Lost&Found Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 I mentioned this in an earlier thread, but it wasn't the topic and I wanted to ask this separately. My GF told me she no longer wanted a "relationship" with me, not serious anyway, and no longer wanted to be considered girlfriend and boyfriend. BUT we could still date and she would go out with me if I asked her on a date. I asked her if she was breaking up with me and she got angry and said no, we were just going to start over. Well I was completely heartbroken and crushed. I'm confused. If someone tells you they no longer want to be your girlfriend isn't that the same as breaking up?
Dexter Morgan Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Starting over is usually when one person is cheating and wants to sweep it under the rug. That way if it is brought up in conversation, it can be said, "but that was BEFORE we started over":rolleyes: She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you? because she wants other guys, but wants to be able to mess around with you. so hey, if you don't mind being a booty call, and can use her for sex....then go for it...she made the rules. Otherwise, I wouldn't waste my time with her if I were you. Getting mad at you for simply asking if you are breaking up? I think she needs to be put on the curb and she needs to know that she can't screw with your feelings like this....unless you just want to mess around and don't care that is.
Author Lost&Found Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Well right now I do care, and I don't want to be in a casual relationship with her - it would be too painful for me. So I'm considering it done - maybe once I get over it and I can just be casual with her, I might give her a call and see what happens. I might get some - lol!
trueblue72ny Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Yes, that is the same as breaking up. She is just trying to ease the blow. Don’t be fooled by it. you are not together anymore. sorry. It sucks. Your best bet in my humble opinion is to consider it done. Unless she says she wants you and her to be known as a couple again.
Author Lost&Found Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 That's exactly as I thought. In fact I told her the whole "we can still go on dates" was a way to make the break up easier for her. She told me to stop guilt tripping her and that now she changed her mind and I wouldn't even get the chance to try again! I went NC for a day and she already broke it. Today she sent me a text about picking up a bag of clothes she left at my house and when would be a good time. I text back that I didn't know and that I wasn't ready to see her right now and "don't worry you will get your stuff back." She said "never mind", that she would just forget about her clothes and wouldn't send me anymore texts, then "sorry". Crazy exes indeed!
littlebittle Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 i don't know, my ex and i are sort of going through something similar. we both really like each other and have feelings for each other, but a relationship isn't in the cards for us at this point. a big part of it is that i got really anxious about getting serious with someone, and i ended up pushing him away. that made him scared, and we ended up just sort of falling apart. the thing is, i like him so much, but i'm just not ready. i think you need to protect yourself. when my ex broke up with me, he wanted to continue holding hands and going on dates. it just didn't work because we weren't on the same page. we both ended up really hurt. maybe if you give your ex a little bit of space, she'll have a better understanding of what she wants from you. but i think that being in this uncertain limbo will only end up stressing you out and causing problems. good luck!
Author Lost&Found Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Thanks Littlebittle, that does sound like us a lot, at least the part about breaking up but still wanting that feeling of holding hands and going on dates. I just can't do that - not after we have had a serious connection and relationship, I can't go from that to being a "date friend".
Author Lost&Found Posted November 3, 2009 Author Posted November 3, 2009 Ok - I haven't even got a chance to go a full day without hearing from her and she just sent me a text asking if I could leave work and go to lunch with her. I said I was stuck here and couldn't go and she just text back "ok." I then text back "Why lunch with me?" and she replied, "I dunno." WTF?
Author Lost&Found Posted November 4, 2009 Author Posted November 4, 2009 Ok this is really starting to hurt. She keeps texting me - telling me how I pushed her away through my inaction, that I never did anything to show her I loved her. She told me she already got asked out on a date and has accepted. I try to be nice and tell her that I felt love for her but she keeps kicking me when I'm down and telling me FEELING is different than DOING. She called me "stupid" for pushing her away and now she is never coming back. I don't even know what I did wrong? It is helping me see this other side of her, but why so mean??
name witheld Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Sounds like you are still in her thoughts and she wants you in her life. Might just be because you have made yourself unavailable to her so watch that. Might be an idea to sit down and get it all out in the open. She might or might not have agreed to a date, but I think she told you about it to make you jealous.
