Why would anyone want to be the mistress?

[aerogurl87]

Come on.. men are men and if they are in a sexless M.. they will just melt in front of OW who gives him attention..

 

I gotta agree with Lizzie on that one. If you take any man whose in a miserable, sexless marriage and put him in front of a fun, sexy woman, usually he'll take the bait. And not all OW have low self esteem. Some have high self esteem but see an A as a way to get the advantages of being in a relationship without all the cons that usually come with it. Although there is a good chunk of women who are involved in an A and have low self esteem.

[Jersey Shortie]

I agree with some of your points.. (not in this post though).. but for the bold part.. do you honestly think that the guys who gets attention from other women will really think 'Oh.. let me see.. maybe this woman just want to take me away from my W, because she wants attention or wants to prove that she is more powerful than my W'...'humm.... OK... I all for it'

 

Come on.. men are men and if they are in a sexless M.. they will just melt in front of OW who gives him attention..

 

I think any good man, that might be struggling with his marriage and sex life; will still have more loyatly to his partner. I also think men don't always realize what goes on in women's head. Alot of women get off on a taken man paying them attention. Not because that woman cares about that man. But because she cares about making another woman feel less then her in the face of her beauty or attractive qualities she might have that might snare the man's attention. If more men chewed on that idea, maybe they could fathom up some more loyalty towards their own partner knowing how these type of women operate.

 

Men that decide to go out and cheat on their wives, despite their excuses of lack of sex, are really the bottom of the barrel. So if it's true that you fool around with married men Lizzie, be proud that you get the bottom of the barrel. Now I am sure you will come back and claim that's not the case but how could it not be when a man will sell out his own family, and by association, he is also selling out himself, for a woman that encourages him to sleep around on his wife or gf.

 

And I don't think you don't deserve to be disrespected Lizzie. But I think the fact that you don't take responsiblity to the situations you contribute to say something about your personal physcological issues that I know you won't admit to on here.

[RedDevil66]

I think any good man, that might be struggling with his marriage and sex life; will still have more loyatly to his partner. I also think men don't always realize what goes on in women's head. Alot of women get off on a taken man paying them attention. Not because that woman cares about that man. But because she cares about making another woman feel less then her in the face of her beauty or attractive qualities she might have that might snare the man's attention. If more men chewed on that idea, maybe they could fathom up some more loyalty towards their own partner knowing how these type of women operate.

 

Men that decide to go out and cheat on their wives, despite their excuses of lack of sex, are really the bottom of the barrel. So if it's true that you fool around with married men Lizzie, be proud that you get the bottom of the barrel. Now I am sure you will come back and claim that's not the case but how could it not be when a man will sell out his own family, and by association, he is also selling out himself, for a woman that encourages him to sleep around on his wife or gf.

 

And I don't think you don't deserve to be disrespected Lizzie. But I think the fact that you don't take responsiblity to the situations you contribute to say something about your personal physcological issues that I know you won't admit to on here.

 

yes, you are right, we need to be sisters. I ditto this x 10000!

[RedDevil66]

I'm the OW.. so if he wants to cheat on me.. he can.. of course, chances are I won't even know about it.. who cares .. really?

 

)

 

You care since a few weeks ago you started a psychotic thread on how you wanted to harm the guy you were having an affair with because he lied to you.

It's scary to think how empty a human can be. To not want to share beautiful moments and be another's crumbs for life.

This is past self worth and borders on deep disturbia I think........

[Lizzie60]

I think any good man, that might be struggling with his marriage and sex life; will still have more loyatly to his partner. I also think men don't always realize what goes on in women's head. Alot of women get off on a taken man paying them attention. Not because that woman cares about that man. But because she cares about making another woman feel less then her in the face of her beauty or attractive qualities she might have that might snare the man's attention. If more men chewed on that idea, maybe they could fathom up some more loyalty towards their own partner knowing how these type of women operate.

 

Men that decide to go out and cheat on their wives, despite their excuses of lack of sex, are really the bottom of the barrel. So if it's true that you fool around with married men Lizzie, be proud that you get the bottom of the barrel. Now I am sure you will come back and claim that's not the case but how could it not be when a man will sell out his own family, and by association, he is also selling out himself, for a woman that encourages him to sleep around on his wife or gf.

 

And I don't think you don't deserve to be disrespected Lizzie. But I think the fact that you don't take responsiblity to the situations you contribute to say something about your personal physcological issues that I know you won't admit to on here.

 

 

You are turning this around.. first you were talking about women prying the man from the W... (the OW giving attention to the MM).. now you are talking about the MM giving attention to the OW..

