broken79 Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 It's been over 3 months now, hard to believe it's been that long already. My boyfriend and I split up after a short fight, didn't talk about it at all, just kind of happened. I left to stay with my parents, and after a week or so I called him to see if we could talk about things, a closure talk, I guess, as I had no thoughts of reconciliation, just felt off about the way we split. I think we both knew it was coming for a while, at least I did. He agreed, he wanted to talk as well. We ended up having a looong talk, at the end of which he asked me if I was willing to try to work on things. He was convinced we could make it work. I wasn't sure, but I stayed with for a week (we had been living together for 2 years prior to our split. After talking for a couple of days, I told him I was willing to give it a try, but decided not to live together again until he had found a job (his not working was a major issue for me). On the day I was planning on leaving, I came down with a headache, and took a nap. When I woke up he was gone. I was thrown since he didn't bother to wake me up to tell me he was leaving. I tried to call and he didn't answer, so I packed up as much as I could fit in my car, and called again. Still no answer, so I left. He called me later that night, and I told him the fact that he left the way he did worried me (the first time he's ever even bothered to find a ride into town without asking me to take him, let alone leave without telling me). He said everything's fine, I have nothing to worry about, things will work out for us. We were supposed to meet up a week later and spend the weekend together, and I called a couple days before to confirm our plans. He didn't answer. I tried again the next day, nothing. I called again the day I went up (I had a doc's appt.so went up anyway, my parents, where I am staying, live 2 hours away). I left him a voice mail asking him to tell me what going on, as if he doesn't want to work things out, I'd like to know, so I can stop looking for a job in the area, and try to find one where I am staying. I wanted to know what I needed to do. I was also going crazy not knowing what was going on. To this day, over 3 months later, still have not heard a word from him. I figured he was done when he didn't answer that first call, but still cannot get over the fact that he never told me it was over. Hell, he was the one pushing to work things out in the first place. I don't understand why he left the way he did. I was sure there was someone else, and have since discovered that he is dating a 19 year old (he is 27). Gotta love myspace. This girl was dating his 19 year old friend for a while, not too long before we split, and I assume, they got together. Our relationship was bound to end, I knew this, but I never thought it would end the way it did, with complete silence. That is what is killing me the most. Just wanted to put this out there, trying to let go. Not having anyone to talk to is hard.
hopefullove Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Hi Broken, I know how you feel, my situation is kind of similar to yours, where we had been together for a year, then on and off for another year, and then finally it seemed like he wanted to make things work, he contacted me first, and said things about just wanting a plan for us to work out, etc. we spent 3 months chatting before we finally met up. We live in different cities, so in september, we would be in the same city for the first time in a year, and we spent 2 weekends together, and it was just really sweet, we were affectionate and acted like a couple. After i went back home (He knew i would be back in town in a month in a half) we had 1 more conversation, and then that was it. nothing. nothing to tell me it was over, he just stopped responding to my emails. At first i sent him some emails asking why he was ignoring me, and he just brushed it off like his lap top was broken, but that was it... i broke NC today, to send him an email, just to tell him i think what he is doing is, well, mean. I dont expect him to respond, i dont think... And the biting part is, we were just rekindling in September, it's not even that long ago.... everyone is telling me that there must be someone else, i dont know if i would want it confirmed tho... yeah leaving it in silence is so disrepectful, ive been reading a bunch of this, as passive agressive behaviour, and that it is basically just cowardly behaviour... people are telling me to just forget him, of course it is easily to do if we all thought logically, i know that me and my ex would never work out... but i somehow find myself wanting him... not sure if it is because i can't have him, or that i really do love him. Have you tried to contact him at all within those 3 months? or did you just leave it? I'm just as confused as you are. and we both know, we should just leave it an move on, but easier said than done right.
Author broken79 Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Yeah, it sucks being ignored. His mom had just gotten him a pre-paid phone right before we split, and ran out of minutes not too long after he started ignoring me. I tried to call the other night (drunk) but his phone is out of service. A couple weeks ago I sent two messages on myspace, the first stating what I was thinking and asking for an explination, the second was asking to please respond. He read the second (would be the top in the inbox) but never read the first. I'm assuming once he realized who was writing, he wasn't even interested in finding out what I had to say. That was a real eye opener. I thought he was just being a coward in not calling me, but realizing he's not even curious to see what I had to say said a lot. That realization has actually helped relieve the pain a bit, in a wierd way, and is finally helping me to start to get over this. I'm still having a hard time, though. In the first two months, I went out a few times, but being in a new town and going out by mysef has been unsatisfying. In the last month I have only gone out one time. Other than that, I only leave the house to get cigarettes. I was laid off from my job, and am drawing unemployment, and have only recently actually wanted to find a job. It's still hard though, as I can't bring myself to leave the house. I've been putting in online applications only. I have never stayed at home for this long before. One long night I had a breakdown, and when morning came and I was still hysterical, went and had a consultation at a mental health clinic. I was recommended for a drepression group, and told to come in the following monday for a consult before the group. That's been almost two months ago, and I still can't even bring myself to leave to go back in. I'm starting to feel a little better, bit by bit, but still have trouble outside the house.
hopefullove Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Broken, I dont know why we do this to ourselves, like we know they are no good, and we know that they are messed up in some major way, but yet we're still not letting go. What you said just reminded me, that last year, we went through the same thing again, we had a break and then started seeing each other again, then we had a little tiny insignificant fight, and he was suppose to come over to my place to talk about it, and he never showed up, i was so confused, so i called him, and he didnt answer, but then texted me "goodbye"..... I mean after that he never fully left, cause we still kept in touch, but I dont want to keep doing that to myself, and you know, that he is never going to change, even if something did happen, you'll never know when he's just going to run off on you, that is how i feel about mine. I dont know what is going on, except, i guess we were just rejected in the harshest way, i guess once we accept it, and can move on? I have to accept that he is a horrible miserable uncaring person, so unlike the person i knew before... but think about how it's good that we dont have that kind of person in our lives anymore. The best thing would be to better yourself, try to push yourself to go out, meet new people and have fun.. I just joined the gym last week, and im going to push myself to go today... I'm 26, and I dont want to mope anymore (i moped for a year), i dont want to waste anymore time.
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