dating experience, do you think that would be a problem at age 24?
alexsimms Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 try this. ask out a girl any girl. then report the results. just ask her to lunch or a movie. srsly: what do you have to lose?
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