 

You are sooo far from the truth when you say that the OW is in the A just to prove her superiority.. soooo far from the truth... I don't even 'think' about the W.. in most cases, I don't even know her.. never seen her.. why would I want to feel superior.. I don't need that.. it's sooo not the reason for most A.. It is soooo not a competition..

 

and I agree.. I do not take responsibility for the A.. I'm not the cheater.. he is.. I've made no promises to anyone. I'm single. And no.. I will not apologize for my lifestyle.. it is MY choice.. and am very happy with it..

 

Like I've said a million times on here.. I've btdt with long-term relationships.. now it's all about me..

[RedDevil66]

You are turning this around.. first you were talking about women prying the man from the W... (the OW giving attention to the MM).. now you are talking about the MM giving attention to the OW..

 

You are sooo far from the truth when you say that the OW is in the A just to prove her superiority.. soooo far from the truth... I don't even 'think' about the W.. in most cases, I don't even know her.. never seen her.. why would I want to feel superior.. I don't need that.. it's sooo not the reason for most A.. It is soooo not a competition..

 

and I agree.. I do not take responsibility for the A.. I'm not the cheater.. he is.. I've made no promises to anyone. I'm single. And no.. I will not apologize for my lifestyle.. it is MY choice.. and am very happy with it..

 

Like I've said a million times on here.. I've btdt with long-term relationships.. now it's all about me..

 

 

yes you are the cheater since you know these men are married.

And you don't seem happy at all! In denial yes, happy not!

[Jersey Shortie]

You are turning this around.. first you were talking about women prying the man from the W... (the OW giving attention to the MM).. now you are talking about the MM giving attention to the OW..

 

My position is the same the second time around as it was the first. I don't understand what you think I am turning around now. I elaborated on it but my position hasn't changed. The women who take, taken men, do feel someone superior of it. They are prying the attention of a married man from his choosen woman and there is a feeling of power associated with that. Your attitude toward the situation confirms it.

 

You are sooo far from the truth when you say that the OW is in the A just to prove her superiority.. soooo far from the truth... I don't even 'think' about the W.. in most cases, I don't even know her.. never seen her.. why would I want to feel superior.. I don't need that.. it's sooo not the reason for most A.. It is soooo not a competition..

 

No I'm not. I'm right on the money. I'm not saying that's the only reason the OW does what she does but it's a big reason. It's completely a competition. You won't admit to it but no woman goes after taken men without there being some amount of competition inside of her. And lack of respect for herself. I think you're a smart person Lizzie but I also think you have some deep seeded issues that lead you down a path where you rather be with taken men then single ones.

 

and I agree.. I do not take responsibility for the A.. I'm not the cheater.. he is.. I've made no promises to anyone. I'm single. And no.. I will not apologize for my lifestyle.. it is MY choice.. and am very happy with it..

 

Nice try. Sincerely, bravo at the attempt. If you know the man is taken, then you are just as responsible. I don't care if your single or not yourself. You know whats going on. Passing the buck doesn't change that. Now if you didn't know the status of the other man, that would be a different story. But with knowledge comes responsibility.

 

Lets talk about another example of having knowledge but failing to do anything worth merit with it. When someone knows that someone else is being hurt within a relationship, lets say a child or animal is being beaten. If you choose not to do anything about that, you contribute to the abuse of that child or animal. No one is going to say "well she wasn't the one actually doing the abusing".

 

Now you aren't actually doing the cheating and that's fine. But that's mearly a techniquality you tell yourself to jusitfy your own behavior. Lets at least be honest here. If you have the knowledge of a wrong, and you yourself admit it's wrong because you make the distinction that you are single so it's okay, then you are just as gulity. You're not dumb, You know what's going on and you have responsiblity for your actions. You know your actions are contritubing to the possible hurt to someone else and their relationship. Now you can come back and prattle on about how these women don't satisfy their man but really, that doesn't matter. On an indivdual basis your actions do.

 

Like I've said a million times on here.. I've btdt with long-term relationships.. now it's all about me..

 

Hey, that's fine that you have btdt with long term relationships. I am not sure what btbt means but I assume it means your done with them. But your choice shouldn't come at the demise of another woman's relationship. And quite honestly, the world isn't all about you. everyone of us has the power to hurt or help and everyone one of has has ben hurt or helped. So I am sorry if I don't feel sympathy or agreement for you for you taking what you think you deserve. The plain fact is you don't deserve it. And men might sleep with you but you are really scraping the bottom of the barrel with the type of men you choose to be with. If your happy with that, good for you. But lets not call a club a heart when it's just a club.