Author Lost&Found Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 I'm not so sure what is up - haven't heard from her today, don't know if I feel bad or relieved about that one. I still kind of keep checking my phone to see if she has texted me - either from hope or from fear. LOL. I haven't made myself unavailable to her, she knows I am still there hurting. Not ready to sit down with her just yet, would rather not in fact, unless she shows some sort of sympathy for what I have felt instead of always making it about her feelings. I do think she told me about the date just to get a reaction from me - I didn't reply to that one. Not sure if she made it up or not. If she does have a date then I feel sorry for the guy if she starts to get serious with him! Actually, I hope she does, maybe she will see that no one guy can be perfect all the time, which is what she expected from me it seems.
Author Lost&Found Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 ARG! I'm so stupid! I have been giving advice here about maintaining NC and I can't even stick to it myself! Because I thought my GF broke up with me because I didn't do enough loving things for her, I thought it would be a nice gesture to bring her flowers. She lives 25 miles away and her home was on the way home from another town I was doing a job in, so I thought "Hmm just maybe this might be something she will like". First I texted her if I could ask her to dinner sometime, and she said yes, so I thought maybe she is just waiting on me to make a move? So of course I asked her if I could bring her something and she said ok. I got her some flowers and met her in town because she was dropping off her car to be serviced. She hugged me when she saw me, said she liked the flowers and thanked me and I gave her a ride home. She was very nice, but not in a loving way at all. She had an appt. to get to so I was only able to see her for a short bit. She said her head was spinning and she was exhausted and didn't know what to think. We said goodbye and I drove off. On my way home she called to apologize that she had to take off so soon and couldn't talk to me much. But then she told me the flowers were too little too late, and that we probably shouldn't go out to dinner after all. She then calmly told me all her reasons on why she gave up on me. I guess that gives me closure - not want I wanted and I am hurting even more now. I don't know why I can't follow the NC rule, I am a relationship moron! Anyway, that chapter in my life is apparently over and I know now that I can do nothing more than move on. Thanks for listening..
Author Lost&Found Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Well I just checked my FB today, and she is still in my friends list and the first thing I see is that she is in a new relationship! It is with a guy who would play pool with us and her friends when we use to go out. She was getting texts from this guy while she was breaking up with me! I asked why he was texting her and she just said he was wanting to find out what one of her friends were doing. When she told me she had a date she said it was with nobody I knew, just a friend of a friend set her up. She had been lying to me the whole time! She broke up with me so she could be with him!! I am so angry I can hardly see straight. I deleted her from FB, deleted her number and all her texts and I am so done. I know it won't work out between them because I know her insecurities - this guy won't make her feel any more secure in herself than I did. He was with a different woman whenever we saw him. She will get hers in the end. Guys/Girls if someone ends it with you for whatever lame reason - it is almost ALWAYS because there is someone else! Just move on! Wish I did. At least it's easier now, I don't miss her - just so mad and I never want to talk to her again!
Author Lost&Found Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Any thoughts? I need some support - some words telling me how much better off I will be or something. I can't do anything but log onto here!
kickintheaz Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 L&S.. WHY is she still on your Facebook listing? hit that delete button now.. You cannot handle ANY info on her right now, STOP trying to analyze their relationship.. go back and find every thread you have written preaching NC and take your own advice.. She has lied to you and so does not respect you.. you need to fix you now, get you sorted and move one, somehow, I know it hurts, heck we all know it hurts.. but you need to look to YOUR future now without her.. and for gods sake, remove her from your electronic life... DELETE DELETE DELETE..
Author Lost&Found Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Yep - already did that, mentioned it in my post. Glad I kept it around long enough to find out the truth though. Otherwise I would be sitting there wondering what she was doing and why we broke up and if she missed me or not - now I know. My sadness has been replaced with anger, doesn't feel much better though.
Recommended Posts