lilbelle Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So, I'm fairly new here. I have a little background I should give as the dynamics are complicated. I am newly divorced from an abusive relationship that took alot of courage for me to get out of. I met the man of my dreams the week my divorce was finalized. I certainly wasn't looking for him but he was there. The ex husband and I had been seperated for over a year and a half and were both actively dating others so dream man was not my first if you know what I mean. Anyway, we hit it off and everything was really really great. I asked dreamy why he didn't have a girl, he said he had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship and she played with his head and was a waste of time, I'm figuring he is completely done right??? Okay, so we have a fight and I send him all these texts that are basically professing my feelings and that I loved him and it was scary for me. I tried calling him the next day. He breaks up with me through text and I agree that we are done even though I don't feel that way and block his number. So a week goes by and I'm really hurting but I have hope that he will be back. So the following weekend I unblocked his number and he ends up finding me at the bar. He started dancing beside me so I asked him if I should pretend like I don't know him. He hugged me and I told him I was going to go smoke if he wanted to join me outside, he was hesitant but playful, said okay and followed me. While outside we laughed like we used to he was upset I blocked him. I told him I needed to clear my head. He grabs me starts kissing me and holding on to me and we go home together. Night was amazing, he said a lot of things, that he was an ******* and sorry, that he cared about me, that he wanted to take care of me, kept calling me baby. After we made love we were laying there and he said something that really tore me up. He goes, what am I gonna tell my cincy girlfriend? I was devastated and just couldn't believe it. I went home the next day more confused than ever. I contacted him on Thurs and we hung out, Friday and Saturday I slept over. The following Thursday I pulled a crazy fing b. So, basically I am pretty sure I was drugged at the dive me and a girlfriend went to. I had only had 1 drink so something occurred. I don't remember much of it I just know that I showed up at his door and he wouldn't let me in and said he was going to call the cops. I do remember a couple of things that night. I know I spoke to him on the phone and said something to him about his cincy girlfriend to which he replied he was just joking. Thats about as much as I remember. So, for nearly 2 weeks he won't answer my texts or vm asking for forgiveness. He would answer texts regarding business. So I am assuming he needs some time. Friday night I saw him at the bar so I asked him why he wouldn't answer, he says he didn't get them, I'm like, yeah you did. He says it's not the right time his buddy is in town so I ask when the right time is. He says look at you, you can have whoever you want, i tell him i love him, he says no you don't, he said something else i can't remember now but i had to just walk away it was too much. OH YEAH, i remember he said to me, you don't trust me you think i'm sleeping with all these people and i'm like no i don't. so anyway i walk away. I dance go about my business, he watches, displays the I'm pissed body language so I'm thinking in my mind he is done, we are done he hates me whatever. That night I sent him a drunk text, it said I am done, you are completely disrespectful and I'm beyond done. Next morning I read it, think, wow that's harsh and I don't really mean that so I leave a vm that i was sorry and that yeah the trust issue was weighing on me him saying he has a cincy gf and all that, what does he expect. He sends text that says if he hears from me one more time he is gonna file for harassment and he is keeping a record. I text back that I needed closure. He says I never had his heart it belongs to someone else and he warned me.... I am flabbergasted... warned me???? when. You tell me it's done with the ex, then say your joking about it all??? where is the warning. Everything was great I mean after the first breakup I was ready to let go and be done and he is the one who came back, he found me, he professed all that bs to me. SO now i'm in a rut. I can't stop thinking about him. I'm really sad. I felt so strongly for him and now I am devastated, heartbroke, and just really having a hard time moving forward. I have blocked his number and facebook but I just can't believe he wants to be enemies like this, all this threatening me with police because I ask him for closure. It's unreal. Can someone put some input on any of this and how the hell do I get over him? Is this guy just a true dick or what? I can't figure out how someone can be so cold.
always_searching Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 From what you've expressed, yes: it seems like he is indeed an ass. I apologize if this comes across as "harsh," but I'm going to try to explain things from this guy's perspective. Just reading your story I would say that you are scaring the hell out of him. First of all, he didn't want a relationship--he wanted sex. Period. He probably has lots of girls--not just the one he mentioned to you. The fact that you keep texting and calling is probably coming across as a little desperate and slightly crazy-Glen-Close-in-Fatal Attraction-ish. You see your contacting him as getting closure. He sees your contacting him as stalking. I'm sorry, but (most likely) you were used. He wanted sex, got what he wanted, and now he isn't interested. I know it's painful, and if I were in your situation, I would probably go over to his place and give him a reason to get the police involved--Glen Close ain't got nothing on me. However, don't be like me! It would be wise for you to end contact with him. Whatever texts/voicemails he has left you: keep them. If the police do get involved, which I highly doubt, but if they do: you'll want proof that he was leading you on/interested in you as well. Otherwise, don't contact him. Just realize he is an ass and move on. Again, I am sorry this happened to you. Some men are scum.
always_searching Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Also, I should note that if he was initially interested in you for more than just sex: the fact that you started professing love for him so early in the relationship probably scared him--shoot, if someone did that to me, I would be scared! So, in the future, I would recommend holding off on the professions of love until you've been dating for a more substantial amount of time.
Author lilbelle Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 He isn't sleeping with anyone. I know this much. He is talking to his ex. But nothing physical. He had told me that when we broke up the first time and I initiated the nc. He made the choice to come back he knew I was falling into him and scared yet he came back anyway. Everything was perfect, better than before until the incident which I don't remember. I understand that someone can have your heart and I would just like him to say that he does care for me but cannot get involved. Regardless, if it was meant to be it will happen. I'm just trying to let go and go through the 6 steps. Today I hit denial and then anger and now I'm trying to understand what was going on with him and why he is letting someone have his heart that in my mind sounded like a girl that didn't truly love him. So that's were I'm at. I will get my life back and continue to be successful and one day he will sit back and think, I could have had that. I do know for sure though that he was not sleeping with anyone. That I feel secure about. Just so many mixed signals came from him that I thought when he came back he had made up his mind. He said one night when he was drunk that he was sorry and he had made a mistake and wanted me and only me. Maybe he is just really confused about his heart. I should have told him that no one can own his heart but himself. But oh well. There are a lot of things I would like to say but it's done. Until he shows up at my door and acts like a man I am staying nc.
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