[BCCA]

I've known/know 4 women who were constantly the OW with cheating husbands/boyfriends. All of them shared several qualities:

 

1. The had all been f***ed over badly in previous relationships.

2. Attractive, but very insecure.

3. Repelled any and all 'normal' or healthy relationships.

4. Not only liked, but almost needed constant attention/validation from men.

5. Pretended they were the ones using the men, instead of vice versa.

6. ALL of them, to a T, said 'I'm not the one cheating...'

7. Complete and total lack of compassion or respect for wife/gf.

 

It's funny, any woman would die if her husband was cheating on her, but there are a small percent of women who seek to take away the attention of another woman's man. There is some element of power/control in knowing your relationship is terminal, some drama in the danger, and some attention to be had from a guy who wants you to keep quiet about the whole thing.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I'm not entirely sure why you ask this question in the dating forum rather than the OW/OM forum - wouldn't that be a more appropriate place for it? I haven't really seen a rash of OW/OM frequenting the dating forum, but I could just be blind, IDK. I just think you'd get more responses to it in the proper forum.

[BookerT]

I'm not entirely sure why you ask this question in the dating forum rather than the OW/OM forum - wouldn't that be a more appropriate place for it? I haven't really seen a rash of OW/OM frequenting the dating forum, but I could just be blind, IDK. I just think you'd get more responses to it in the proper forum.

 

Sorry, new to this forum. Posted in the wrong place.

 

Interesting thread though!

[betamanlet]

low self esteem is incredibly common in women. These type of women make for horrible relationships if they actually do try someone who is available.

[broknhearted]

why would anyone want to be a mistress??? well.... i NEVER wanted to be one thats for sure. it just happened. we are both married! been going on now for almost 3 years. it really makes me sad. yes... im content with my husband, but not in love. there are kids involved although on MMs part they are step kids that he treats as his own. i know deep down that we will never be together. He says he loves me but we are both married and have responsibilty to our kids and its not just sex to him. *sigh* it sucks, but what do u do? when he made that statement (yesterday) it just reminded me where i stand on his list of priorities. dead last. so... i think being a mistress sucks. i did choose this path, which i regret. dont get me wrong, i love my MM and will always cherish the good memories but.... i hate the constant want for something i can't and may never have. the bad thing here is he is like a drug. i have a hard time just staying away, he makes me happy when we are together:(.

[Spoiled]

I'm the OW.. so if he wants to cheat on me.. he can.. of course, chances are I won't even know about it.. who cares .. really?

 

So far,... I've always been the 'dumper'.. never been the other way.. (touch wood ) so I can't say.. but I'm not stupid and I know that it could happen.. and, also.. chances are, that I would not know anyway... so what I don't know won't hurt.. right..

 

I'm sure that there are lots of OW like me out there.. especially the MOW... lots of them love their H... and don't want to leave their mariage.. so being the OW works wonderfully for them..

There are lots of reasons why the MOW wouldn't want to leave the M.. just like the MM (kids, comfortable lifestyle, good relationship overall, family, friends, finances, etc.)

For a single OW like me.. it's the 'freedom' that is most appealing.. plus the 'variety'..

 

As an xMOW, I must agree. Yet, there are many who believe MM never stay for those same reasons.

 

I experienced so many mixed emotions as a MOW. There was guilt and shame. I was a woman with an emotionally draining medical career, small children, a H who traveled, unhappy in H presence, ill parents, and more. Was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I realize choosing to have an A was the worse decision to solve my problems. But I must admit, that year was highly fulfilling to me. For once, I was pampered and admired, treated like a queen in the bedroom, and had someone I could converse with who wasn't emotionally draining.

[Spoiled]

You were never really a mistress. When you got done playing with your OM, you went right back to your trusting husband. Yak.

 

Just like you said... if you didn't have someone to play for a fool... you would never have been in the affair.

 

My intention was not to "play" H "for a fool." I was unhappy for two years, yet kept trusting it was going to get better soon. I had given up on my M but never had the courage to leave. I was full of resentment and anger toward him for not responding to my unhappiness in our M. I found a selfish way to have all of my needs met.

[gypsy_nicky]

I'm just curious about this. I'm not critcising. It's just that it doesn't make any sense to me.

 

Ok, so you meet a man and he hits on you. Then you develope feelings for him. But you find out he's already married.

 

That makes him a cheater, a liar, and a manipulator.

 

Why hang around?

 

obvious answer: because this is the only relationship that the OW can maintain and sustain. Anything outside of this close to NIL.

[Butterflying]

Sometimes the men you like the most always happen to be married.

I'll second this! And I'll add that sometimes the single men have undesirable traits which is likely the reason they aren't married. I wouldn't want to be a mistress simply because I like being "first." But I totally understand why some women would prefer to be "second" to a FIRST CLASS man rather than "first to a "coach" man.

[BookerT]

I'll second this! And I'll add that sometimes the single men have undesirable traits which is likely the reason they aren't married. I wouldn't want to be a mistress simply because I like being "first." But I totally understand why some women would prefer to be "second" to a FIRST CLASS man rather than "first to a "coach" man.

 

You know this is really interesting. I read literally the same point but written in a different format in a book about evolution and human sexual behavior.

 

In other words, many women would prefer to be the no2 female to a strong male than the no1 female to a weak male.

 

So despite all the social conditioning and reasoning we have, nature still comes out in behaviors that contradict what we logically might frown upon.

[Spoiled]

That's probably sadly true. Some men are more willing to invest in their mistress then their wife.

 

As for the mistress, I would never want to be the mistress. I would be disrespecting myself by doing so.

 

As for women that enjoy being the mistress. Low self esteem. Plenty of women out there feel really good when they know a man has a woman and they can pry his attention away from his partner towards her. Makes her feel more powerful or beautiful compared to the other woman. Something to chew on guys next time you are oggling another woman or considering cheating on yours.

 

Very interesting statement because I have heard many women make comments about how a MM flirted with them. Even women who admit they would never be an OW, become extremely flattered with the attention of a MM.

 

I took advantage of knowing my xMM was already attracted to me, his W's accusations of him of liking me prior to their M, and the jealousy she portrayed during our friendship. Probably the main reason he attempted to cover up who he was having an A with. Throughout the years of our friendship I noticed several copying of my behavior. Buying a new shortly after I bought a new car. Comments about what my H and I were doing that they were not doing. During the year of my A, they copied two of our family vacations shortly afterward. Sleeping with her H at times made me feel more powerful, but also less in character and dignity.

[BookerT]

A "first class man" lies and cheats? I think not.

 

Well if the metric for judgement is not moral values but confidence, charm, etc.

[betamanlet]

Well if the metric for judgement is not moral values but confidence, charm, etc.

 

 

True. Women desire men that other women desire, so guys who cheat etc are very popular with the ladies, and beta males die virgins.. c'est la vie. You have to unlearn everything you were taught. The only women that were crazy about me, have been the ones I haven't had much if any interest. THe less intereste I showed, the more they wanted me. Meanwhile I would get brutally dumped by every woman who I was crazy about, because that means I'm not a challenge.

 

I think the secret to success with women, is to not like her nearly as much as she likes you, and you absolutely MUST always, always always have many options available, or she will think you are desperate. This is why guys who cheat are successful with women, they realize there are plenty of women that are out there that want him, so he's not "desperate".

[BookerT]

A "first class man" would have all three and the etc. as well.

 

You'll be surprised who's not a first class man. I was bitterly disappointed the first time I found out Martin Luther King cheated on his wife many times.

 

I think you have to qualify the semantics used by the other poster. We all know what a truly first class man would be like. What the poster meant is a lot of women would rather go for someone that is confident, successful, charming, but cheating than a scrub or a dork.

[Lizzie60]

I would add .. that most of the time the OW loves her MM for the same reason the W loves him..

[BookerT]

So in the world of the poster you mentioned, apparently there are only two types of men.

 

Well I was just saying I understood her meaning.

 

There are few first class men to go around. Let's assume less than 10% of men are truly confident, charming and also have integrity. Thus 100% of women want what fewer than 10% of men have. That's a lot of competition.

 

So a lot of women will settle for second best, a cheating but confident man.

 

Bottom of the pile in terms of amount of female attention received is the dork or the guy that's not confident.

[BookerT]

Wow. What a truly dismal view you have of men in general.

 

Nah, it's a pretty realistic view.

 

Remove:

 

All the jerks (pretty high %)

 

All the guys with confidence issues. Boring, wimps. (pretty high %)

 

All the guys that cheat (50%)

 

All the guys with crap jobs (pretty high %)

 

You're not left with a large %.

 

I'm a man by the way, and the ugly truth hurts. But it's still the truth.

[BookerT]

Now here is ONE item that doesn't necessarily fit, at least not for me.

 

One woman's version of "crappy job" is not the same as the next. If my man and I make enough TOGETHER to be satisfied and happy, again that's all I care about. I'm not the kind of woman who "shops" for a man based on his bank balance. The other stuff is MUCH more important to me. He cannot expect a sugar momma, however. He has to pay his own way.

 

Well, I don't mean he has to be ultra successful.

 

But you'll be surprised how many guys are criminals, drug dealers, pimps (we got millions just in jail) or have zero ambition and working in Macdonalds for life. MOST women avoid these men.